Hello all, last year at this time I was a frequent poster on this forum. I discovered my x's affair with a then mutual friend 7/10/2011. I tried three times to get her to work on our 30 year marriage, on the third attempt she said "thats not something I want to do" with that I sped up the divorce process and it was final in 82 days. I began to take care of myself, lost 65 pounds, cleaned my house of her s***, and I think been getting along pretty good.
When I discovered her affair, she literally packed two suitcases and WALKED the 5 blocks to the OM's home, where she has been since. Living in a town of 8,000 people it is hard to not run into her, but have not seen her for the last 5 months. During this time she has pretty much removed herself from our three daughters lives (21, 25, 28) and has not seen her 15 month old grandchild since Sept of last year, even tho the ticket to fly there costs $250 round trip and I send her a $1500 check each month, and she lives with the OM with no expenses. Sunday I received a call from my oldest daughter who lives in Florida (I live in Indiana). Seems the x had called and talked with her for over an hour. 15 minutes after they hung up, daughter receives a text that my x and the OM had gotten married the night before in his back yard by a Justice of the Peace! She never even mentioned it during the whole hour conversation! The news caused me some distress, but I am quite proud that it did not send me over the edge. I was upset, but relieved at the same time, as she (the x) had said when the affair originally happened that they were getting married right away, so I have been waiting for the news.
Dont exactly know why I am posting today, think it started when my niece posted on my daughters FB page, that she was so glad my x had gotten married, that the x is a beautiful person and deserves to be happy, so glad that she is. I so wanted to say a beautiful person doesnt have a year long affair, f**k***g one man while married to another. I so wanted to post a response, but did not. I did however remove my niece and her mother (who is big time supporter of x) as friends.
Just do be aware that the OM and the x's in this world do live happily ever after. They do stay together, they do move on. I really wonder about the 97% of these relationship fail statistic, not so in my case. Just sayin.
FWIW, my parents divorced due to an affair, and the one that cheated married the AP. It has been a happy 25 yr marriage for them. Other than the infidelity aspects I think all but the BS think things worked out for the better. We kids were all adults of the same age range as your kids when this happened.
Just do be aware that the OM and the x's in this world do live happily ever after. They do stay together, they do move on. I really wonder about the 97% of these relationship fail statistic, not so in my case. Just sayin.
Just because they got married doesn't mean they are going to live "happily ever after".
Hey Hoosier!
Glad to hear you're forging ahead well. My D was final in Aug of 2011, and just yesterday I noticed that when I have my daughter for the week, I sometimes mention things that her mom and I used to do, or things about her mom, that doesnt cripple me with longing for that old life. Its as if I can talk about it like no big deal, and thats a long way for me.
In my own house now, "Routine" has been reestablished, some sense of a normal life is coming into view. Anymore, the thought of the ex and her new man living in the marital home has little twang to it, but it quickly goes away, and I count my lucky stars I was given an escape route in life from her.
Not hearing from her or seeing her has done a lot of good for me. The kid seems great, and is enjoying her summer so far. Ive had a few friends over already a couple times for some barbeque and brews.
Little clusters of cherry tomatos are forming on my single plant.
Just because they got married doesn't mean they are going to live "happily ever after".
Just sayin'.
Agreed. Looking back, I bent wayyyyyy over to please the missus and it took more than a lot of men would have been willing to take. Of course, they could be dead miserable and yet stay together just to keep from thinking they've fked up severely.
Unfortantely I have to continue to pay the $1500 a month as it is part of the settlement not support. But only for a few more months then a balloon payment and I am done. Cant wait for the POSOM to pay for his P***y on his own. Seeing as how for a year, when ever we went out (the three of us) and we did quite frequently I ALWAYS paid for the meal, never knowing that they were an item... Still makes me feel like a fool, but getting past that as well.
Just do be aware that the OM and the x's in this world do live happily ever after. They do stay together, they do move on. I really wonder about the 97% of these relationship fail statistic, not so in my case. Just sayin.
