lifeisnotsogood

The first time someone cheats is not usually planned out this well (see-thru neglige). Sure, you may prevent something from happening, but chances are, it's already occurred earlier this month.

I'm sorry this is happening to you, but all you can do now is investigate. Do a reverse look-up on the number to find out who it is. Send a friend to this person's house selling newspapers or something. The guy may have traveled to the east coast too. You can't really confront her because she'll go underground. She'll stop texting on her phone, or worse, get a texting app that doesn't show the number. She'll say he is just a friend and you are overreacting. Then she'll turn it around on you. Here's your likely scenario:

You: Honey, are you having an EA?
Her: What? (while she gathers her thoughts) Why would you say that?

You: I noticed you were acting different and It concerned me so I looked at our phone bill and noticed you've been calling and texting XXX.
Her: Oh that. He's just a friend from work and he's having marriage issues. He rely's on me for a woman's perspective.

You:He's been texting you like mad though.
Her: I know hun. He's really going through it.

You: I also noticed you bought a see-thru nelgage. You normally sleep naked.
Her: I just picked something up so I wouldn't have to sleep naked over there. Geez, what's with the 20 questions

You: Sorry but why didn't you tell me about this?
Her: Well, you don't know the guy. i didn't think you'd find it interesting. By the way, why are you checking up on me? Are you doing something wrong? I can't believe this. If you can't trust me then we shouldn't be together. Your such and A&%.

(Dialtone)...

You call back, but no answer. You leave a message, "Sorry honey. I'm just felling a little insecure. I love you."

She text back, "Fine. I love you too."

Now where were we? (she says to the OM)

Think!

Has she been guarding her phone lately?

Is her phone locked?

Unexplained absences or delays after work?

Can you hack into her FB or email?

something is already going on. Sorry buddy.

Entropy3000

Yes. he could even be her escort. She telling folks that her husband could not attend but she was fortunate that her friend could step in.

Anything not involving immediately flying out is total FAIL.

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

Greg40

from the wedding email - I think the ceremony is about 20 mins. but they've padded a whole bunch of stuff either side.

It will likely end about 7 pm East coast time.

She still has to stay till tomorrows brunch. She won't be getting away from relatives hanging around until at least then.

I was half hoping she would be drunk on the phone call - might be more truthful, more painful for her or maybe it would backfire.

But she's not a drinker though and as unpredictable as a drunk call might be..whatever she was planning on doing over the next few days, continued EA or PA, it wont be inebriated.

I guess I'll find out in a few hours, she seems to call me right before their two hours of whatever

I really need some sleep too.....I shouldn't approach this groggy and I'm about to hit 24 hours being awake.


Weirdly I feel alert. Hard to sleep.

Entropy3000

BTW. She will spend the night with the OM and skip the brunch.

She will have a headache or say she needed to go home sooner. Bank on it.

Oh and are you sure the nightie is not a gift for the bride?

__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."

lifeisnotsogood

Now you're thinking.

Machiavelli

Greg, allowing a woman to attend a wedding solo is only slightly better than letting her go to a meatmarket for GNO. Do you have any idea how many married women hook up at out of town weddings? I don't either, but I know it's a lot. They're all in the mood already just because it's a wedding and everybody is dressed up. Where is she on her cycle?

Once the texting stops, you'll know she's up in his room for the party. If it keeps going all night, you're still safe and maybe they're just skyping each other off.

Since the PA is the deal breaker, there's no need for the PI. Can you access her flight itinerary to check for any changes?

Jibril

I don't disagree. I suspected from the first post that the other man was an old friend of the family or ex boyfriend. His presence at the wedding would not be surprising in the least.

However, the OP seems more concerned with keeping this affair from becoming physical at all costs. Despite how heinously premeditated his wife's affair is, I guess he can bounce back so long as she doesn't f*ck the other man.

If you can't make the trip, then expose the affair. Neither you nor we know if the other man is there, or if they haven't already had sex. We just don't know. I still think you should fly over there and scare her straight, and expose to her family one shot. Unfortunately, you will NEVER know if she had sex with him. She won't ever admit to it, and if you crush the affair now, you'll never really know.

Do what you think is best. You absolutely MUST expose her affair to her family, regardless. But know this - regardless of whether of not you wife had sex with another man, it seems clear to me that she had a powerful emotional affair and went to the wedding with every INTENTION of cheating.

Do you really want to stay married to someone like that?
Posted via Mobile Device

warlock07

Call, confront and create a sh!t storm!!(on the phone). Ask her to catch the next flight home after the wedding. Call and threaten the OM. Just c0ck block somehow until she gets back!!!

lifeisnotsogood

Interesting...the guy has a throw-away phone.

ReturnOfTheKitty

Do you have access to her fb and email accounts?

Sbrown

Call OM from a blocked number. Most people don't answer a blocked number. If he sends it to voice mail and he has a greeting like "Hi youve reached OM leave a message." You get his name. Have a friend do it if you can just in case he answers the phone. Worth a try.

Then call you're WW and ask, "Who is OM and why is his wife calling me saying you two are having an affair?"

warlock07

Or better, call him from a payphone (as a debt collector)

kenmoore14217

There have been several options offered here, most of them very good.

Here's another one. Do you have access to two phones. While speaking to your wife on one phone call the OM on the other phone. Listen for a ring in the background during your wife's conversation.

It's best to follow your intuition in these matters and the negligee situation makes my intuition peak.

Please keep up posted and good luck.

ReturnOfTheKitty

This is where people go wrong, you see, if he were to follow your approach that would give his wife a lot of escape routes that would eventually lead to gaslighting. She would most definitely deny and say that the OMW is a crazy *****.

The thing about cheaters is they will lie through the skin of their teeth to cover their asses. Its a part of the good wife/husband image they are trying to maintain.

The only way you'd be able to get any where with a confrontation is when you have all the rest of the avenues blocked. And I advocate confronting in person, you can watch their reactions.

Machiavelli

OP, needs to get on the plane. He can run his internet sh*t through his laptop.