Wife of 35 Years Has a Wild Fling

Emerald · 08-06-2012, 07:55 PM

oh sorry didn't catch the separated part & good that all family members know.

Your fling is relevant here; doesn't justify her A; just complicates things.

the guy · 08-06-2012, 08:02 PM

What did you do 20 yrs ago that keep it together.

Are you excepting the same from her?

It sounds like shes a weak women and just went through the motions until the kids were gone, then made the move to move on with out telling you?

You guys have a lot of history, and it just might be time to let her go. How long have you guys been seperated.

hollowman · 08-06-2012, 08:04 PM

I think she is feeling guilt. She has not tried to reconcile.

And I have total agreement about the fact that I may not have the rest of the story here. She is a great liar when she wants to be.

hollowman · 08-06-2012, 08:06 PM

less than one week.

Count of Monte Cristo · 08-06-2012, 08:18 PM

Lessee, you were 20 and she was 16 when the two you got married, right? It's amazing that the two you lasted thirty-five years. I think she's making up for lost time. Something tells me this isn't her first rodeo.

costa200 · 08-06-2012, 08:34 PM

Quote:

she spent the night in a van with a younger man.

She has told me this was not planned and that she just went there to comfort him

She went to comfort him... at night... in a van... and it just happened? We both know what to think of this don't we?

Quote:

She has not tried to reconcile.

So, what's your problem? Are you going to tell her you're sorry she cheated on you or something?

Quote:

She is a great liar when she wants to be.

At least you have this pegged.

Quote:

20 years ago I had a fling and she forgave me for it until now as far as I know.

Irrelevant. If she didn't divorce you like she should have she can't just cash in the chip you apparently think she has. You're either married or your not.

Fvstringpicker · 08-06-2012, 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by costa200

She went to comfort him

Well, at least that was accomplished.

costa200 · 08-06-2012, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fvstringpicker

Well, at least that was accomplished.

That was mean, naughty you...

spudster · 08-06-2012, 10:19 PM

I'm not impressed with 5String or Costa. Costa you have never been cheated on. Banjoman, your track record with relationships is as dirty as it gets. Both of you need to back off of the guy.
Posted via Mobile Device

Machiavelli · 08-06-2012, 10:51 PM

Hollow,

How'd you find out? How'd you confront?

Where is she living now?

How many kids? Ages?

What do you want to do? I'm guessing you want to take her back?

aug · 08-06-2012, 11:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spudster

I'm not impressed with 5String or Costa. Costa you have never been cheated on. Banjoman, your track record with relationships is as dirty as it gets. Both of you need to back off of the guy.
Posted via Mobile Device

This could had been phrased more gracefully.

CH · 08-06-2012, 11:03 PM

Can we get back to helping OP

Like mach said, what are your intentions, divorce, reconcile or you have no idea right now? Can't do anything until you decide on a path.

Entropy3000 · 08-06-2012, 11:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cheatinghubby

She lied to you about having to work but went to stay with some guy in his van and had sex but it wasn't planned????

And you bought that story? And in a van? BTW, who on this board had some beach front property in Arizona for sale?

This story is harder to believe than many others on its face. Meaning this does not add up.

But I would first say that if this indeed happened then it was likely planned and not her first rodeo. What would be different perhpas is that she volunteered the information for some reason.

What are the odds he would meet this guy on the way out of town? What the odds she would throw away 35 years like this with no past history of screwing around. This was not even an EA.

Pretty odd behavior I'd say. How did your learn about the ONS? When you met the guy you already knew? Or was his and her actions together a giveaway?

Mr Blunt · 08-07-2012, 12:17 AM

Quote:

By Hollowman
Recently my wife of 35 years told me she was working a grave shift but instead she spent the night in a van with a younger man.

She has told me this was not planned and that she just went there to comfort him as a friend only but it got out of hand and she fell to temptation. (A customer she met, not a co-worker).

I met him two days later because he stopped at her work to say goodbye on his way out of state and I happened to be there at that time. I 55 years old and my wife is 51.

My wife is going though the change of life and I've noticed she has not been seemed to care much about me lately. She has told me she has felt UN-appreciated by me lately also.

I am completely devastated and trying to decide if our life together is over or if we can move forward. I get sick to my stomach right now when thinking about getting intimate.

I could really use some wise advice right now.

The IF questions

If she has been a faithful wife for 35 years
If she really wants to reconcile
If she is willing to do the ACTIONS necessary to rebuild
If she is willing to admit that her accusation of you being UN-appreciated is not a good enough excuse for her betrayal-adultery (even if it is true that you have been UN-appreciative?)
If she is willing to follow the advice of a good marriage counselor even if it is hard for her.
If she will realize that her chances of any man doing more for her than you is slim to none. What good man is going to be madly in love with a 51 year old woman that is a cheater?

If those IF questions are in the affirmative then you have a good chance of rebuilding the marriage. If there is something that the marriage counselor tells you to do as the husband then you do it!

If she is reluctant to take the actions necessary to rebuild your relationship then KEEP YOUR DIGNITY, DO NOT GROVEL; get a lawyer, get her out, then start building yourself up body, mind, and spirit so that you will recover and have a good life. Millions have done that and so can you.

Dan Carruthers · 08-07-2012, 12:48 AM

She seems an undeserving stuff to be forgiven n taken back