every state and country is different on how to implement and enforce a RO
I don't see much what you can do aside from listening to your lawyer and ignoring her. Keep a log of everything that she has done to harass you, keep multiple copies of any physical proof, email, letter, call from logs, etc
In Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass talks about one-sided obsessions that linger after the affair is over. She describes them as being very hard to overcome. The problem is that the affair lives on in the mind of the obsessed person. Definitive rejections are met with fantasies of how the rejection is a lie (as Squiffy says, actually coming from the BS).
I realize you are looking for something novel, that by some miracle hasn't occurred to you, but the issue is that she's an obsessed stalker. The uniform advice for these people is zero interaction because EVERY KIND of attention is positively reinforcing and encourages more. And this includes things that she simply imagines as attention.
anyhow, here's a list of things to actively do when you have a stalker. The link to the list is at the bottom of the page. Sorry that these are unoriginal, but I'm not sure how a forum on Coping with Infidelity is going to improve on techniques for getting rid of stalkers.
Quote:
Listed below are several interventions one can perform to possibly deter unwanted attention, or discourage ongoing stalking events.
Responding:
Do not respond to a stalker in any way, shape, or form — this means do
not retaliate or seek revenge. This could actually backfire.
Never reason or bargain with a stalker, this is a futile endeavor.
If you ever need assistance, yell "FIRE!" to get immediate attention;
people are more likely to respond to this cry for assistance than to any
other.
When receiving unwanted attention, you shouldn't respond at all. If it
is too late or unavoidable, don't use statements that can be
misconstrued.
Do not respond to the stalker's request to meet, even in the case of a crisis.
Documentation:
Record all phone conversations and save messages left on answering
machines.
Document the stalking event(s) with as much detail as possible.
Save evidence and take pictures of any damage caused by the stalker. Carry a Polaroid or video camera.
It is wise to create a Logbook to document the time, location, and events.
Making reports:
Any suspicious activities should be reported to the police.
Threats (from minor or vague to severe or specific) should be treated
seriously and immediately reported to the law enforcement.
Alert critical people to the situation: Law enforcement, employers, Family,
friends, and neighbors.
Get a restraining order, press charges when it is violated, follow through
with the charges. Note: some stalkers may retaliate violently.
Retain Support:
Contact victim assistance programs in your area.
Enlist the support of family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, therapists, and
other victims. Let people know about the situation and enlist them as
allies.
Pay attention to your emotional needs during and/or after a stalking.
Consider getting professional counseling.
Do not listen to people who think you are inventing or exaggerating the
stalking events or that the stalker is a merely an overzealous romantic.
Changing Behaviors and Routines:
Vary your regular routes of travel (i.e., to work, the store, home).
Shop at different stores, try different restaurants.
Protect your privacy:
Get an unlisted phone number and use Caller ID. Avoid using cellular
phones.
Have co-workers screen calls and visitors.
Encourage others to keep your personal information confidential.
Let people know that information about you should be held in confidence
Change your e-mail address if necessary and do not enter identifying
information.
Target hardening / Personal protection:
Install solid-core doors with dead bolts and LOCK all your doors and
windows. Keep your pets inside.
Install adequate outside lighting, motion detectors and/or a home security
system.
Trim back bushes and vegetation around your residence.
Having a mobile phone and/or beeper can be a great investment.
Be more vigilant with your children and keep your pets inside at night
and when you're away.
Be prepared to flee imminent danger:
Have critical phone numbers on hand
Create a survival pack containing clothes, emergency money, and
personal materials (birth certificates, passports, checkbooks
reserve money, personal information, stored non-perishable food).
Always having a full tank of gas and maps.
completelylost I do reject your suggestion. Meeting her is the LAST thing I want to do, on my list below speaking with her or getting her texts. General wisdom on TAM supports that. I've already told her I do not want to hear from her any more, I've told her my W and I are together and doing great, I've ignored her for all these months now. If this (and the very fact that it was an A not a genuine relationship) are not enough for her to "get closure" I fear she needs psychiatric help but I can't get that for her.[/QUOTE]
Agreed, meeting would be the last resort, didn't you say you've tried everything else? How long ago was the restraining order issued or did you just do a NC letter? You said your wife is on here as well, how is she coping with the OW contacting you? You need to stop acting like a victim, you caused this and most likely are still at fault for it continueing. Sorry if it's not what you wanna hear but sugar coating things for you isn't going to help anyone. I believe being open and honest with your wife will keep her strong enough to continue with R. This should be about protecting your wife/family not about yourslf.
completelylost I do reject your suggestion. Meeting her is the LAST thing I want to do, on my list below speaking with her or getting her texts. General wisdom on TAM supports that. I've already told her I do not want to hear from her any more, I've told her my W and I are together and doing great, I've ignored her for all these months now. If this (and the very fact that it was an A not a genuine relationship) are not enough for her to "get closure" I fear she needs psychiatric help but I can't get that for her.
Meeting her would only serve to fuel her fantasy even more. I understand your need for privacy, since the bunny boiler in question is a member here and has posted threads here in the past. She's deleted them now though. You might want to get your post count up so you can move to the private members section.
In Not Just Friends, Shirley Glass talks about one-sided obsessions that linger after the affair is over. She describes them as being very hard to overcome. The problem is that the affair lives on in the mind of the obsessed person. Definitive rejections are met with fantasies of how the rejection is a lie (as Squiffy says, actually coming from the BS).
Thanks to Squiffy and iheartlife, I think you are bang on with your ideas. I'll keep my eye out for that book you mention. It sounds relevant to what we are dealing with. Thanks again.
Plan to relocate to a place you and your wife love more than where you live. It's worth it. Any woman who believes a married man when he says he loves her for 6 years, knowing he is lying to his wife when he is with her is in need of psychiatric care. Lacks insight and judgment. A married man can't buy love out there if it isn't for sale. She needs to grow up too. You blew her ego, she can't fathom how after all the great love/sex/lies, you would choose your wife over her in the end, althought she had selective hearing when you said you would never leave your wife. This one statement to her was the HOOK. Her challenge was to make you do so, then it would confirm in her own mind that she is the queen of all queens. She probably feels that she is better looking, smarter, stronger - the six million dollar woman. You proved her greatest fear to be real: She is really worth 6 cents. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned (although this one dreamed every night that your wife would be the scorned). Your lesson learned: Any woman who knows you are married but still wants to screw, duh...is deranged. She never set a standard for herself, and you aren't her father to do that for her ...You took advantage of her and now your wife pays for it. If a man hates/is bored with etc. his wife, it is his DUTY to divorce her BEFORE he finds someone else's legs to crawl between. Too many psychos out there. Sorry to be so vivid.
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Re: long term affair 
