I've tried to make this thread so many times, I apologize in advance if I make myself seem like an idiot. I'll try my best not to...
My name is Mary, I am a 23-year-old college student who has been married to my now-husband, Michael who is 22, for almost 5 months since the beginning of March this year. We originally met online about 6 years ago, hit it off quite well, and began a very emotional LDR for a few months (I lived in Florida and he in Pennsylvania). During that "relationship" he left me multiple times for girls in his town while I was heartbroken and distraught as any teenage girl would've been in my situation - eventually we fell out of contact because I was fed up with his bull crap but my feelings for him still lingered, much to my dismay. 2 years of barely any contact did not change my feelings for him no matter how hard I tried, trying to see other men and even women did not work, getting new hobbies and jobs didn't work, I even brought it up in therapy (I've suffered from depression and anxiety since a very young age so I was already going) and it didn't help. Nothing worked!
Aaaaaand viola! Out of the blue I got a text from him, we began talking once more and realized that my feelings for him were returned. Michael still had his moments where he wouldn't speak to me for days on end, but we were not in any kind of relationship at that time even though I wanted to check up on him (he was very emotionally unstable for most of his teenage years). I was graduated by then and he was on summer break preparing to go into his Senior year of High School, so on a whim I fly up to Pennsylvania to see him and ended up staying with him for almost two weeks. His Mother adored me - and always has - and so does his older sister so they became almost like a second family to me. Eventually Michael and I decided to get back together, I was scared that he would hurt me again but I knew he was much more matured now and in a more healthy state of mind than he was back then.
We were together for 3 amazing, loving years before he popped the question with a beautiful ring that had a gradient of our birthstones in the band - something that I only mentioned for a split second in the beginning our relationship and he remembered it! I was so in love with him you couldn't even imagine. At this point I already moved up to rural Pennsylvania to be with him and for veterinary schooling so me relocating was no issue thankfully. While we were engaged I became pregnant with what I thought would be our first child, two months later I had a miscarriage (I am physically very slim and tiny, I also rarely ate or drank which we believe contributed to death of the baby) which was devastating for myself, Michael, and both of our families and friends. We continued on with the wedding plans and less than a year later we said our vows in front of everyone we loved and cared for. At that time everything was going as great as I thought it could be. Sure, we had or normal stressors like college loans and apartment payments but it's nothing we couldn't handle. We had great sex on a regular basis, spent time together as much as much as we could since both of us were working and trying to jump start our careers, and we emotionally completed and satisfied each other. Michael was my world and I was his. Or at least I thought so...
One week ago, I found out I became pregnant again after I took a pregnancy test based on a feeling. I was completely and utterly over the moon with excitement and happiness! Acting like a child I was jumping around our soon-to-be old apartment (we just made a down payment on a beautiful home) and immediately called my parents and MIL to tell them the great news. After I got off the phone with them I quickly ran to the market to make an amazing dinner and break the news to my husband. He came from work around 5 while I was in the middle of preparing our meal, I can still remember every detail about that dreadful night, our DDay.
"What's the occasion?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen to give me a kiss and the usual big 'ol bear hug, I simply replied with "Oh it's nothing, I just felt like whipping up something I saw on the television." soon we went into the quick conversion of asking how each other's day was, etc. etc. Once that was over he went to change out of his work clothes and take a shower as I finished setting the table, bringing out the food, pouring some wine in his glass, and I simply had some green tea (I was trying to hint to him that I had a little one in my tummy) while I sat down awaiting for him to come back out. Michael came back, sat down, and stared at me for a short while with a confused look on his face before eating, I said nothing as I ate but tapped my fingernail against the wooden table to the music I had playing on the radio. Eventually it seemed as if he finally had enough, "Okay, please tell me what's going on." he said in a stern tone seeming to demand an answer. Me being the playful, sensitive person I am I played it off with a few more bites of food. He didn't seem to like the game I had going on so I soon went back with "Do you like the name Dayan or Joshua for a boy? I'm not quite sure which girl names I like.", at this point I had tears in my eyes and was beginning to shake.
The happy smile I thought would be on his face or the tears in his eyes did not arrive like I assumed they would. Instead I got a blank, empty stare as he sighed deeply and layed his head in both hands. My joy quickly turned into concern and fear, so I stood up and asked what was going on. "You're pregnant...?" were the only measly words I heard. As my response I grabbed the positive pregnancy test and put it on the table in front of him. Michael then furiously stood up and demanded to know if the baby was his or someone else's. I couldn't believe what I was hearing and went into complete shock, retreating into my mental sanctuary as I broke down on the floor, he was on a rampage around the apartment yelling and screaming. Was he honestly doing this? Accusing me of sleeping with someone else when the only person I have been with was him? This is already long enough so I'll make it short. As painful as it is to even type it, it is worse to even think about it.
Michael had been sleeping with a girl he had left me for 6 years ago and been sleeping with her before me, during our relationship, during our engagement, and during our marriage. Let's call her J. Oh, did I mention J also helped me with my wedding to the man she was sleeping with?!
