How will I handle when my child wants to play with OW kids?

fairydust · 04-25-2009, 05:24 PM

As you know were still neighbors with OW. I hate when summer comes around because I know next year my youngest will probably want to play with one of her kids. There close to the same age. My older children were friends with her older kids. Of course, that's probably what lead to the A to begin with. Us all being friends. Yes, we'd like to move but I don't know when that's possible.

I know it's awhile away yet but I can't stop thinking about it. Although if we were all at the park today I know my son who's almost 3 would want to play with her son. It's very possible we'll run into each other this summer. We have a park close to where we live.

How do I handle this??

KMDillon · 04-26-2009, 01:15 AM

Unfortunately you can't involve your kids in anyway. That means letting them carry on and play with the neighbors as normal. Children are incredibly intuitive and will sense your hesitation, which could lead to confusion and stress for your kids. You should not have to take on this huge burden, though. Recovering from infidelity is hard enough. You've got to do whatever it takes to move. Your husband will have to understand. Even if it doesn't feel like an option financially, getting through a tough financial situation will be easier than seeing her everyday. I don't mean to be crass, but your marriage doesn't have much of a chance if you don't move.

fairydust · 04-26-2009, 08:18 AM

I'm OK with the older one's hanging out with her kids. I think they all know something happened so they don't hang out as much. It's the younger ones I worry about because they will be too young to play together without a parent around.

reidqa01 · 04-26-2009, 05:03 PM

Fairy,

Its getting a bit deep here, why not move.

Really now if I screwed my neighbors wife, its a given time to leave.

Enough with the drama classes.

MsStacy · 04-26-2009, 07:31 PM

WOW Reidqa....not everything in life is black and white like that. I don't think the original poster is being dramatic by any stretch of the imagination. She's trying to deal the best she can in the midst of circumstances that are out of her control right now. Not everyone is able to just pack up and leave because they want to....don't you think that she wants that more than anything right now?

I don't personally know her financial circumstances, but many, many Americans cannot sell their houses right now for numerous reasons. For example, many people find themselves in the unfortunate place of owing more on their mortgages than they can sell their house for. You must be fortunate to be in the position that you can sell your house tomorrow, for a profit, and reestablish your family without a second thought or penalty.

Whatever her finances are, or whatever her reasons for not being able to move are, THAT is not what she is asking here. And I think the only one bringing any "drama classes" to the discussion is you.

Fairydust - I truly feel for you and your situation. I could not supervise my children while they are playing with her children and she is present. Are these the only kids on your block for your children to play with? I understand not wanting to take away from your children, or involve them in what has happened. They should be able to play and be kids, but I don't really see much of a way around this. Either you have a discussion with her husband in that the kids can play together at your house or in your yard while under your supervision and you want no contact or run-ins with the wife, or unfortunately the kids cannot play together. You may have to go through the extra efforts to bring in other friends for playdates and just avoid that family all together.

I don't know if any of this is actually do-able. I just wanted you to know that reasonable people feel for you and your situation and in NO WAY believe you are doing anything more than the best you can do.

fairydust · 04-26-2009, 11:19 PM

Thanks MsStacy for your support...

I guess I was worried about run in's at the park with our little one's. The older kids are fine so that's not a problem. We have lots of kids on our street but they pretty much all stick together.. boys with boys, girls with the girls. It was great being this way when our older kids were younger. I'm seeing the same thing happening with the little kids on the street. I guess I won't worry too much until it actually happens.

reidqa:
Financially moving isn't a option right now or Duh??? don't you think I would have done that by now or do you honestly believe I love to torture myself?? My H racked up major bills with drug and alcohol addictions that are no longer an issue but we're still paying the price. We have two mortgages on our home. It's not that simple, unless someone wants to give me some money!

reidqa01 · 04-27-2009, 04:45 AM

Fairy,

You are asking the impossible, imagine a kid fall off a bike and starts screaming, you both coming running out of the house. What you going to say "like to have coffee and cake and compare sex notes". Then there is school, events, sports, sleep overs etc.

Somebody has to leave, and the money part please isn't there millions to whom lost home.

Once again blunt is the word on posts, why not create a neighbor war. It may force them to move.

sunflower · 04-27-2009, 10:21 AM

wow bitterness. SERIOUSLY I think that you need to see someone Reidqa01