I've discovered an interesting tidbit about liars. They lie and lie and lie, then expect people to instantly believe them when they tell the truth.
Crazy Bear, the OW watched you lie to your wife (kids, friends, co-workers, parents, siblings, even yourself and her) for years. But you think she should just know you're telling the truth now about not wanting to see her anymore? She knows you're a liar, and thinks there's a chance you're lying to your wife about reconciliation and to her about ending the affair.
Sure she's a bunny boiler. But don't expect anyone who knows you're a liar to believe what you tell them. You'll have to actually take steps to eliminate her ability to interact with your life before she'll really believe that it's over after all those I-love-you lies.
Get a restraining order immediately. Your OW is a bunny boiler and stats show that the OW is more likely to harm the wife of the affair partner than vice versa.
The OW in my case, actually had the audacity to go to the police and accuse me of spreading rumors that ruined her reputation because I told someone what was in the letters forwarded to me anonymously.
The OW my STBEH chose as an affair partner turned out to be a serial cheater who goes to sex clubs and enjoys one nighters in the parking lot of nightclubs as well as girl girl stuff.
I have proof in the emails that she sent to my STBEH and were then sent to me.
I saw texts and heard voicemails that indicate the same.
When the police contacted me I had my attorney contact the police because I simply told the truth and also this OW was and still is stalking me
The police then called her and said no crime civil or criminal had been committed.
In order for a civil suit to be file the rumor must be false. They weren't and since the OW is a liar and a cheat she has no reputation to sully.
Also, in my state, spreading rumors false or otherwise is not a reportable crime. It is a civil suit only. And the civil suit would claim slander.
The best defense against slander is the truth.
A no contact request was sent, to OW by my lawyer, but according to the police, there is nothing they can do to stop her from showing up and following me, unless and until she physically hurts me.
As others have said, you brought the OW into your life. It's a tough lesson to learn.
Crazy Bear, the OW watched you lie to your wife (kids, friends, co-workers, parents, siblings, even yourself and her) for years.
I acknowledge that, and I am certainly trying to turn my mess around. But I never told OW that I had a problem with my W. In fact I always told her I still loved W. I've read from other WS here, this fact is strange but true. I was also constant that I was not going to consider leaving W for OW.
Another thing that wasn't a lie is that we were in an AFFAIR. OW wanted to have a married man. She got me. (Yes I thought I wanted an OW, and I got her, too.) But affairs are wrong. They are horrible mistakes. I was blind not to see that long ago but glad that I do now, and my W and I are taking the approach, 'better late than never', and trying for a better rest of our lives.
I repeat, it's nearly a YEAR since I first told OW not to contact me. I want her to move on and leave us alone. RO, NC, blocking, not enough. What more is there?
She violated a court order? And you didn't complain to the police? Is it possible that you didn't complain because you have some secrets that you wish to keep from your wife, secrets which would become common knowledge and maybe, maybe end your marriage.
If you don't want to pay a lawyer to send a do not contact us letter, do you have any friends who are lawyers who would help you out? Are you reluctant to spend money on this, or worried that it will escalate? Posted via Mobile Device
Did he even get an RO? Or was he just mentioning that other than an RO what can he do? Cause my sense from his initial post was he hasn't done that and is simply annoyed by he continued contact and harassment of his wife. He said himself he hasn't even blocked her # from his work phone. ...
There's nothing, nothing you can do to make OW "understand", as a matter of fact you need to give up any hope she will go back to her senses and go away on her own. It's out of your control. What you can control is making all the possible to make your wife, your family safe. So proceed from this place. Protect them with all your arsenal: recording and saving her harrasement, gathering info, using lawyers, police.. whatever to put her away from your loved ones.
She violated a court order? And you didn't complain to the police? Is it possible that you didn't complain because you have some secrets that you wish to keep from your wife, secrets which would become common knowledge and maybe, maybe end your marriage.
I'm wondering about this as well. It doesn't matter if she's in another city or another state.
Wow 6 years! That's a really long time, how did you end things with OW? What does she say in her texts, or phone calls? Is it possible she needs closure, you must realize after such a long affair that you owe her something. Maybe set up a meeting in a public place with her and if need be have your wife present and tell her face to face it's over. If she sees you and your wife are R then maybe she'll be able to move on. Worth a shot since from you've said nothing else has worked. Or is it possible your just posting this so your wife will see it and think you and ow are finished?
I don't recall you saying you ever did actually block her # or get a restraining order.
I did, Jellybeans, right here
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Originally Posted by Crazy Bear
I've blocked her on my home phone and emails.
Quote:
Originally Posted by completely_lost
Quote:
Originally Posted by lordmayhem
Let me guess, it went on for 6 years, correct?
Wow 6 years!
CL: That's lordmayhem's words not mine.
I know you guys are dying for all the gory details but for reasons which involve legal and relate to the questions you're asking, I am not able to post everything here on a public forum. While I can't give you the whole story I can assure you that what I have given you is for real. And yes my W is also on this board and could verify what I've said.
If anyone reading has anything helpful to suggest which we may not have tried yet, and can find it in themselves to tell us without digressing into accusations about what you assume we have not done, please speak out. I do deserve contempt for having an A, but not for your assumptions of our inaction.
completelylost I do reject your suggestion. Meeting her is the LAST thing I want to do, on my list below speaking with her or getting her texts. General wisdom on TAM supports that. I've already told her I do not want to hear from her any more, I've told her my W and I are together and doing great, I've ignored her for all these months now. If this (and the very fact that it was an A not a genuine relationship) are not enough for her to "get closure" I fear she needs psychiatric help but I can't get that for her.
I acknowledge that, and I am certainly trying to turn my mess around. But I never told OW that I had a problem with my W. In fact I always told her I still loved W. I've read from other WS here, this fact is strange but true. I was also constant that I was not going to consider leaving W for OW. ?
Why did ow get confused about your feelings? Well, your words said one thing but your actions of f'ing ow for a long time told her something else. That is a ridiculous excuse.
And BTW there are no legal ramifications to answering the question, did you get an RO? Sorry if I don't find that you are really taking full responsibilty for this situation.
Don't get me wrong, I have no sympathy for the ow but it feels a little to scapegoatish for me.
It's been over 19 months since my WH sent the NC letter to the OW and told her firmly that he didn't want to see her any more. However she continues to email him at work every now and again.
She believed they were soul mates and that they were destined to be together, and she believes that I threatened and blackmailed him to stay with me, and that he really wants to be with her but cannot escape as 'I have something over him'.
I think there are just some people who so much want to believe something, that they can't see the reality.
We keep ignoring her and hopefully she will eventually give up - maybe you can do the same. But I do understand how annoying it is, it still riles me when she emails him! I was hoping for indifference by now
every state and country is different on how to implement and enforce a RO
I don't see much what you can do aside from listening to your lawyer and ignoring her. Keep a log of everything that she has done to harass you, keep multiple copies of any physical proof, email, letter, call from logs, etc
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Re: long term affair 