It's only been a year,so the jury might still be out on the happily ever after,especially when it involves 2 cheaters.You sound reasonably well all things considered.Says alot about a person when they don't make an effort with their children and grandchild.Kinda makes me wonder why the niece loves her so much.I'm a long time away from divorcing my WW and I don't feel the least regret and to tell you the truth I barely,if ever think about her at all,but I imagine it might be different if I lived in a small town like yours.Take care of yourself going forward.What's done is done and you still have a future ahead that holds God only knows what kind of possibilities,and I hope for the most part they are all good ones.
Just because they got married doesn't mean they are going to live "happily ever after".
Just sayin'.
To OP, this is very true.
I read that a lot of times the cheaters may stay together because they have to prove to themselves that they did the right thing by cheating and choosing each other as life partners.
However, many times they are both profoundly unhappy.
They never trust each other, and both may be cheating on each other.
whether they have a happy marriage or not is immaterial to how your life is going to be man, she's old news, you're the new you, 65 pounds slimmer, a lot happier now and pretty soon you'll be the man about town breaking the hearts of all them sexy chicks.
One of my brothers had an affair while he was married with 2 young daughters. When his wife found out, she kicked him out and he moved into my house for a number of months.
I asked him what his plans were, did he want to try and fix his marriage, did he want to stay with his AP....he said he didn't know. Hadn't thought it through. But his wife was done with him anyway.
They had never really talked about the problems they had in the marriage, and he made himself feel better by screwing his neighbor. She and his wife were supposed to be friends...
His wife divorced him (this was his second affair) and after living with me he bought a house with his mistress. They have been married for a long time now but my parents don't believe he is happy. But he left the marriage with very little (wife and kids stayed in the house, she still lives there) and says he doesn't want to go through that again. Neither has he ever been the type to live alone. So he is laying in the crappy bed he made.
Not saying they don't get along but i think he realizes he should have given it a lot more consideration than he did, when he was in the fog.
Plus she is short and has gained a lot of weight so he refuses to go on any beach vacations with her, she doesn't look good in small items of clothing LOL.
One of my brothers had an affair while he was married with 2 young daughters. When his wife found out, she kicked him out and he moved into my house for a number of months.
I asked him what his plans were, did he want to try and fix his marriage, did he want to stay with his AP....he said he didn't know. Hadn't thought it through. But his wife was done with him anyway.
They had never really talked about the problems they had in the marriage, and he made himself feel better by screwing his neighbor. She and his wife were supposed to be friends...
His wife divorced him (this was his second affair) and after living with me he bought a house with his mistress. They have been married for a long time now but my parents don't believe he is happy. But he left the marriage with very little (wife and kids stayed in the house, she still lives there) and says he doesn't want to go through that again. Neither has he ever been the type to live alone. So he is laying in the crappy bed he made.
Not saying they don't get along but i think he realizes he should have given it a lot more consideration than he did, when he was in the fog.
Plus she is short and has gained a lot of weight so he refuses to go on any beach vacations with her, she doesn't look good in small items of clothing LOL.
Karma.
To OP, I do think typically when two cheaters marry they are unhappy just as in this post above.
About five years back, my neighbor cheated on his wife, with a much younger woman because his wife had gained some weight and her sex drive was much lower than his.
He was a doctor and he found some woman 20 years younger that was impressed by his doctor status.
He left his wife to marry her. Well, she confessed to me that she had been cheating on him because she was angry about the money he spent on the kids he had with his wife.
Also, she said she was embarrassed to be seen with him because her friends teased her about how he look like an old man.
In addition, she had gained weight, and was no longer interested in sex with him.
I talked to the husband once, and he said he so regretted leaving his first wife and breaking up his family.
It was too late to get his wife back, too. She had met someone else and was by all accounts a happier, slimmer, person.
Just do be aware that the OM and the x's in this world do live happily ever after. They do stay together, they do move on. I really wonder about the 97% of these relationship fail statistic, not so in my case. Just sayin.
I'm guessing this would hold true after you stop making her monthly payments.
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