she begins begging me not to leave her and tells me how much she loves me and this had nothing to do with the sex and all that..
Did she volunteer that or was that an answer to a question of yours? If she did volunteer it is like that stuff on youtube when a guy says "i'm not a racist" right before saying something incredibly racist...
Did she volunteer that or was that an answer to a question of yours? If she did volunteer it is like that stuff on youtube when a guy says "i'm not a racist" right before saying something incredibly racist...
What did she says the reasons for it were?
It wasn't the sex. It never is and the OM is never bigger than the BH. That's how you know it was great sex.
Maybe this was a bad idea.. some of this really hurts. Maybe im being a babby about it, but why the hell would I want to hear anything about his great seamen and her craving for it? Really? ?how the hell does that help me? Posted via Mobile Device
It wasn't the sex. It never is and the OM is never bigger than the BH. That's how you know it was great sex.
I have to disagree that it doesn't necessarily have to be the BEST sex.... as per your previous post.... there are a lot of physiological benefits despite the quality of sex or the size of the penis.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli
Affair sex is the best sex ever. A huge explosion of dopamine, norepinephrine, and other chemicals put your wife on a crack-like high. Then there are the warm fuzzys from the mood elevating chemicals in his semen, which is why they didn't use a rubber.
The hormones and neurotransmitters alone can make it highly addictive.
Maybe this was a bad idea.. some of this really hurts. Maybe im being a babby about it, but why the hell would I want to hear anything about his great seamen and her craving for it? Really? ?how the hell does that help me? Posted via Mobile Device
It IS hard!!!! Every betrayed spouse here on TAM is here to help you! Please stay and listen. Some of it might be too much to take. My H, Dig (also a BS), can attest to the challenges of TAM and how hard it is to listen to those who have the experience and have been here a lot longer. Take a deep breath, give it some time to digest. You are here because you need help. Please let those who know best help you!
Sure there is a large degree of decieption here, but sometimes the price a WW pays to have this emotional attachment with the AP (affair partner) is the sex.
If the OM doesn't get the sex the WW will surely lose this "awsome" friend.
Thats what I think...as niave as OP's WW is, I think her lack of boundries for going over to OM place was not to have sex but the OM said all the right things.
I could be wrong WW could have been seeing OM for years and the EA just turned PA.
I could also me wrong and it could have been a PA for a very long time with his best friend.
Hell worste case is she is a serial cheater and there are multiable OM.
OP just doesn't know anything other then what WW has told him..............ICEBERG..................
Point here is OP owes it to him self to fully investigate this crap.
It helps you understand what and who you are dealling with.
Sure some guys consider this a deal breaker period and thats fine.
Other guy have kids, house, retirement, income property, and assets....helll they just love the sh!t out of there WW and then there is a certain degree that may be a deal breaker. Like if the A is continuing.
Was it a one time deal... a mistake worth forgiving...if so what are you really forgiving.
You say you're a family man and she's unwilling to be a mother. Is it worth to sacrifice something so important now that she's proved to be unfaithful, despite no marital problems?
Second, she needs to give you a valid/rational reason as to why she did this. You don't just end up and sleeping with someone you know from high school if have a 9 year relationship with another. Not at least if you have any value for your SO.
If you sweep this under the rug b/c its so painful your marriage is toast...not now , not in a month, but in years....see it takes time for the resentment to build up in you.
What will your WW learn from all of this if you sweep in under the rug?
Ok TSWM, the reason this is important is because its the reality of your situation. A lot of cheaters will break down, cry, beg when confronted and then a week or two later you'll see evidence of her still in contact with the other man and perhaps even erasing the messages.
It can be rough, everything is shaken up now, but a week later she may tell you she just isn't willing to have the OM out of her life. And some of the time the reason will be for the electrifying and bonding sex she may have had with this man.
You're not gonna get her real feelings on this for quite some time, especially since you had to poke and prod her for the dirt so its not like she sat you down and confessed to it, and the distinction between the two is very important.
Rug sweeping this will be the death of your marriage so please eventhough what you may read here can be tough and frank, stick around and let people help you and help yourself by having an understanding base to vent to.
Your marriage is going to have to change.
She got in contact with him, find out why.
She went over to his house, she knew what was gonna happen and don't let her tell you otherwise. You don't go to an ex's home expecting an iced tea and a good chat. She is downsizing it, they didn't just 'wind up there' either. She knew there was going to be sex, but she still went anyway. Find out why and "I don't know" isn't an acceptable answer for anything you will have to ask her.
Did they really just have sex one time? For you to EVER have any modicum of trust in her again you are gonna have to know EVERYTHING, all the gory details, the lies, all of it. Did she do oral? Anal? did she do things for him she wouldn't do for you? Did she kiss him the same way she kisses you? If you don't know everything and choose to reconcile, the possibilities and unknowns will haunt you and make the mind movies 200% WORSE with you imagining hundreds of different ways they had sex.
With all that you won't be able to move on completely, and you will begin to resent her for it
Even though your resentment has a good reason for it, it will cause her to resent you and you'll end up in a false reconcilation and a bad marriage.
I'll give you my view of it, do you really want to get back together with her? You have no children and she told you a few days ago that she didn't want any kids.
You've just been confronted with a woman who has betrayed your trust and voiced opinions of not wanting children.
Also if you do get back together she may only have children as some form of recompense to you for her cheating, not because she truly wants to be a loving mother to your children.
Theres a lot of land mines here and bad signs for the future of a marriage with strife this early on. You've been together nearly ten years and yet she does this within the first two years of the marriage.
If you want to reconcile, go to marriage consoling with her and individual consoling for both of you. If that is your choice and everyone here will respect it.
But faced with the issues above, now would be the best time to cut your losses, and go find someone with whom you can have a completely trusting relationship because you'll never be able to fully trust her 100% again, ever and you need to think about that emotional ceiling that would be in the relationship if you choose to reconcile.
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Re: Can it be salvaged 
