I just found out my wife cheated on me after 6 years of marriage!
My situation really sucks. I work across the country and I'm away for 4-6 weeks at a time. My work has stopped for a few months. I've been home now for a couple months. Since then a few co-workers moved to my city where I live. They soon met my wife and hung out with us and partied together from time to time. Soon they were hanging out without me being there and she got close to one of them. Our marriage was rocky for the past couple months. There was name calling and lots of verbal/ mental abuse! She continued to go out for coffee/ drinks with just this one individlual and started to open up and vent her problems with me to him! I've noticed this and ask wtf was going on but she always said their just friends! I'm 27 years old/ she's 27 this friend is 23 and a big looser/ dumbass at work who we all make fun of! Regardless they had a special connection - gave eachother advice etc.... One night when I was going to bed I noticed her Facebook was open with msgs from him to her. I noticed them flirting and her saying she was laying in bed naked and so was he etc etc... I acted too quick and woke her up- she scrambled and reached for the laptop! She told me they kissed and that's all! She tried to kiss him but he stopped her and told her she's married and I'm his friend etc etc.
They stopped talking for awhile.
We continued to fight and drift apart!
I guess they started to talk be "friends" again!
This past weekend I was at work and came home around 11!
She was in bed sleeping with our 5 year old son!
I went on the computer and found her Facebook open!
So I snooped on her msgs with this motherfucjer!
I found out msgs how she wants to **** him on her office desk and ****.
Also a I love you more war , how I love you more no I love you more- lol
I took pictures of everything and woke her up and asked to come downstairs to talk! She cam down and confessed to having sex with him a week ago!
Wow I'm really destroyed about all this! This lil ***** she cheated with has nothing going for him - no car - no house - sleeps on the floor at someone's house etc... He's a little punk! They way I see it she needed someone to listen and he did! But he ****ed my wife and I work with him! Well not at the moment but soon enough! I don't wanna see him cause I will hurt him bad! I don't know what to do! Should I leave her?
We have a house, car and most important a child together!
I don't wanna stay only because of the child!
I need advice please!!!'
Thats what i posted a week ago on another site but no help.
Now I'm a week in and she obviously thinks its my fault and i pushed her away etc.... I didn't stick his penis in her vagina though. She doesnt want to delete him from facebook witch makes me wonder why> she still has feelings or she's still attached. She wants to get help and work things out but i get the feeling sometimes she doesn't because she used some stupid words and made fun of this situation more and cut my wound deeper. We pretty much fought about this bull**** today and she feels like she didn't do anything wrong.
Your wife screwed another man, and didn't do anything wrong---was she dropped on her head recently
first, do not become mr nice guy, or go lovey-dovey, with her---she has destroyed, her mge, her child, and you---and this needs to be handled harshly
I assume she is a SAHM, so if you dump her, she is gonna be in deep trouble, trying to find work, and keep a kid, and make a life ---so remember, you hold all the cards
If you do not D., and go R---read everything you can, on how to set out boundaries, on how to handle her, and how not to let this get swept under the rug
She thinks its nothing---what kind of morals does she have, or does she not know what the definition of mge. is
As to blame---your wife is solely to blame, for this---and she is where your beef lies, her lover is a total POS, but you did not marry him, and you didn't take vows with him
You need to haul your wife out of her cozy little lifestyle, and give her a dose of reality---kick her out of the marital bedroom---put her, her clothes, and cosmetics, in a small room in the house, and for now that is where she stays, if she doesn't like it, tell her she knows where the door is, cut off her access to marital finances, but let her know, if she wants to stay in the mge---she will from now on pay half of all the marital bills, including all insurances
You will get nowhere in setting up a R., if you are not hard as nails---and keep your single friends away from your house, that right there started this whole mess----you party, with married couples, who are friends of your mge---not with single guys, who are PUA------you put the other guy down as being "nothing", well guess what under the right conditions, mr "nothing", had your wife----if you stay, you are gonna have to become a parole officer, and watch everrything---is that the future, you want, as to a mge/mge partner.
ask her to leave the home for a couple days to be with him, on the floor in his buddies house. Tell her she choose to ruin your marriage the this POSOM, and you need time to think to yourself.
