So this may sound strange or norman heck I dont know. But here goes anyway. Tell me if I am nutts or just healing...
So most of you may already Know that I have decieded to end my R efforts. Right now I am still with my H, but that is because I have not found me any employment yet to be able to stand on my two feet. I am working on this, and of course my H does not know my plans, I dont want him to pull a F recovery act on me to keep me from leaving, So if he does change that I will know its scencer. If not, well Ill be gone and be done with the hell.
But to the point, the OW has just moved on, already got married to guy her childs father who she cheated on. And moved out of country to be with him. And is HAPPY.. And this Pi**es me OFF.
She had part in the destruction of marriage of over 20 years and then just gets to run to her man and go on with no consquince and he is the man she cheated on. And here I am, looking for a job to get away from my marriage. Mind you, there is a chance we will work, a small as it might be, and that is only if his actions and ways change before I get a stable income for myself.. WITHOUT him knowing. But the point is, HOW, WHY, does it feel like I am the only one loosing anything, 20 + years is nothing to sneeze at. But she did it to. And she gained a faimly and a new life..
It just erks me, what is wrong with this picture??? I just want to email her new HUBBY and ask him wtf is wrong with him. I told him everything showed proof, he beleived me. He went thru hell too, but as soon as she got the chance she married him. I know its wrong to want her to feel some of the pain she has caused me and my family but I cant help it. She destroyed others peoples life and gets an up-grade to hers. Yeah it makes me very upset. I would like nothing better than to email her new hubby and say to him. HAVE YOU LOST YOUR MIND. He knows the whole thing talked to me ALOT about the whole nasty mess. And then Marries her, I am still hardly holding on, and she just gets a UP-graded life.
Well isnt that just great.......
I still may ended up divorced and my family seperated and she gets a whole new world.. GREAT that is just GREAT...
It's the same with people who decide to give serial cheaters or those who had long term affairs 2nd chances, you can't really do anything to convince them otherwise.
With people like your H's AP, I don't think the meaning of loss has any significance for her. She's not wired like the rest of us. They don't really fall in love because they don't know what it means. Detaching from their family/spouse is therefore much easier in the process.
There ages, I am ashamed to admit this. Because it is a knife in my back. WHY? Our children are that age. And it just brings up the old, digusting, feeling I had about it. My H being with a child, and that is all I could think about. A CHILD.. But to answer this, the AP is 19 the NEW hubby is 21..
She had his child and now they are a happy family.. I am still picking up the pieces to mine.
I want not to care, I know it is wrong to be upset about it. But it just ticks me off. HOW? how in the world can she get an up-grade in life and I still feel like mine is in a barrell.
And the sick part is that when I was advised by all you fine people here on TAM to let her fiance know about it all, I did, and he became very freindly with me. at first it seemed just like he needed to know the detail for me to keep him up to date on what I found out, then he seemed like he wanted a sympathetic ear, then he got to the point of actually getting to freindly with me. I dont know why, I just figured it was broken heart syndrome. I stopped all communications with him and wished him well in life and said I was sorry this had happened to him and me both but I had felt like he needed to know the truth.I had explained to him that I only wanted to do what was right and I still had hope for my family and I hoped he will find peace with all the heart ache.
The only issue I got is.. She is HAPPY and I am so low. How does this Happen.. I did not do any of this, I tried more than I should had to end it all and get my family straightened out. She did not have to do nothing, just drop he disgust on to a family and run off to start one herself..
Wow, it really does bother me. What am I supposed to do with these feeling????
You sure she is actually that happy? Sometimes it's easy to imagine that is the case, and the reality is very different. Maybe they just married because of the child. You can bet that somewhere along the line her husband will wake up to what he married.
It will feel to you that she got away with it so to speak, but you don't really know she is happy for sure, stop concerning yourself with her, it will only upset you, she's literally not worth the anguish Posted via Mobile Device
I can almost guarantee you that she isn't as happy as you think. And I bet her new H hasn't forgotten his "wife" being with a much older guy and having her A. I'm sure it gets thrown in her face. And it was always be there for them too, so don't be feeling too bad!!!
Is there any one else out there that is or has felt like this?
Is this normal or am I being just plain awefull. And how do I just let it go and stop. I know its doing me more harm than good. But like I said.
that wicked-little-girl gets the happy ending??? REALLY??
