Do you ever feel like no matter what you're screwed?

I'm The Prize · 07-21-2012, 03:38 PM

I'm a year and a half in R. I have finally decided to start doing things for myself (I'm a co-dependent, people pleaser). I've start to work on my health (which includes my weight) and to enjoy life with or without my FWH. I was working but got hurt so I can't do what I was don't before (old injury causing hip problems so no prolonged standing). So, I had a decision to make. Find a new job (hard to do) or go back to school (with full scholarship).

I decided to go back to school and was really excited that I would be doing something I'm interested in and that will make a difference for others. Problem is, now that I've registered I am having little bouts of panic about not having a job.

When my FWH almost ran off with AP in January of 2011 I had little job experience and wasn't employed. I had no way of taking care of myself. I don't know how many of you have been in that place but it's not good. All of our kids are in college but still living at home. If I couldn't take care of myself they'd be out of luck too.

So, R seems to be going will with only one resent issue that may or may not be a real issue. I am admittedly still suspicious and don't trust my H. The fact that I would financially be in the same place I was when he had his A makes me very nervous. Yet, the scholarship isn't for a set amount of credits but for a set number of semesters. This means I have to cram as many classes as I can into each semester in hope of obtaining my degree.

With that in mind I'm taking 6 classes this Fall. I can't possibly work and handle that class load.

I guess what I'm asking if anyone else weighs everything that happens or that they do in the light of the A and the possibility of another. If not I'm even more screwed up than I already know I am. {sigh}

Homemaker_Numero_Uno · 07-21-2012, 03:41 PM

It's your time to be selfish. Your spouse should understand given the situation that you need to take care of yourself. Stick with your program of me me me me me. Honestly, if you're codependent you really can think me me me me me and you'll still be considerate of others, the difference is you will be responsible for yourself which is honestly how all human beings should be, even wives (and husbands) and friends and lovers and moms and dads and kids. Your own two feet need to be under you, if they don't feel like they are there, do some dancing and get them back under your center. Keep them there, then you can dance well (metaphorically) with others.

I'm The Prize · 07-21-2012, 04:03 PM

HNU - I agree with everything you said. I guess the main issue is that I don't like the feeling that not having a job makes me vulnerable again. I WANT to be responsible for myself. That's why it feels uncomfortable to know I'm not in the financial sense.

workindad · 07-21-2012, 04:55 PM

To your primary question, certainly. For me it was a matter of what screwing I could live with/without. A cheating ungrateful wife, or halfish of my assetts. I use halfish because her half was bigger than mine, but it was worth it to have a chance to start over.