white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 07-29-2012, 09:46 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

OK, let me start off by saying I just signed up here. And, I'm not racist! Sorry this may be a long post. I just need to type it out. Thanks!
I have been married to my wife for 13 years. We first met at work. She was beautiful! Is beautiful! Anyway, when I first started talking to her. She had a picture of a black pinned on her wall. She said he was her boyfriend. We began to talk more and more at work and I asked her out. She said "I dont date white boys".
She would make ornery comments around the office in talking with me and co-workers. Things like "size does matter" and stuff like that. This is before her and I began dating. Anyway, I fell in love with her. I tried and I won her over. We started having sex and it was great. We got married. At times it would bother me about things that she would say about not dating white guys and size matters. So, she told me she had never had an orgasm with anybody before me and that I was the biggest that she had ever had. Well, we were married and I would tell her that I loved her. A lot of times she would reply "Thank you" Many many times I would try to have sex with her and she would turn me down and roll over away from me. She wouldnt show me affection. She would not really hold my hand she would just kind of gently pull away. This was going on the first few years of our marriage. I really desire her attention. But, I couldnt seem to get it. So, I would feel terrible. I would tell myself that if I was a black guy she would desire me or love me . I would go and drink in my truck by myself and feel sorry for myself and get angry about everything. Well, I would get so drunk that I would be sick and go home. She would take care of me and I liked her attention. Anyway, her turning me down and not showing me love continued and a few times i would go to a bar instead of just drink in my truck. I think one time some girl gave me her number. A different time a girl that was cutting my hair gave me her number. I didnt talk to these girls or have sex with them. I just had their number in my wallet. My wife found the numbers and was upset about me drinking and we were having problems. Well, she wanted to go to Louisville by herself. (Louisville is where we met and got married. Then we moved to Tulsa and were living in Tulsa at the time). We had a one year old son at the time. Her and my son flew to louisville and I stayed here. We were pretty much separated. After a week or so. I got in my car and drove to Louisville to see her. I showed up un-announce and got a hotel. I asked her to come see me. I met her at the mall and we went and stayed at my hotel together. We sat at the hotel and talked about everything.
She told me that she had come out to louisville and that she was walking around the mall and that she had ran into a couple guys that she used to know. She said that they talked for a bit and that one guy gave her his number and asked her to go see a movie. She told me that she thought it was innocent and she agreed. She told me that she had a friend of hers babysit and that she met him at the theater. She said they watched a movie and then were leaving. She said that in the parking lot he tried to kiss her and he put his lips and tongue on her lips. But she said she stopped him and said no. And, she told me she never talked to him again. This is what she told me in the hotel the night that I came to louisville. Even at that I was very mad. I accused her of doing what had haunted me. I accused her of liking black men more than me. She denied this and said that she was innocent and that she had randomly bumped into this guy and she thought that they were just friends. And that when he kissed her she stopped him and never had anything to do with him again. So, we made up and I brought her and my baby boy home. We tried to start over. Well, for many years I would wonder if she lied to me and I would wonder if anything else happened. Well, she continued to be cold and we continued having problems. Last year we went to counseling. We tried to discuss everything. I opened up to her about things and we were doing better. We stopped going to counseling and things started going down hill again. We recently started going to counseling again. I have told her so many times over the past year that I have felt like she was hiding something from me. She always denied it. Over the past 10 years I have asked her occasionally if anything more happened in louisville. SHe always denied it. Over this past year I have stepped up my questioning. I have told her that maybe I am crazy but it seems like youve always hid something from me. Well, after much discussion she just told me that she needs to talk to me. I was nervous to hear it. She told me that what really happened was : She said that she had been at home and I was at work. She said that an friend of hers from the past called her. Her friend was a black guy that she has always said was just a friend and nothing more. But, at one point she did tell me that they had kissed once before. Anyway, this guy calls and she asks how he got her # because she said that they hadnt talked in over three years since we got married. I actually forbid her to talk to him anymore when we got married because they had kissed. Anyway, he called and they talked. He called again or she called him back and she asked him about a mutual friend of theirs. The mutual friend was a black guy. She asks for this guys phone number and calls the guy. She talks to the guy everyday sometimes several times a day. She talks to him for over an hour on many occasions. She talks to him for weeks and plans a trip to go to louisville. She had some friends that lived in louisville and this guy lived in Louisville. (so, remember the story that I have believed for 10 years is that she went to Louisville to see friend and she just bumped into this guy randomly and he asked her to see a movie as a friend and she thought all was innocent until he kissed her and at that point she stopped him and never spoke with him again) But what really happened was that she tracked him down and talked so much over the phone for weeks. So she goes to louisville and she does go see a movie with this guy. And he does kiss her. (Oh and she has our son with her). But, she makes plans to see him again. So they go to lunch the next day. Again my son is with them. She was staying with an older lady friend of the family in Louisville. So that night when our son is asleep. She's talking to this guy and she gives him directions to come see her. Its late at night. So, she goes outside to meet him. She tells me that they talk and start making out heavily and that they make out for quite a while. And he start to try to take her pants off. She tells me that she stops him and says no. and that they stop and he leaves and that they did not have sex. Right after this is when I drive out to Louisville to get my wife back. Anyway, she has lied to me about this for 10 years. She had me to believe that she was innocent and that they just bumped into each other. WHen actually she sought him out and there was much more. Since this time 10 years ago she has not given me any reason to think she is cheating or that she is into black guys more than me. its just this has all just been dumped on me and I dont know how to handle it! SHould I believe that she didnt have sex with this guy? I am the only white guy that she has liked. Should I believe that she doesnt have a thing for black guys? She tells me now that shes not ever attracted to black guys. But, I have had to beg her for her attention and affection. Again, Im not trying to be racist. Its just the facts of the story. I dont know what to do. I would really appreciate any advice.
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:04 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

Why do you keep mentioning what color the OM is? It has nothing to do with the story of her hunting down a guy do she can meet up and have sex with him.

I do find it hard to believe that she took a trip all the way down their to not have sex. I think you still haven't gotten the whole truth.
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:07 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

Ok, The reason I'm mentioning race is because. She only dated black guys before and she said that she didn't date white boys. And, the guy that she cheated with was a black guy. So, i may be wrong but I feel its a valid point. One of my questions is would she be un-affectionate to me if I was black. The race thing is a common denominator in this story, you know.
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:09 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Maybe he's mentioning the OMs race so much because his wife made a big deal about her racial preference...
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Old 07-29-2012, 10:23 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

The race thing is important because she needs to have black men. He's white. If a woman was on here saying "I think my husband's gay", we'd tell her to bail because he likes men and she's a woman. She likes black guys and he's white. She obviously needs to go back to what she likes. Race is a HUGE issue here.
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Old 07-29-2012, 11:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

who went in and high-lighted all the words "BLACK". thats not fair!
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Old 07-29-2012, 11:31 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

As a Black man, this is an extremely offensive thread, and yes, it is racist.. Dude, you need to get educated, and learn some respect, for yourself and others.
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Old 07-29-2012, 11:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: white wife who only dated blacks cheated with a black man

It has been my experience, that when people begin by saying that they are not racist, it means that they are going to start spewing racist stuff.
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