Seeking Honest Advice for a Soul in a Pickle

RichardCollier · 08-11-2012, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PBear

Richard,

What I can say is that I am happy I ended my marriage, even though I went through the steps all backwards. Since leaving my marriage, I've been seeing a very wonderful lady that I love a lot. I am in a much happier place in life, my kids seem well adjusted to the new situation. Not sure about my STBXW, as she has pulled a very solid 180 on me, which has actually made my separation easier.
C

Hello PBear. I'm not sure if this is the one "success story" (on the flipside) I was initially seeking. By any chance was this OW in the picture for any period of time before you and your wife divorced? Or did you meet this person long after you guys separated.

In my case, I was specifically looking for some other examples (besides the 3 I have been personally exposed to) where things have worked out when a person leaves a spouse for another love.

At this point, as sad as I currently feel I don't believe the new RELATIONSHP would be successful... probably no where near as successful as in the more narrow confines of when it was an affair. As much as my heart really wanted things to work out with the OW, the odds really seem stacked against it... and the more I think about the possible impact on the 3 children the more sick to the stomache I get.

Even though I greatly love this OW, I do have a lot of guilt and sad feelings toward the neglect (and potential loss) my wife would have felt as well. Just because I'm in love with someone else doesn't mean I don't have any feelings for the person I've lived with for so many years. We have a lot of history together and 3 beautiful children (the MAIN thing we have in common).

It would be awesome if my wife and I can fix things to the level that IHEARTLIFE had experienced. Considering the changes I've seen this past year, I actually do think the potential to that is there. But still... while this audience is likely clapping and applauding that I'm leaning towards breaking it off with the OW my heart is still bleeding profusely over the thought of that too.

the guy · 08-11-2012, 07:15 PM

I'm glad your back

DawnD · 08-11-2012, 07:15 PM

OP -- I think you have this idea that we all automatically hate YOU. You could not be more wrong. That is probably stemming from you not liking yourself right now.

Most here don't like what you are DOING, and we don't like what your wife is being put through. But most of the posts are genuine. The people who are posting ( for the most part) want to help you see what is happening around you.

the guy · 08-11-2012, 07:17 PM

I hate everyone, so its not just you RC.LOL

DawnD · 08-11-2012, 07:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the guy

I hate everyone, so its not just you RC.LOL

Well.....then there is the guy

Harken Banks · 08-11-2012, 07:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RichardCollier

At this point, as sad as I currently feel I don't believe the new RELATIONSHP would be successful... probably no where near as successful as in the more narrow confines of when it was an affair. As much as my heart really wanted things to work out with the OW, the odds really seem stacked against it... and the more I think about the possible impact on the 3 children the more sick to the stomache I get.

Even though I greatly love this OW, I do have a lot of guilt and sad feelings toward the neglect (and potential loss) my wife would have felt as well. Just because I'm in love with someone else doesn't mean I don't have any feelings for the person I've lived with for so many years. We have a lot of history together and 3 beautiful children (the MAIN thing we have in common).

It would be awesome if my wife and I can fix things to the level that IHEARTLIFE had experienced. Considering the changes I've seen this past year, I actually do think the potential to that is there. But still... while this audience is likely clapping and applauding that I'm leaning towards breaking it off with the OW my heart is still bleeding profusely over the thought of that too.

Proud of you for even thinking the thought that allowed you to write that.

RichardCollier · 08-11-2012, 08:08 PM

The bottom line to this entire scenario is to live an HONEST and GOOD life once and for all. The "no more cheating" policy has already been put in place.

Please don't be harsh on me or the OW. You do not know us. Please also don't over-sympathize (or be harsh) with my wife. You don't know her either.

Either way it goes it's a very serious and life-changing decision. While the woman who fell in love with me may also be "addicted" to the dopamine effect, I am certain that she will never stray or cheat again. Even if we ended up together if things didn't work out I know that she would leave me in dignity (without sleeping around behind my back).

One way or another we owe it to everyone (including ourselves) to not live a lie and secretly sneak around our partner's backs. We both need to be fully dedicated to one person.

the guy · 08-11-2012, 08:14 PM

No body knows no body around her, but we all have one thing in common and thats infidelity.

Count of Monte Cristo · 08-11-2012, 08:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RichardCollier

While the woman who fell in love with me may also be "addicted" to the dopamine effect, I am certain that she will never stray or cheat again. Even if we ended up together if things didn't work out I know that she would leave me in dignity (without sleeping around behind my back).

Richard, you can't be certain about what other humans will or won't do. Hell, you can't be certain about what YOU won't do. When you got married, did you envision yourself being unfaithful?

Count of Monte Cristo · 08-11-2012, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by the guy

No body knows no body around her, but we all have one thing income and thats infidelity.

The Guy, I love you man but what the heck did you just say?

Harken Banks · 08-11-2012, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Count of Monte Cristo

The Guy, I love you man but what the heck did you just say?

Would make a good tag line for the invite to a swingers ball.

EleGirl · 08-11-2012, 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RichardCollier

On a side note...

I am amazed at how incredibly FAST and RESPONSIVE people have been in chiming in their $0.02 on the subject. I'm getting the feeling this website is more addicting than any daytime "reality" talk show!

There has definitely been a lot of GENUINE heated moments here & there.

TAM anonymous…

the guy · 08-11-2012, 08:30 PM

I wish i could figure out how to paste a qoute.

What I mean is of course we don't know OP or his wife or his ex AP, and its easy for folks to go off on someone (especially if they cheat) but we still have one thing in common.

Sorry I'm watching the Huston Carolina game.

I can bearly spell or type as it is, now I'm trying to watch footbal and post here LOL

Count of Monte Cristo · 08-11-2012, 08:30 PM

her = here

Makes perfect sense now.

the guy · 08-11-2012, 08:37 PM

@count, just like the acronime here at TAM, maybe you guys can have a the-guy apprivation sheet for my posts.

Sorry for the thread jack RC