I had a long term affair which I ended last year. It was nothing wrong with my marriage or my wife, I was simply a selfish ass, but I finally couldn't bear to hurt my W any more. Wish I'd had the strength to do that much sooner, but... too late for that wish.
Now that it is over I can see that most of what I thought I felt for OW was only effects of "the fog" as you call it. I was just getting an ego boost, I wasn't really in love with OW. I love my wife and I am making repairs in that department.
Now my problem here is that during the A the OW often told me she loved me and yes indeed I told her I loved her too. At some point I probably even used the words "I will always love you". In the fog I did not realize that I never really did to begin with. It seemed real at the time. But now I see reality, but OW still does not. She seems to still think I must love her and she expects that I will leave my wife for her (something I never, ever told her I would do, even before I ended the A; although she often suggested it).
OW sends me texts which I ignore. She harasses my wife, who tries to ignore her also. I do not want to contact OW for any reason but I don't know why she is so delusional after so long. I do not love her. Yes I lied to her, I lied to everybody, but I am with my wife, and she knows this. What do I do about OW?
Delusional? You TOLD her you loved her for a long time. Of course she is harassing you and your family. She doesn't know you lied to her, she only knows what you told her.
First it sounds like your OW is a classic bunny boiler. The first question is, does your wife know EVERYTHING about the affair? By everything, I mean details that are painful but must be shared if you truly want to reconcile. Posted via Mobile Device
Hi CB unfortunately this is one of consequences of having an affair, the fall out so to speak. If you are done and sure that you are done I would write a NC letter and show to your spouse let her decide if it gets mailed, Transparency should be your new mo if you are trying to rebuild trust with your spouse, I would report any attempted or actual contact to your spouse
You lied to her for a long time and told her you loved her, and yet you don't understand why she's "delusional"??? Give me a break.
I know it's worse that I let this go on so long, BUT: she knew I was married. She knew she was the affair partner. She knew I still loved my wife. I always told her I was not going to leave my marriage. It's been nearly a year since I told her the affair was over and not to contact me any more. So yes, for her to still be texting me that we are in love and 'when will I get a divorce', seems pretty delusional, doesn't it?
What you do is block the OW's # so she cannot contact you. Same goes for Facebook, email, the works.
To block a phone #, all you have to do is contact your phone company. It takes 10 seconds.
If she continues, a restraining order is the way to go.
Also, spend the rest of your marriage making it up to your wife. Commit to your marriage as you never have before and be a better husband/partner. Do not fail or disrespect her again.
I know it's worse that I let this go on so long, BUT: she knew I was married. She knew she was the affair partner. She knew I still loved my wife. I always told her I was not going to leave my marriage. It's been nearly a year since I told her the affair was over and not to contact me any more. So yes, for her to still be texting me that we are in love and 'when will I get a divorce', seems pretty delusional, doesn't it?
What is more delusional is that you seem to be placing all of the blame on her when an affair would have never happened had you not let it. And even more delusional is the fact you haven't blocked her #. If you are so sick of her calling and texting you, why haven't you actually done something about it?
I swore I'd stay away from infidelity threads today.
I know it's worse that I let this go on so long, BUT: she knew I was married. She knew she was the affair partner. She knew I still loved my wife. I always told her I was not going to leave my marriage. It's been nearly a year since I told her the affair was over and not to contact me any more. So yes, for her to still be texting me that we are in love and 'when will I get a divorce', seems pretty delusional, doesn't it?
And YOU knew you were married and not going to leave your wife yet you told her you loved her. Mixed signals.
What is more delusional is that you seem to be placing all of the blame on her when an affair would have never happened had you not let it. And even more delusional is the fact you haven't blocked her #. If you are so sick of her calling and texting you, why haven't you actually done something about it?
Why is it that people act like they're powerless over situations like yours? You have the classic signs of a cake eater. My guess is pretty soon your AP and you will resume things and you're here looking for some validation
54Likes
long term affair 
