I have been lurking on this site for quite sometime. My DDay was nine months ago. My W had at least one EA/PA, with a man from another state. My W also had at last count at least 15 online EA's which included cyber sex and chats. These POS men also texted her constantly throughout the day and night.
A little back story on myself, I turned to alcohol about three years ago, drank everyday. Self medicated. I was never verbally or physically abusive. I isolated myself for the most part. Same type of story I read here often. I ignored her, didn't give her attention etc. Today I am 9 months sober.
I am in IC and MC. My W is as well. I have been for the entire 9 month period.
My problem is I am not sure what type of recovery I am in. I never fully exposed the A. The PA/EA ended about 8 months before I discovered it. However she did warn the POS I found out about it. Which still hurts. I do have access to texts records and e-mail to verify the NC. There has been no further contact in the past 9 months. As far as the online stuff. It supposedly ended upon discovery. However two weeks ago I discovered this was not true. Contact had been maintained with two online "friends" until February. All contact stopped at this point as far as I can verify. I am not sure where to go from this point, how to move forward after the last discovery. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
besides D you could turn off the inet and get a new cell with just phone capabilities just to keep her honest, not all recoveries will look alike in my opinion, the end result is what matters exposure is normally used to stop an A, it seems a little late now if the affair has already been stopped, as for yourself I would continue to take of yourself ie staying sober, going to meetings, exercising, eating healthly, and also spending time with your spouse do things that yall did when you first went out, go on dates, simple dates, or whatever
I have been lurking on this site for quite sometime. My DDay was nine months ago. My W had at least one EA/PA, with a man from another state. My W also had at last count at least 15 online EA's which included cyber sex and chats. These POS men also texted her constantly throughout the day and night.
A little back story on myself, I turned to alcohol about three years ago, drank everyday. Self medicated. I was never verbally or physically abusive. I isolated myself for the most part. Same type of story I read here often. I ignored her, didn't give her attention etc. Today I am 9 months sober.
I am in IC and MC. My W is as well. I have been for the entire 9 month period.
My problem is I am not sure what type of recovery I am in. I never fully exposed the A. The PA/EA ended about 8 months before I discovered it. However she did warn the POS I found out about it. Which still hurts. I do have access to texts records and e-mail to verify the NC. There has been no further contact in the past 9 months. As far as the online stuff. It supposedly ended upon discovery. However two weeks ago I discovered this was not true. Contact had been maintained with two online "friends" until February. All contact stopped at this point as far as I can verify. I am not sure where to go from this point, how to move forward after the last discovery. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
My STBEH also warned the OW that I had threatened to expose her and they continued to have contact in person albeit in public and by phone for months.
That does hurt.
I think filing for divorce will help you. It helped me feel better about myself immediately.
I think the new agers call it "taking back your power".
You don't have to go through with the divorce if she sincerely changes. If not, nothing lost.
BTW: I am willing to wager that you turned to alcohol and ignored her because on some level you sensed she was detached from you.
It sickens me that the betrayed spouse is often far too eager to accept blame and shame.
I know I was at first.
I am only now waking up to reality.
My STBEH is a liar a cheat, a thief, a blamer, and a backstabber.
I would still expose the OM in the PA - how long ago was the warning she gave to him? If it's been a couple of months then he has likely decided that any harm coming his way isn't going to happen and has relaxed.
I'd find him and tell his wife. There is no statute of limitations on exposure!
I would still expose the OM in the PA - how long ago was the warning she gave to him? If it's been a couple of months then he has likely decided that any harm coming his way isn't going to happen and has relaxed.
I'd find him and tell his wife. There is no statute of limitations on exposure!
A spouse deserves to know if their spouse is a cheater.
The faithful spouse can catch all sorts of diseases off a cheater.
Many times cheaters do not use condoms because it's part of the fantasy.
Also, even if they do, there are viruses that can breach a condom, and their are other STDs that can be caught through simply exposure to leaked fluids or during kissing. Or, blood from rough sex or bleeding gums, etc.
Hep C is one and it can cause liver cancer 20 years down the road.
She closed her e-mail accounts after denying me access up until a few weeks ago. The discovers I made then were to say the least mind boggling. She had not been in contact with any of the OM since February. I also have access to phone records. I just know I am not getting the full story. The TT really sucks. It continues to drag out the pain and forces you to again relive this nightmare. So I guess my question is how if possible do you ever get most of the truth.
She closed her e-mail accounts after denying me access up until a few weeks ago. The discovers I made then were to say the least mind boggling. She had not been in contact with any of the OM since February. I also have access to phone records. I just know I am not getting the full story. The TT really sucks. It continues to drag out the pain and forces you to again relive this nightmare. So I guess my question is how if possible do you ever get most of the truth.
Unfortunately, the real question is, why stay with someone who keeps engaging in trickle truth. What it does is destroy what little trust you have left. Your WS has to have a 'come to Jesus' moment where they fully understand that TT is going to destroy any chance of reconciling. If they don't get there, and fast, your ability to regain a healthy relationship is pretty much shot.
If I was that far out from DD and still felt there were major pieces of information I wasn't getting, I would be discussing with my individual counselor why I felt compelled to stay when my spouse was showing so little remorse.
She closed her e-mail accounts after denying me access up until a few weeks ago. The discovers I made then were to say the least mind boggling. She had not been in contact with any of the OM since February. I also have access to phone records. I just know I am not getting the full story. The TT really sucks. It continues to drag out the pain and forces you to again relive this nightmare. So I guess my question is how if possible do you ever get most of the truth.
How do you know she hasn't opened new secret accounts, and hasn't got an affair phone?
This is why exposure helps. It closes the loop with the OMW and gives you and second front on which to watch for contact etc.
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9 months past DDay 
