I'm pretty sure my wife is having an emotional affair
So, this is my first post on this forum. I was referred to this site by another forum, trying to figure out what to do with making my wife realize she's having an emotional affair. I JUST realized that she was having one today.
Background: Anyways, I'm in the Navy so I'm gone a decent bit to begin with. When I returned from my deployment to Afghanistan this past October, I noticed a lack of connection between my wife and I. I chalked this up to me being gone for the past 7 months, if any of you have deployed before this is pretty common for the most part. But it wasn't until she started to treat me poorly... every ****ing day, that it was beginning to get on my nerves. Again, I just got back from deployment so I thought she was stressed out from having a 2 yr old and a then 10month old constantly on her by herself.
While I was gone, she told me she wanted to start to work and help provide for the family. I told her it was a good idea and that I'll support her 100% in her endeavors. She got a job as a Personal Trainer, and she works with a bunch of guys who attempt to get in her pants. Those f****s are all gone, ESPECIALLY this one ****er who my wife seriously lusted after (we actually went to counseling at HER own suggestion because of this). However, she did develop a relationship with this one guy and at first it seemed innocent (my wife didn't really have any friends in the area other than me before this guy so I was like woo yay friend for my wife; this is the guy she's having the emotional affair with).
So we go to counseling, and it doesn't really get us anywhere. My wife then went to counseling on her own which helped her get out of most of her immature behavior. And it wasn't until we started doing the "Love Dare" that we started to get better. One of the dares was to tell your spouse 3 things that bothers you. I told her that she spent WAAAAYYY too much time on her phone texting her friend (the emotional affair guy). She got pissed and went on the defensive saying she had to talk to her clients and what not, I told her I got that, it's just don't text that guy as much. She winds up listening and not being on the phone all the damn time and we got better. We were on a good streak on the dares then all of a sudden she stopped and reverted to her phone texting the guy again. That was the beginning of another low point for us.
We had a discussion about this and how she was unhappy, and suggested we start the Love Dare over. Again, we do it and we're getting better. She stops using her phone as much and we actually have sex something that we hadn't done in a loooooong time. But, lo and behold, it turns sour... again. I noticed that it gets better when she's not using her phone and worse when she does. I had another talk with her, and she said that it's not that she doesn't think about doing the dare, it's that I'll always be here, and so I'm casted to the side.
So, literally 2 nights ago, I go plug her phone in and her convo with the guy goes HIM - i want to take a shower with you
HIM -it'll save on water lol
so on and so forth. IMO, HIGHLY inappropriate. I confront my wife about this in the morning and she gets all defensive saying that it's an inside joke, he's like a brother, etc, etc. And now she barely talks to me.
Today I went to go birthday shopping for my wife, went to a bookstore to look for another relationship book, and that's when I came across one on emotional affairs. I flipped through it, and realized it pertained directly to MY current situation. I looked back on what my wife has told me about the guy, who I know and he actually told my wife not to hook up with the guy she lusted after so I kind of trusted him being friends with my wife, and she said that he changes how he acts around her whenever I'm in the gym, he's in a crummy relationship, they ***** to each other about me and his girlfriend, and how everyone at the gym thinks that they're f***g, and her clients are shocked to find out that I'M her HUSBAND! Anyways, she said that he came up to her and bragged about how long he lasted when he was banging his gf, and how he said that he wanted to go to a sex shop with her. AGAIN, things that I find inappropriate to tell a married woman.
I need some advice on how to handle this. There are a few things though that I DON'T want to hear. Divorce and divorce. When I said the words "For better or for worse" I meant that, and I have a commitment to myself, my family, and God to uphold that. Thanks ahead of time! yes, the other man is a coworker of hers, and they still work together