Upon finding out this new development I asked for concrete evidence. He handed me his phone as I looked through the disgusting, descriptive text messages he and J had been sending to each other, to make matters worse he even handed me his laptop where he saved recorded videos of the two having cyber sex over a webcam (a webcam I bought for him). I completely fu&#!ng lost it and threw anything I could get my hands on directly at his big head, including my engagement and wedding rings which were the only things that hit him. Yelling and screaming that I hated him and asked how he could do this to me I messily packed a bag to leave as fast as I could. At this point his resentment turned into remorse as he sobbed on the couch and didn't even try to stop me as I left, and I told him to go stay with his wh$%@ of a mistress since I wasn't coming back.
I am staying at his Mother's house two hours away and have been their since that night utterly shattered to pieces. I've called into school and work and they understand my absence, but it's not like I can stay here forever avoiding my problems. He has been calling me so often I ended up turning off the phone, so he is now calling the landline and his Mother has told him not to come anywhere near me as she is on my side. I would divorce him in a heartbeat, but I now have this new life I need to care for which I know doesn't make a divorce any easier. Not only am I worried about that, I am worried about the baby's health because I don't want another miscarriage.
My parents are divorced and so are Michael's so they can offer some advice, but I want a new opinion from someone outside the situation. Can someone please help me?
I think Michael has already made up his mind ,dear.
He does not want the baby ,and he chose the other girl over you.
You are now a single parent ,luckily, you have support.
Goat, welcome to the TAM forum. I'm so sorry to hear you are in such pain and have been betrayed so badly by your H. You say that he was emotionally unstable during most of his teenage years. Was he diagnosed at that time? During the " 3 wonderful years," did you not see any signs of instability -- perhaps many red flags you chose to overlook? I ask because, if he is still unstable, it may help you to get a better sense of closure to better understand what it is you've been dealing with. That was my experience when I had to walk away from my unstable exW.
I think Michael has already made up his mind ,dear.
He does not want the baby ,and he chose the other girl over you.
You are now a single parent ,luckily, you have support.
Take care of yourself and your baby.
As painful as it is to admit it, I know you are right deep down in the only bit of common sense I have left. It's just so hard to believe he did this to me, I thought we were so in love...
Would it be a good idea to get checked for STDs and STIs? J is known to be very promiscuous and easy so I am not sure how many other people she has been sleeping with. If anything knowing that just makes me feel worse knowing that he is possibly choosing (or has chosen) her over me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Uptown
Goat, welcome to the TAM forum. I'm so sorry to hear you are in such pain and have been betrayed so badly by your H. You say that he was emotionally unstable during most of his teenage years. Was he diagnosed at that time? During the " 3 wonderful years," did you not see any signs of instability -- perhaps many red flags you chose to overlook? I ask because, if he is still unstable, it may help you to get a better sense of closure to better understand what it is you've been dealing with. That was my experience when I had to walk away from my unstable exW.
Thank you, it's unfortunate I joined under such circumstances.
Michael was diagnosed with clinical depression at age 14, I believe. He's also been to the physiatric ward for attempting suicide twice around that same age. He's been on medication and working has helped him get out of the depression funk I know so well. Michael often credited me to be the main reason of his recovery.
To be honest, I have never noticed anything alarming when it came to our relationship. Most of the time we just fought over leaving the toilet seat up. Do you know of any red flags I may missed if you don't mind naming a few?
Michael had been sleeping with a girl he had left me for 6 years ago and been sleeping with her before me, during our relationship, during our engagement, and during our marriage. Let's call her J. Oh, did I mention J also helped me with my wedding to the man she was sleeping with?!
So he has been with this OW more time than with you. I'm sorry if I sound harsh but he's more comitted to this woman. Your whole relationship and marriage is false.
He's not relationship material, he's not marriage material, he's not childrens material. You should fly home and file ASAP.
Drop him. It's sure headache for now on. He won't stop cheating and deceiving you ever. He's showing you who he is. It's not something he did, but who he his. Believe him.
I'm very sorry friend.
Of course you should get tested for STI's or STD's.
Remember you are still in the early stages of your pregnancy ,and these can affect your unborn child.
I suppose I have a lot of phone calls to make. Doctors, airports, parents, etc. I think I have to let it all sink in still, isn't still hard to believe this is all happening.
Can anyone recommend a good lawyer in/near Tallahassee, Florida?
I am so sorry this has happened to you but, and this is going to be hard for you to believe, it could have been so much worse. You are young with a baby on the way that will never feel rejected by his/her father if you leave now.
You are not a victim. You volunteered for his crap. You knew how he was, or at least what he was capable of, from your first "relationship" with him. Empower yourself with that knowledge and learn your lesson now.
Focus on that baby, your health and education. You will get over him and find a healthy man one day who thinks the sun rises for you. If you keep messing around with this one you are going to be unavailable for the one that will love you with all his heart.
5Likes 
Newlywed, Pregnant, & Betrayed 
