2nd_t!me iz_best

thats not attractive imho

sugahoneyplum

The tramp is married but of course sep from her hub. This has been an on and off affair for three years. They have lived together twice (2 of the times he left me). I dont get it. I feel Im attractive very attentive damn near almost smothering until I've had enough of him blowing me off then I detach. Eventually he comes back around for a bit but she gets more of him then I do. How can I get him to want me more?

2nd_t!me iz_best

i did the same thing.
at some point, its time to stop the madness and find someone who appreciates you and all you have to give to a partner.

Maricha75

completely. I really have no advice as to how to get him to want you more. But, if you want him to choose, then tell him to choose her or you. If he chooses her, don't take him back if he comes sniffing around again. He does this because you let him... DON'T let him! Let him see you as a CONFIDENT woman who doesn't NEED him around.

I don't know the whole story, obviously, but 3 years off and on, suga? I'd have a hard time believing it was even "off" at any point, were it my husband. But, that's just my opinion.

__________________
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...time-i-do.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...elievable.html

jameskimp

Not always beauty that attracts us. It might sound strange but we have emotional needs too lol

Maricha75

I know that my husband wasn't getting emotional needs met by me... that's why he and his xOW got into their EA. Oddly enough... she looks a lot like me. Tbh, not sure what to think about that. =/

__________________
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...time-i-do.html
http://talkaboutmarriage.com/coping-...elievable.html

MattMatt

Perhaps to compensate for their looks they try harder to get a man? But have no boundaries as to which man they go after?

lordmayhem

I don't know. My fWW is very hawt for her age, can still fit in her wedding dress with no problem. Of course I've always told her she looks sexy and beautiful. But she always took my compliments for granted. All it took was for an old HS boyfriend to tell her she's sexy and beautiful and she falls head over heels for him!

__________________
Welcome TAM CWI newbies- please read this
Betrayed Spouse Bill of Rights
The Betrayed Spouse Script
Just Let Them Go

Racer

Three of my wife's OM's I just couldn't see it. They were not only unattractive, but losers to boot. Yet her EA.... Hell, I think he's dreamy too, and nice, and doing good financially, and educated, and a PhD, and well travelled and a single dad... I can't see what he saw in my dumpy wife :P

NextTimeAround

I do think personality accounts for a lot. It's the only way to explain how average looking or less women get married in the first place. And why a fair few extremely attractive women are still left begging.

Youngthang

Sugar,

It is said men marry up and cheat down.

Its thrill not the looks.

iheartlife

I agree with Maricha--what does "off" mean? That they aren't living together? As long as they are in communication it's very much "on" and that's never been as true as in this day and age with skyping, video, and texting photographs.

This is called "cake-eating" because he wants you both. He's been doing this for three years--that's long enough for him to "decide" which woman he wants. But the WHOLE POINT is that he doesn't EVER want to decide. He wants you in a perpetual competition against each other to see who can be the most attentive. When he gets bored of one, voila, the other one can take over.

Here are some potential choices:
--continue doing what you've been doing; or

--visit a lawyer to understand your rights upon divorce. Then put your foot down and say, this is it, her or me, I'm not competing any more, and BTW I've booked a marriage counselor and you're coming; if you don't choose me, you are choosing divorce (and also book individual counseling for BOTH of you); or

--get off the merry-go-round and start to detach from him by practicing the 180 (live your best self as if he had disappeared) and book a counselor for YOU; visit a lawyer to understand your rights; when you're ready, file for divorce

Unlike many other cheaters, he doesn't even seem to try to hide it much (except maybe when he's home with you). That sort of behavior is blatantly, blatantly disrespectful. Always having the threat of leaving you for her is serious emotional abusive. So NO MATTER WHAT, I strongly recommend individual counseling for you so that you get an understanding of why you stay with an emotionally abusive person.

I know "you love him" but you deserve to be loved and he hasn't done that for a long time.

__________________
Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass

Turning the Mind Into an Ally

YellowRoses

I've met one of his tarts, seen pics of 2 others and also recently seen photos of two girlfriends from years ago

All of them could be sisters , dark hair, dark eyes, large boobs and on the plump side.

He deffo has a type and it doesn't seem to ever have been me - I am blonde, blue eyed and have boobs in proportion rather than the top heavy topplers although I've always been curvy

He also seems to go for 'damaged'goods - one of his exes lives like a recluse now, one emigrated to Canada to get away from life here, one posOW had been terrorised and abused by her ex, one had been a single mum with huge family problems.

thunderstruck

Attractive women have better options vs. being the FB of a married guy.

I'm not Brad Pitt by any means, but I found that if I give a little attention to a fat/ugly (to use your terms) chick, some get all googly-eyed, like a teen girl with a crush. I've never tried to push it further, but I imagine they are easy prey for a married guy on the prowl.

__________________
Instant karma's gonna get you. -Lennon

Cosmos

I'd say this is one of the main reasons why people stray. Even if they say it was lack of sex, IMO, it's the lack of emotional connection that not having sex can bring.

__________________


When the past calls, let it go to voicemail. It has nothing new to say.