Is my husband a pathological liar?
I may be the most naive wife out there, but I want to believe the best in the man I married. It all started before we got married...
Clue #1: I find out from his aunt (via wedding invitation RSVP) that he owes $3000 for a van he wrecked as a teenager and never paid for. When I confronted him, he admits to be embarrassed by the situation and didn't want me to think badly of him. We paid off the debt immediately and I dropped the issue. After all, we all did stupid things as a teenager.
Clue #2: Three years into our marriage, he goes back home to help take care of his sick mother for a few weeks. I find out from his sister that he's been hanging out with an old high school girlfriend during the evenings back home. I ask him about it, and he says she's just a friend and they only hang out with other friends around at the local bar. I snoop through his cellphone and email accounts and find several flirty texts and emails. He even lists this girl's name in his phone with just a letter, I'm assuming so that I won't know who the sender is. He also has created usernames with 2 different singles dating sites. When I confront him, he freaks out, becoming defensive and calls me immature and a drama queen. His sister backs up his story that when she sees him with the old friend, they are with a group of friends. My husband completely denies ever signing up with the dating sites. The more I push the evidence, the more angry he becomes. I drop the issue like a coward.
Clue#3: My husband starts smoking again, but when I ask him why his breath smells (and tastes) like cigarette smoke, he says the guys he works with smoke in his presence. I snoop through his truck and find receipts for smokes, as well as wrappers. When I confront him, I insist that it doesn't matter to me that he smokes, I just want him to be honest with me about it. He denies it all, getting upset that I keep bringing it up.
Clue #4: Last week, I find he has been to a sex chat site, listing himself as single and looking for a woman to dominate him. We have role played before, but the last year our sex life as dwindled to almost nothing. I try to encourage communication and romance, but he says he's stressed from work and not amorous anymore. I am heartbroken. He's never mean or rude to me, but I can't help but feel like if I confront him again, he'll just lie to me again. He work hours are awful, and I don't think he'll agree to counseling. I'm at the point where I think I'm afraid to suggest it and confront him again. He would never hit me, but I hate being yelled at, and I'm terrified he'll leave. I have decided to create a username on this same site and message him to see if he'd go further than just signing up to look at pictures. Maybe it's entrapment, but I need to see if he's really cheating.
How do I find a better way to communicate with him? Maybe he lies to me because he doesn't trust that I will react rationally?
Last edited by Havers; 08-01-2012 at 07:22 PM.