tobio

Well we are actually a little over a year past my now husband's EA. Short story is he met this girl at work, she gave him the massive come-on over a month or so, contact outside of work, the kiss, broken NC and he "didn't know how he felt anymore" (after having a baby five months prior.) I kicked him out after catching him texting her a month after, he moved back in and we undertook counselling and lots of heartache.

Our reconciliation was bumpy but we got there. We decided to get married (we had been engaged when it happened) a year later.

It's not the end of the journey. I think it's a work in progress. On my part I do feel what happened was a massive ****-up but I do believe he didn't see it coming and saw her as an escape from a very stressful life for a while. He is mortified by how he behaved looking back.

He has worked to rebuild trust. There's been some rough moments where he was selfish and didn't really comprehend how his behaviour was feeding into my feelings of concern but it really has been a learning curve for him rather than an instantaneous realisation.

On my part I have picked up on things *I* can work on. That has actually helped improve my life and give me some focus.

I suppose my main realisation is that forgiveness does not equal an instant "everything is okay now." Even now I still have moments or get upset and he comforts me. I still have to ask him to do things to help me feel better in certain situations. I AM a different person and I simultaneously resent that but feel better too. Hard to explain.

What about everyone else at a year out?

Saki

Have you read "how can I forgive you" by Janis A Springs?

One of the concepts that is presented is "forgiveness is a lifelong process".

I can tell you that, 1 yearish out from EA, 7 years from PA (separate incidents), I feel like every day, multiple times a day, I have to make a conscious decision to forgive - to not shut down, to not rub her face in it, to let it go and move on.

It may get easier over time, but it never goes away. Maybe it just becomes habit?

ReformedIdiot

Hi. Long time lurker, first time poster here.

Speaking from the side of the cheater, first year has gone remarkably well. I'm not divorced after all. I cannot believe, nor recognize the piece of crap I was before. Cannot comprehend what was going through my mind. We are doing good now, I am sure my wife still hurts but doesn't bring it up anymore. I still hurt alot, mostly because of the hurt that I put my wife through. Its one of those things I wouldn't wish on anyone. When I read the posts of people who are going through the same thing we did, I feel terrible for them.

the guy

At 1 years things were great, My fWW stopped all the texting (new phone), no more GNO's and she reconnected with the kids and me.

The hystirical bonding died down a little, but we still spend all our time together. MC was good but IC for both of us seemed effective in the R. Alot of date night back then, that to has died down a pit(money issues).

It was weird how it seemed she just had a switch that was turned, so that even made some what suspicous, so I continue to snoop....even infront of her (she didn't mind).

Its been 2-1/2 years now and the sex is good the connection is good and she has not gone back to any of those old behaviors. The snooping has died down and all is good.

It was just the other day we were hanging out at the pool for a few hours and she just went on about some of the longer affairs and her toxic friend. We did talk about some of the ONS but it seemed very painful for fWW...so she was some what brief with those kind of conversation.

Her trips to the sex clubs are painful for me, along with the "good friend" of mine.....so its been years since that was talked about.

Other then the random "I'm sorry" and "thanks for keeping me" she has a alot of effection for me and I her. Sex is a little different, I am no longer "using" her in such away that was simular to her past behavior...it still rough (thats just me) but we spend the time to kiss and look at each other.

At the end of the day we are just spending alot of time together, our friends are around, but no as much as they were before. Its us and the kids for the most part.