You need to track down who the OM is with 100% certainty. You are going to get a fistful of excuses and explantaitons. Maybe enough to have you questioning yourself. Make sure all your evidence is ironclad so she can't gaslight you and have everyone convinced you just want to dump her.
You need to track down who the OM is with 100% certainty. You are going to get a fistful of excuses and explantaitons. Maybe enough to have you questioning yourself. Make sure all your evidence is ironclad so she can't gaslight you and have everyone convinced you just want to dump her.
Ok, so then yesterday I found an old pic of them hugging (I have seen the same pic on her PC before) in her phone pics. She downloaded it in July of this year Is that enough?
I took a pic of it w/ my phone as additional proof. If I am careful and do not spill the beans too early I will imagine it will still be on her phone when I plan to confront her in 2 weeks.
Personally, I think you need to drop the whole damn thing and just plan your escape. She is beneath you and not worthy of taking up space in your head. Just move on. No confrontation, no proof, just leave, and tell everyone (inlcuding her family) why you're leaving on the day you leave.
Sometimes the most satisfying way to leave is to keep it simple.
Expose to everyone first to prevent her spinning the story. Then to her just say "I know you havent stop, so as I told you the last time, I'm leaving you now."
Then leave and go dark on her. Do not reveal your sources. You may need to during the divorce, but that's a while away.
Personally, I think you need to drop the whole damn thing and just plan your escape. She is beneath you and not worthy of taking up space in your head. Just move on. No confrontation, no proof, just leave, and tell everyone (inlcuding her family) why you're leaving on the day you leave.
I said the exact same thing since page 2 of this thread.
I have been with women like that already , and in their minds they cannot differentiate reality from their twisted perception of reality.
Their world is one of " existential reality ", where if they can't see it,then it is not happening, and you cannot convince them otherwise.
You cannot fight a woman like that, she is an emotional vortex, she will drain you emotionally, then still go behind his back and cheat.
She cannot help herself.
Sometimes the most satisfying way to leave is to keep it simple.
Expose to everyone first to prevent her spinning the story. Then to her just say "I know you havent stop, so as I told you the last time, I'm leaving you now."
Then leave and go dark on her. Do not reveal your sources. You may need to during the divorce, but that's a while away.
Definitely do this! And not your idea Texas. I am like u, I want to throw it at them, make them face it, tell them what I am doing. Make them change. It does not work. Don't get sucked in! INFORMATION IS POWER.
If you tell her all u have and how you got it, you think she will throw herself at your mercy and say sorry and how awful she has been? Maybe she will - but it sounds like he is ignoring her? Has he found out she is lying to him too (you had a mutual.friend and he is sick of her stringing you both along) and has dumped her? There4 she may well cry and beg. But only because she will have lost both men. She won't be genuine if she shows remorse, you know it, and when you leave her she has all the information she can twist and manipulate to her hearts content. How horrified will she be, and others when she tells them, that you had Var in her car and secretly recorded her. People won't know why, she won't tell them. This is not an acceptable every day kind of thing (it is on Tam, but not out there in the real world) People will just think you are weird and a paranoid freak. People don't understand the situation and are not clued up.
Not giving her all will hurt her more. And you regain some power back in your relationship.
Ok, so then yesterday I found an old pic of them hugging (I have seen the same pic on her PC before) in her phone pics. She downloaded it in July of this year Is that enough?
I took a pic of it w/ my phone as additional proof. If I am careful and do not spill the beans too early I will imagine it will still be on her phone when I plan to confront her in 2 weeks.
She knows she's still at it. She made her choice knowing the cost: you.
So instead of a lot of words and confrontation which she is prepared for from before and ready with more lies, the most effective thing here is to remove you immediately from the situation.
Instead of a long presentation of evidence. I would simply tell her or hand her a note as you walk out the foot "I know youve been lying to me and that you are not bring faithful. I've got facts and proof, and I told you what would happen if you went there. I'm out if here. I'll be in touch later about starting the D process. I'll leave now so you can make your call to the guy you really want to be with. He can listen to the garbage that's going to coming out of your mouth."
Yep. Agree with the posters re: simple. None of your evidence is going to "do" anything. Its more for your own knowledge, than hers. Here in TX, your evidence means nothing unless you plan on using it in court, and if so HIRE a lawyer for that.
My ex had an answer for everything. Even if it was a bold, black lie in the face of an image of her mid-copulation, she would deny it.
The more that you expect to happen from your evidence, the more you will be disappointed that it had no affect at all. You will be surprised at the level of "Dont give a fk" she will have.
Definitely do this! And not your idea Texas. I am like u, I want to throw it at them, make them face it, tell them what I am doing. Make them change. It does not work. Don't get sucked in! INFORMATION IS POWER.
If you tell her all u have and how you got it, you think she will throw herself at your mercy and say sorry and how awful she has been? Maybe she will - but it sounds like he is ignoring her? Has he found out she is lying to him too (you had a mutual.friend and he is sick of her stringing you both along) and has dumped her? There4 she may well cry and beg. But only because she will have lost both men. She won't be genuine if she shows remorse, you know it, and when you leave her she has all the information she can twist and manipulate to her hearts content. How horrified will she be, and others when she tells them, that you had Var in her car and secretly recorded her. People won't know why, she won't tell them. This is not an acceptable every day kind of thing (it is on Tam, but not out there in the real world) People will just think you are weird and a paranoid freak. People don't understand the situation and are not clued up.
Not giving her all will hurt her more. And you regain some power back in your relationship.
After much consideration and talking w/ my best friend I referred to earlier I have decided to follow this advice. I really wanted to make her face her 3rd time being caught by making her listen, but everyone on here has been so right so far, I cannot go agaist this advice. I will be asking her 1 simple question "Have you been in touch w/ OM?".
Either answer will have me walking out the door!
As for the mutual friend of the OM and me, he is tired of my wife playing both of us. I think he has tried to get the OM to stop contacting her but he cant help himself. I dont think the VAR conversation said he was cutting off communication at all just that he didnt respond fast enough as she would have liked him to. He did not "dump" her.
Also, I know what you mean about me using the VAR and looking crazy to outsiders of TAM but I just laid the 2 items of proof I have (Old Ph Records & VAR) to my best friend as well as explaining the time I caught her w/ all the texts 1 year ago. But I explained to him 1st that what I am about to tell him may make me look crazy, but please understand that my wife has driven me to this. He undertood and was totally shocked at the Phone Records I showed him from 2 years ago, as well as letting him listen to the VAR. He could not believe what he heard. He and my wife are actually pretty good friends and all he could say was "Wow!"
I have decided to not let her hear the VAR, but my 3 closest friends and maybe even my parents will hear it if they cant take my word for it and need to hear for themselves. Either way I am letting ebveryone know about all 3 times over the last 3 years. The entire length of our marriage!
The picture is old. It was taken long before I was even in the picture. I think she downloaded it to remember how they once were. The reason she said she ended it w/ him when she had a chance w/ me was bc he was so mean and abusive to her. But I'd imagine there were some great times, this pic may have been one of them.
I have decided to not let her hear the VAR, but HER 3 closest friends and maybe even HER parents will hear it if they cant take my word for it and need to hear for themselves. Either way I am letting ebveryone know about all 3 times over the last 3 years. The entire length of our marriage!
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Re: Has she cheated or not? 
