Ohhh, Uptown. As you say, the traits show up in the honeymoon. My wife kept it together through 6 months of dating and 6 months of engagement. Some of the worst sex we had up to that time was on the honeymoon...I wrote it off as tired and "supposed to perform".
On the honeymoon trip, my wife chopped off all of her lovely red hair in a salon visit she had planned while I went to a museum. She went from long red hair to an almost butch haircut with blonde highlights.
We honeymooned in the Washington State area and we wound up getting a very nice convertible Mustang and the weather cooperated and it was lovely and sunny all week. We made a distance error early in our trip and picked a place she wanted to go but it made the drive longer and made us pressed for time the first couple of days. I called the places and they said no problem on time, but she was upset and couldn't just enjoy the coast with the top down in a convertible Mustang and her husband.
Later on the honeymoon, when we were at a place we stayed two days, we had sex in a position we had liked before and she said it hurt and didn't ever want to do that again...though then and today it is one of her favorite positions.
I chalked it all up to wedding stress at the time...but then the rages at being 5 minutes late, or volunteer committee meetings lasting to long, or whatever.
In May when I told my wife that if things did not change I was 70% to divorce, she got all concerned and starting reading the books my counselor suggested and trying to do the exercises and sex that wasn't existent for months was so hot it was unreal.
Then I started talking about the old threesome and told about the really messed up affair it spawned and she went back and forth from "You're scum" to "It could have continued if I had know", "To I should divorce you" to "I should call the OW and make friends with her again...in A SINGLE NIGHT.
Two past week I went to visit a friend out of state for four days and talk about all of this. When I got back, my wife talked about her having a vision of her own place that she decorated and controlled and then 30 minutes later when I said that is a good vision to have she became very accommodating, seeing that I was more ready to go now.
This past weekend, she went to visit a friend and when she got back she said I needed to go, but as I started to pack she said don't leave.
Two days later she was willing to not talk about the affair anymore and she is now extra lovey dovey and has even called to initiate sex with me twice in the last week.
She just reeks of BPd. I used to work in a mental
Hospital and the dr on our floor was a BPD specialist so we were "blessed" with getting all the new BPD people. I can't put it into words really but I can pick up on it from a mile away. There is an immaturity. They act like teenagers, they are overly dramatic about people and relationships. They change their mind and personality and moods at the drop of a hat. They pick up on other people's traits and take them on as their own. They have no true core of self, their values change constantly.
They are very insecure. Everything is black and white, right or wrong. They either love you or hate you.
I think my ex has BPD traits and one of the first things he did when we separated was to get all our friends on his side, lie and manipulate to make himself look like a great guy and me the crazy abuser. Posted via Mobile Device
My wife hasn't gotten "people on her side" against me, but she is doing that to the OW, though she loves her. I seem to be immune to this, maybe it is because I am male and her deep seated problem is with females (Mother). Some old psych surveys we did for foster/adopt say my wife was 'touched and made to touch" the husband of a babysitter when she was in elementary school and all her mom supposedly did was say "just tell him not to do that."
Now, when I talk to people, I am getting people on my side and though my mother never said anything about me divorcing my wife, she firmly believes she said it and even underlined it in a note to our counselor under concerns.
She said I needed to go, but as I started to pack she said don't leave.
This rapid alternating between splitting you black and splitting you white is why the #2 best-selling BPD book (targeted to the abused spouses) is called I Hate You, Don't Leave Me!
Too many meds affecting the mind creating chemicalimbalances and abnormalities for the brain to function, I'm sure even a scan could show that. These drugs are killers, literally. All the massacres from littleton colorado, santee california, red lake, etc started with anti depressents, leading these people to be on psychotropic drugs. Why do people always go to doctors seeking a pill for the solution, when the problem lies in their lifestyles. These people get put into prescriptions, innocently enough as they are, they are ignorant because they do not use the power of todays easily obtainable knowledge and expect the doctor to know everything and solve everything. What do we want next? Pills to wake us up at 6 am, pills for breakfast, pills for headaches, then pills for the ulcers that all thesep ills cause, then a pill to solve ED which was caused by all the stress these other pills caused.
For your solution, I believe you need a path of naturopathy. Leave the meds and doctors, leave these mind affecting drugs. It is like trying to cure alcoholism with a pill three times a day, and you take that pill with a shot of vodka. Its like curing cancer with a pill while you are still eating all the cancer inducing foods and chemicals(artificial flavors).
Are you saying that bipolar mental health problems result from lifestyle choices?
Are you saying that bipolar mental health problems result from lifestyle choices?
No, he isn't saying that. BPD typically does not respond to drug therapy because the cause is at the core of being. Lifestyle choices are spawned from the core.
Drugs can regulate the chemicals in the brain and where they act, but if your core is messed up, you mis-interpret these normal neurochemical signals. Pain = Pleasure is one most people can identify with.
If Pain = Pleasure, you choose a lifestyle that can cause you pain.
That is a very simple analogy, but it works to help me understand it.
So glad to hear diwali123 and Uptown showed up. It seems you are not unaware of what's going on with your wife. You have endured way more than most. I wonder how your wife is going to make it without you. Really.
Find you courage, hang tough, friend.
So glad to hear diwali123 and Uptown showed up. It seems you are not unaware of what's going on with your wife. You have endured way more than most. I wonder how your wife is going to make it without you. Really.
Find you courage, hang tough, friend.
Yes. They have been a huge help. I really did not know what was going on with my wife. In retrospect I think the diagnosis of end stage renal disease just a couple of years into our marriage helped prolong all of my suffering. She had a real life disease and society and everyone else found it normal for me to slip into the extreme caregiver mode.
Mind you, I am a caregiver by nature, but since I married at 30, I had also done a lot of work in college and my early adult life to balance my care giving with my self love. My therapist who knew me when I was single feels I had reached a good balance by the time I met my wife, so I have regressed. I'm going back through the concepts of differentiation, mindfulness and relaxation and these are not foreign concepts...just concepts that have been stifled and buried by my relationship....until now.
I am comfortable with and have forgiven myself for treating myself so poorly and not looking out for my interests for so long. I understand why it happened and how it could happen to most anyone who has lived through the real trauma I have over these last 12 years.
I have been working in this direction for several months, but no I did not have a name to put on this dragon I am fighting and I did not know its tactics. Knowing what kind of fight I am in is actually making me a better fighter.
Complex, are you still around? If so, please give us an update on how you and your W are doing this week. I hope you are starting to feel stronger and less confused.
Complex, are you still around? If so, please give us an update on how you and your W are doing this week. I hope you are starting to feel stronger and less confused.
Let's just say it was providence to come here and have you and another respond and get me to go back and look at what has been in front of me for a while. I am utilizing better resources for my situation and I was already in therapy, but I have radically changed its purpose and things are changing rapidly for th better.
Everything is going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. Posted via Mobile Device
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Re: Complex Circumstances 
