I posted last month and didn't think I would be back on this site at all posting again.
My H had a 5 month or so EA that I found out about on 6-13 dday (actually dnight as I found out at 11pm). Anyhow we have decided to work things out and most of the time everything is fine - for him....for me not so much. I can't bring anything up with out him rolling his eyes and getting an attitude and saying things like "we've been over this already" or "I already answered that".
I'm not getting much help on his end and seem to feel like I am in this all alone (hench my user name). So yesterday I wrote him a letter. Here it is:
H,
I need to get things off my mind and chest.
1st and foremost I have forgiven you!
I'm just having a hard time believing that your sorry for what you did. I feel that your sorry you got caught. If I hadn't caught you you would still be doing it plain and simple as that!
You said that you don't think it would have gone any further. I don't believe that either. How can you justify that statement when you took steps to start the A to begin with? If you had any conscious you wouldn't have done any of it. If you loved me you would have stopped it in the beginning - you wouldn't have sexted, you would have gone to the local gas station to park, you wouldn't have had another woman's tongue down your throat. Plain and simple you wouldn't have made out!
You gave me the excuses of doing the A because of the house and my cleaning - I believe that is a cop-out! You need to look deep into yourself and figure out why you do this (as it is not the 1st time). You need to tell me the truth when you figure it out.
The truth of the matter is you can't profuse to love someone and just stop. Its not an emotiong that turns off. What happens when you get upset, stressed or need a release? Will that "love" over come you again? will you start the A or a new A?
I wish you could understant how this has affected me but you will NEVER know what this is like. My trust in you has been shatter. At this time I don't know if I will ever be able to trust you again. I don't know how to love you at this point. (I'm editing out a part here cuz it to personal).
I have asked you; I have told you that you need to fix this yet you do nother except act like old times that nothing is wrong. You need to do something to show me how your going to change. You must acknowledge that you cheated on me, show me some remorse, tell me how your going to repair this M.
I've had my say. I can move on for myself now. Just know that even if I'm not saying anything about your A doesn't mean that I don't think about it every day 24/7. At times I may be distant; it will be up to you to bring me back to you. I am done trying to save this M by myself! If you show no effort I will know we are done. I know we are done if this EVER happens again.
I felt so good after writing this. I thought now he will see. Boy was I wrong. You want to know the respone I got well this is it: "I don't know how its going to work if you keep calling me a liar".
So my question is now what? Sorry this took so long!
Your letter is great. My only tentative suggestion is your first sentence saying you have forgiven him is not true. How can you forgive him when he clearly has not understood what he has done? As yet, he has no right to be forgiven.
Are you have counselling with him? If not, I would make that a condition of staying with him. If he rolls his eyes, you need to tell him that is not good enough. If he can't understand that then he is not doing any of the 'heavy lifting'. If he wants to stay with you he needs to understand that as being necessary. You are going to have to be strong here so he sees you are serious.
Is it to much to have to man u love (at least) try and fight for u? He has ignored me i was gone for 3 hrs and no call, where r u, come home to talk. Nothing! Posted via Mobile Device
Idk...we just had talk and it was going well until he told me that i need to quit stalking her. All i did was look her up on fb to find out what the ow looked like. He defended her....im speechless. Posted via Mobile Device
Well, you didn't forgive him. How could you? He's not even sorry! And that's ok. But his unwillingness to talk about it tells me that he's not sorry or done with his affair. And the fact that he defended her solidifies my thoughts.
Idk...we just had talk and it was going well until he told me that i need to quit stalking her. All i did was look her up on fb to find out what the ow looked like. He defended her....im speechless. Posted via Mobile Device
YOU NEED TO FIND YOUR VOICE!!
Hear honey let me help you:
You betrayed me, you lied to me, therefore, if it takes you going over it every hour on the hour for the next 10 years you should be willing to do so.
I'm likely to call you a lair and a cheat. That's what you call people who lie and cheat. Reread statement one.
You don't get to defend a husband stealing w****, they are not worthy of being defended. I, on the other hand, am and you had better decide right now where you loyalties are going to be because they haven't been with me and that's gonna have to change.
You will end all contact with her or I'm done. You will write the NC letter or I'm done. I won't be an extra in your little drama. Man up and fix this or grow some feet along with some b***s and leave.
You betrayed me, you lied to me, therefore, if it takes you going over it every hour on the hour for the next 10 years you should be willing to do so.
I'm likely to call you a lair and a cheat. That's what you call people who lie and cheat. Reread statement one.
You don't get to defend a husband stealing w****, they are not worthy of being defended. I, on the other hand, am and you had better decide right now where you loyalties are going to be because they haven't been with me and that's gonna have to change.
You will end all contact with her or I'm done. You will write the NC letter or I'm done. I won't be an extra in your little drama. Man up and fix this or grow some feet along with some b***s and leave.
I am confused. He says he loves me that he chose to stay and work on our M but how r we suppose to move on if i keep bringing it up. Im reminding him all the time and he says he cant forget about it if i keep that up. Thank u all for ur posts. I am going to be bringing all ur advice up ti the table. Posted via Mobile Device
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what do I do now? 
