Originally Posted by sugahoneyplum
The tramp is married but of course sep from her hub. This has been an on and off affair for three years. They have lived together twice (2 of the times he left me). I dont get it. I feel Im attractive very attentive damn near almost smothering until I've had enough of him blowing me off then I detach. Eventually he comes back around for a bit but she gets more of him then I do. How can I get him to want me more?
I agree with Maricha--what does "off" mean? That they aren't living together? As long as they are in communication it's very much "on" and that's never been as true as in this day and age with skyping, video, and texting photographs.
This is called "cake-eating" because he wants you both
. He's been doing this for three years--that's long enough for him to "decide" which woman he wants. But the WHOLE POINT is that he doesn't EVER want to decide. He wants you in a perpetual
competition against each other to see who can be the most attentive. When he gets bored of one, voila, the other one can take over.
Here are some potential choices:
--continue doing what you've been doing; or
--visit a lawyer to understand your rights upon divorce. Then put your foot down and say, this is it, her or me, I'm not competing any more, and BTW I've booked a marriage counselor and you're coming; if you don't choose me, you are choosing divorce (and also book individual counseling for BOTH of you); or
--get off the merry-go-round and start to detach from him by practicing the 180 (live your best self as if he had disappeared) and book a counselor for YOU; visit a lawyer to understand your rights; when you're ready, file for divorce
Unlike many other cheaters, he doesn't even seem to try to hide it much (except maybe when he's home with you). That sort of behavior is blatantly, blatantly disrespectful. Always having the threat of leaving you for her is serious emotional abusive. So NO MATTER WHAT, I strongly recommend individual counseling for you so that you get an understanding of why you stay with an emotionally abusive person.
I know "you love him" but you
deserve to be loved and he hasn't done that for a long time.