The only way that could possibly happen is if she is up-front from the get-go when he approaches her with questions. If she were to walk up and tell Bff -
"Man, I've been so busy working on fixing the house with OM that week you were gone! He came by to help me every night, blah, blah, hoping to surprise you, blah, blah, etc."
- then I can see Bff get thrown off for a bit.
But that won't happen. What will happen is Bff asking her about her week, where OM was, if she saw him, etc. She will, almost undoubtedly, deny that she spent time with him. She will almost certainly not admit that he came over every night. By avoiding the truth, she will unwittingly give herself up. Nothing she says afterwards will change the fact that she was caught in a lie, and is covering up her secret relationship with OM.
"I didn't tell you he was here because I knew you would react this way."
It just seems to me, that since he has put up with this friendship for so long, she must know how to 'play him'.
I think one of two things will happen:
1) She will gaslight and he won't know what to believe. He will wish he didn't say anything until he had the 'smoking gun'.
or
2) He will say, "end of conversation". She will beg and plead for him not to leave (which will go on for weeks). He will forever wonder if he made the correct decision.
I don't see her confessing to him about anything unless he can trick her into believing he has more evidence than he actually has.
The only way that could possibly happen is if she is up-front from the get-go when he approaches her with questions. If she were to walk up and tell Bff -
"Man, I've been so busy working on fixing the house with OM that week you were gone! He came by to help me every night, blah, blah, hoping to surprise you, blah, blah, etc."
- then I can see Bff get thrown off for a bit.
But that won't happen. What will happen is Bff asking her about her week, where OM was, if she saw him, etc. She will, almost undoubtedly, deny that she spent time with him. She will almost certainly not admit that he came over every night. By avoiding the truth, she will unwittingly give herself up. Nothing she says afterwards will change the fact that she was caught in a lie, and is covering up her secret relationship with OM.
What if she says she lied only because she was scared on how OP will react? That she is not having an affair and it was a mistake and she will never do anything like that again?
I didn't tell you he was here because I knew you would react this way.
He would never do that to you. I would never do that to you. He is your best friend. He is a nice guy and we get along great, but we are only friends. You are the one I love. You are the one I am starting a family with. You are the one that I am buying a house with. You are my husband, he is only a friend.
The bold is not an excuse. It is a statement of infidelity. I lied to you becuase you would object.
My point is that I get where you are coming from but none of that stuff matters. It is obvious gas lighting. He has seen enough IMO.
What if she says she lied only because she was scared on how OP will react? That she is not having an affair and it was a mistake and she will never do anything like that again?
She could say the same even with a video of her riding the OM.
The bold is not an excuse. It is a statement of infidelity. I lied to you becuase you would object.
My point is that I get where you are coming form but none of that stuff matters. It is obvious gas lighting. he has seen enough IMO.
I agree. I think he has more than enough and his plan is well-thought-out. At this point, any lie or omission isn't to cover up innocuous conversation...
What if she says she lied only because she was scared on how OP will react? That she is not having an affair and it was a mistake and she will never do anything like that again?
The OP could answer "Why would you be scared to my reaction if you weren't doing anything wrong?
There's no need to be scared if nothing wrong was happenng.., right honey?"
__________________ Davelli0331:If a GNO, or alcohol, or an attractive coworker, or a past flame on FB were all that were needed for someone to cheat, then I think that person had that defect in their integrity all along. All they ever lacked was the opportunity to act on their lack of integrity and the circumstances required to rationalize it to themselves.
She will get defensive and possibly even laugh "are you crazy?" "we are married i wouldnt do that" "omg we just bought a new house" "he isnt even my type"
When she sees he means business and isnt buying it--she will cave. The 6 phone calls a day and appearing as a couple when the 3 of them are out is bad enough---him being at the house 3 hours a night when BFF is gone---there is no explaining that away.
Very very sad. What's messed up is that the "friend" will be the least affected and go about his miserable life.
bff, if you have enough for you, thats all that matters. it seems some BS here are still the same after all they have been through. They wouldn't believe their WS was doing anything, and excused the evidence they had. Well, some of us don't need smoking guns. Some of us have gut feelings and are no afraid to act on them. We KNOW, 2+2 = 4.
Bff is the BS, not some cuck looking to get a thrill. He is not looking to help some get a lil tiltilation. He is a SOUND Bizman knowing what he know. So get off the guys back guys. BC it took some so long to accept, doesn't mean we all do.
bff, if you have enough for you, thats all that matters. it seems some BS here are still the same after all they have been through. They wouldn't believe their WS was doing anything, and excused the evidence they had. Well, some of us don't need smoking guns. Some of us have gut feelings and are no afraid to act on them. We KNOW, 2+2 = 4. Bff is the BS, not some cuck looking to get a thrill. He is not looking to help some get a lil tiltilation. He is a SOUND Bizman knowing what he know. So get off the guys back guys. BC it took some so long to accept, doesn't mean we all do.
We must remember too that it took him YEARS observing their behaviour to reach to the point of actually posting here.
I believe he has come a very long way , and deserves credit for how he's handling his situation.
One thing I did on my DD confrontation was have someone with OM that knew what was happening when I confronted my WW.
OM was a so called very good friend. The day I confronted I had another true friend with OM that knew I was confronting WW. Just as I suspected after confrontation she made an excuse to leave the house. She left her cell with me and stole my 12 year old daughters pre paid phone and called him to warn him I was on to them. She took my daughter to fast food joint, sent her in for food and WW made the call.
I only got one side of the conversation from my true friend but it was enough to blow my WW’s mind on how I knew what she had done when she returned home.
The true friend said Om’s face went white and he kept telling my WW that he (country boy) has no proof stop crying, he has no proof and you better not tell him anything. When he got off the phone with my WW my true friend slipped off and gave me a call.
Not sure if this is possible for you BFF but it helped cement my stance and ended any second guessing.
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Re: wife and best friend having (at least) an EA 
