My story probably starts like a lot of others. The signs have been there for a long time but I chose to ignore them because I'm confrontation averse and was in denial. But, I'm now sure my wife and my best friend have been having a secret relationship - no evidence (yet) of anything physical - for several years.
We spend a lot of time together (wife, friend, me) with groups of friends, so it's always been obvious to me that they are close with each other. I guess I never really understood how close. I won't go into all the details of the things that tipped me off, but I got that "6th sense" that they were talking with each other when I wasn't around.
After suspicion got the best of me, I finally took the time to dig around and found her cell phone bills. She and my friend have been talking about 5-6 times PER DAY for at least the last year. That's all the phone bills I was able to find. Who knows how long it has been going on. I see lots of calls that correspond with the time she's commuting to work and when she's at lunch. I looked at some times when I called her, and I was able to see that I interrupted her call with him, then as soon as she and I were off the phone, she called him right back. Neither of them will ever call the other when I'm present, so they are clearly concealing their conversations from me.
My job takes me to conferences all over the country for a week at a time once or twice a month, and I can see that when I've been out of town, many of the calls are later in the evening. Not sure if that is evidence that he's NOT coming over?? Wishful thinking, perhaps.
So now I'm not sure what to do. I think the first thing I have to do for my own sanity if figure out if there's a physical part to this relationship. How do I do that? Hidden camera? Hire a PI? I'm not sure I could afford that.
Of course, I'm already thinking ahead to what I'll do whether I do or do not find any evidence of physical contact. This guy is (was?) my best friend. Between her and him, they are pretty much my whole world. We run in the same social circles, so cutting them off would be a big mess.
edited to add: BTW, all the other normal signs of an affair exist, too. Secretive with phone, spending more time online, sex trailed off considerably, seems more distant and so on and so on.
Any thoughts on where I should go from here?
We spend a lot of time together (wife, friend, me) with groups of friends, so it's always been obvious to me that they are close with each other. I guess I never really understood how close. I won't go into all the details of the things that tipped me off, but I got that "6th sense" that they were talking with each other when I wasn't around.
After suspicion got the best of me, I finally took the time to dig around and found her cell phone bills. She and my friend have been talking about 5-6 times PER DAY for at least the last year. That's all the phone bills I was able to find. Who knows how long it has been going on. I see lots of calls that correspond with the time she's commuting to work and when she's at lunch. I looked at some times when I called her, and I was able to see that I interrupted her call with him, then as soon as she and I were off the phone, she called him right back. Neither of them will ever call the other when I'm present, so they are clearly concealing their conversations from me.
My job takes me to conferences all over the country for a week at a time once or twice a month, and I can see that when I've been out of town, many of the calls are later in the evening. Not sure if that is evidence that he's NOT coming over?? Wishful thinking, perhaps.
So now I'm not sure what to do. I think the first thing I have to do for my own sanity if figure out if there's a physical part to this relationship. How do I do that? Hidden camera? Hire a PI? I'm not sure I could afford that.
Of course, I'm already thinking ahead to what I'll do whether I do or do not find any evidence of physical contact. This guy is (was?) my best friend. Between her and him, they are pretty much my whole world. We run in the same social circles, so cutting them off would be a big mess.
edited to add: BTW, all the other normal signs of an affair exist, too. Secretive with phone, spending more time online, sex trailed off considerably, seems more distant and so on and so on.
Any thoughts on where I should go from here?