I'm 30. It has everything to do with faith, not so much to do with religion. My dad divorced once before he married my mom.
I see marriage as something that shouldn't be dissolved unless there is abuse involved. I'm also a hopeless romantic. I've only had sex with my wife, I'm very proud of that considering I have been asked by many other women (before marriage). Divorce would hurt that pride, and yes I'm starting to deal with the reality that I will likely have to swallow that pride.
By faith I assume you are referring to the idea that you are a bible believing Christian and do not put any thought into the organized religions.
There are two things you need to keep in mind if my above statement is correct. 1) St. Paul did write about marriage and that infidelity is grounds for divorce. 2) You may or may not believe in the concept of the 7 deadly sins, but pride is most assuredly one of them - in fact it's the deadliest of them all. As a bible believing Christian (if that is what you are), don't let your pride get in the way of living in a faithless marriage. Being prideful to this extent will only delay a very hard fall that I think you will eventually experience if you don't put severe pressure on your wife to get her head out of her ass or to get the hell out of the marriage.
By faith I assume you are referring to the idea that you are a bible believing Christian and do not put any thought into the organized religions.
There are two things you need to keep in mind if my above statement is correct. 1) St. Paul did write about marriage and that infidelity is grounds for divorce. 2) You may or may not believe in the concept of the 7 deadly sins, but pride is most assuredly one of them - in fact it's the deadliest of them all. As a bible believing Christian (if that is what you are), don't let your pride get in the way of living in a faithless marriage. Being prideful to this extent will only delay a very hard fall that I think you will eventually experience if you don't put severe pressure on your wife to get her head out of her ass or to get the hell out of the marriage.
My faith is in purpose. I could have been more clear and could be clearer still, but this isn't a religious forum, and the outline of my beliefs would fill a book that would bore the thrill seekers that often lurk in these parts.
The bible is a curiosity of mine, as is any other influential writing.
I see your point about pride. Thank you for sharing your insight. I'm not good at pride. I was just thinking about it last week, so it's amusing that it came up here...
@Aug: you're misunderstanding me. I am incredibly attracted to my wife! I want sex with my wife. I want romantic sex, playful sex, hot sex,spontaneous sex, explorative sex, tender sex. I love being sexual, and I'm very focused and creative. My desire and stamina are both very, very high.
Our lack of sex is at her insistence. She maintains that she does not enjoy being sexual, and that it one of the largest reasons why I'm unsure of our marriage. Yes, she was (apparently) happy to try to sexually satisfy two men for months, but now is claiming no interest - I have told her I think that is hypocritical.
I honestly believe she is LD, and views sex as an act of bonding or duty; she feels that she's already bonded to me or is doing me a large enough favor by not contacting the OM.
Hmmmm, not good. it sounds like she is no longer interested in the marriage. It is convenient and secure at the moment, but will not be if the opportunity comes for her to depart once again. Not sure what is said at MC, but it certainly is not bringing the marriage to R.
__________________ I ka 'olelo no ke ola, i ka 'olelo no ka make.
Loosely translated: The saying tells the Hawaiians that words can either be a source for healing or destroying and so we need to be careful with our words
I'm 30. It has everything to do with faith, not so much to do with religion. My dad divorced once before he married my mom.
I see marriage as something that shouldn't be dissolved unless there is abuse involved. I'm also a hopeless romantic. I've only had sex with my wife, I'm very proud of that considering I have been asked by many other women (before marriage). Divorce would hurt that pride, and yes I'm starting to deal with the reality that I will likely have to swallow that pride.
He's still volunteering at her place of employment. It's a nonprofit, and he's on a committee. Her therapist thinks it's fine.
Separation seems counterproductive, but maybe we'll have to revisit it at our next MC session.
Your WW will never defog from her affair feelings because ever time WW sees OM at work she gets an OM fix for her addiction.
This continued contact is keeping the affair alive. WW won't put out because she still needs to be faithful to the OM. Even if they are not being in a PA any more.
You need to get the book Survivng An Affair by Dr Harley.
You need to learn about NC. That means WW and OM can not work together now or ever.
You should consider selling the house and moving everyone far away from the OM.
You also need to learn how to do and effective exposure. This means at work.
Then I have to say your opinion of your counselor is dead on. Fire her. Only thing a separation that the counselor wants to happen is that it will make it easy for WW to restart her affair and end your marriage.
I know that if you follow the steps in Survivng An Affair you will kill the affair , defog your WW, recover your marriage, and get your joy stick wet again.
@Aug: you're misunderstanding me. I am incredibly attracted to my wife! I want sex with my wife. I want romantic sex, playful sex, hot sex,spontaneous sex, explorative sex, tender sex. I love being sexual, and I'm very focused and creative. My desire and stamina are both very, very high.
Our lack of sex is at her insistence. She maintains that she does not enjoy being sexual, and that it one of the largest reasons why I'm unsure of our marriage. Yes, she was (apparently) happy to try to sexually satisfy two men for months, but now is claiming no interest - I have told her I think that is hypocritical.
I honestly believe she is LD, and views sex as an act of bonding or duty; she feels that she's already bonded to me or is doing me a large enough favor by not contacting the OM.
Wow, sorry to say, but she is not LD, she is detached from the marriage. You both need the intimacy right now, it may end up getting worse. It's great that you are affectionate with each other, but seriously, she seems like she's got everything her way.
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