I get it Just Tired Of It All. My FWH AP got over it 6 months after it ended. She declared herself worth so much more than her H or mine gave her credit for and divorced her H and went on to happily go on the hunt for new prey. Talks about all the weight she has lost. I makes me ill.
I think she aught to be miserable every day of her life until I don't have any more miserable days because of the A. But that isn't how it is. Life isn't fair. If it were we wouldn't be here. Let it go. People here like to talk about the karma bus catching up to her. I don't believe in karma but I do believe you reap what you sew. Everything she did was noticed and she will be held accountable. It's not over until it's over.
More word I needed to hear.Truth is I dont know for a fact she is really happy. I mean he does know all the gory details, read some of the texts between them two his self, I forwarded every single one of them to his phone from one of there secret cell phones.
You know what, now that I think about it. It may all come down to the kid. Maybe? Because in one of our conversations he was really upset that my H was calling his child his baby girl. And he went crazy saying that was his child and he be Dam*ed if that old guy would raise of claim his child. He was over seas at the time so he couldnt do anything about none of it.
When he came back. Low and behold he married her and wisked her and the child over seas. So there you go! Might make sense..
And you are right he was so Angry that she cheated on him (his words not mine) and old wrinkeled up man. And he busting his a** thinking she wanted a family. And if she wants an old broke down man instead of him then she is sick and twisted but he be dam*ed if he trys to play daddy to his child.
Maybe she is in for more than even she would ever think of. He was upset that she never gave the kid his last name or that he couldnt see or be with the kid like he wanted. At some point in all this she even refused to allow him to have pictures of the child and that was the only way to he could see her, and she cut out the web cam between her and him were he got to talk with his child. She had told my H that she didnt want him to have the child and she was afraid he would take the kid from her.
Who knows maybe he has plans that I never considered. I really dont know but I still have all the emails. So I do know that at one point in time he was he** bent on getting his child. You know what, I do remember him saying in one of them, that if had to come back get married and take the child he would. But I thout he was talking about marring another women so he would look more sutible to the courts like a stable family environmet, It didnt even cross my mind that he may had been refering to her? What do you all think..
The last email I got from him was he asked me when we got back togthere because, out of the blue she called and was like I love you. He didnt want to be the back up plan. Truth is, it was only 3 days later..
Someday further down the line, you will no longer spend any time thinking about the OW, her new STBXH, her imagined perfect life, and how unfair the whole thing was on you.
I had a particularly terrible day, seemed as if the whole world was against me, nothing was going my way, i was really, really, bummed out. I took my fWS, got in the car, drove to a small "park" that her and I go to quite often. The road winds its way up hill through some flat fields. I rolled down the windows, and we spent the next five minutes slowly driving up the windy road, screaming "allan!" at all the chipmunks, ground squirrels, and gophers, just to watch them bolt, lifting their little tails for a "turbo boost" as we like to call it. We call them "Allans" because of an old youtube clip. The point of the story was simple. I was having a ****ty day, then went to do something random to realize how beautiful life is, and how much of a gift every day spent alive actually is. I hope you find peace soon, or at the very least, your own little patch of park to yell at all the "allans."
I exposed to the OM wife and she simply couldn't / wouldn't believe he would do such a thing even with evidence I had. Complete denial. Two letters worth.
He told my wife he would not leave his wife so that fked things up for my wife (had to laugh about that). Not as 'in love ' as she thought !
It did seem he was having his cake and eating it
However you may want to look at it in a different way and accept a kind of 'long term revenge' scenario. I have
One thing I'm absolutely convinced of is that the OM's wife will not throw away my correspondence and one day when he strays again, guaranteed he will (cos he's got away with this one) then my story to her will come back and go straight up his sorry arse.
When she finally catches up with him it will be my stuff that will help eventually bury him, because she'll realize 'misunderstandings' don't happen three of four times. She will tire of the excuses and the life and bang! one day he'll find himself gone.
He's a wealthy bastard too (they have a boy) and he will find his house, his substantial income and life in the fast lane suddenly cut in at least half. Moreover he'll find himself having that terrible conversation I had to have with my kids when it fell apart.
I'd like it to happen now but that's not realistic. However I'm definite that although it could take a year or two I'm content in the knowledge he will get his life destroyed and I would have had a significant contribution to that