I assume she slept with this guy at your house, since he doesnt have one? Only makes the thought worse I know. But get the details of the events, the more you know, the more you know about the person you have marriage vows with.
Seperate your finances with her, see a lawyer and have her served. Give her a big wake up call.
Hi Onemic.
You may find us a little less than caring and sharing this week. It has been a tough few days on this board and a lot of the vets are a bit tired. Hang in there. You have found a safe place.
Just a little housekeeping..
DO NOT TELL YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS SITE.
DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE. YOU DO NOT SAY YOU WILL LEAVE. Use chrome and go ingognito.
Do not save your password.
There are three main directions of dealing with affair, and you must take all three for any degree of success.
Gather information of where you stand. Do not rely on cheater's words. Get a voice-activated recorder and place it where she is used to talk candidly (her car, bathroom, living room while you're away). Install a keylogger on her PC.
Expose the affair. To her parents, to his SO if he has any. Yes, you really have to do that. Don't argue, just do it. Affairs thrive in secrecy.
Change the relationship dynamics. You are not supposed to beg her to stop cheating on you! She has to beg for you to stay. You have to be mentally prepared to cut your losses and move on. As long as you care more about marriage than her, it's not going to work. Not a chance.
So file and have her served. This will show you will not tolerate sh*t smeared on your face, and ultimately leaves her with no leverage to threaten you with.
While divorcing her or reconciling (maybe) is up to you, just make you you DON'T make any statements that you'll never divorce her, be there for her forever etc.
Thanks for your input guys!
She says she hasn't talked to him but their only way of communication would be Facebook since he has no phone!
I played a few infidelity videos from YouTube for her tonight and she couldn't handle them. She got upset.Why? I don't know.
After the videos she wanted to be alone. I left her be. It got late and I noticed she couldn't sleep and was using the washroom frequently and just walking around.
We haven't slept in the same bed since the discovery. In my head I thought she was MSGing this lil ***** thru Facebook since I seen him online and she was still up. I'm not sure but she got really defensive when I suspected it and asked!
Ive asked for her to delete him but I've just noticed anyone can send a MSG to anybody without being friends anyways!
She said she would delete with my presence I just forgot to follow through. We'll do that first thing tomorrow when she returns from work.
I wasn't planning on leaving or anything just yet! My head is still everywhere and needs to settle! Although at times it seems like a good idea! She can't do anything on her own- or anything around the house that is! Posted via Mobile Device
__________________ Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.
Oh. I am sorry. I did not read the last line of your post.
Note to self. Always read first posts from bottom to top
She either ends it. Deletes him and Never contacts him again or she is out.
This starts NOW.
She will call you controlling.
She will swear at you.
She will lie to you.
How can you tell if a cheater is lying?
There lips are moving.
The woman you loved and the mrriage you had has gone. The evil twin is here..
Im sorry this happened to you. You will have to make a believer out of her. She needs to understand you are perfectly willing to divorce her and expose what she has been doing. Of course she slept with him. You cant believe anything she says right now as she is on the defensive.
You found the messages. Tell her to write a no contact letter. Get it to the loser. Then explain to her how the affair will be exposed.
None of this will be easy and again I am really sorry you are having to deal with this.
Thanks for your input guys!
She says she hasn't talked to him but their only way of communication would be Facebook since he has no phone!
I played a few infidelity videos from YouTube for her tonight and she couldn't handle them. She got upset.Why? I don't know.
After the videos she wanted to be alone. I left her be. It got late and I noticed she couldn't sleep and was using the washroom frequently and just walking around.
We haven't slept in the same bed since the discovery. In my head I thought she was MSGing this lil ***** thru Facebook since I seen him online and she was still up. I'm not sure but she got really defensive when I suspected it and asked!
Ive asked for her to delete him but I've just noticed anyone can send a MSG to anybody without being friends anyways!
She said she would delete with my presence I just forgot to follow through. We'll do that first thing tomorrow when she returns from work.
I wasn't planning on leaving or anything just yet! My head is still everywhere and needs to settle! Although at times it seems like a good idea! She can't do anything on her own- or anything around the house that is! Posted via Mobile Device
she doesnt need a facebook period. she needs to delete the whole account. any distraction to the marriage has to be cut out. she will say she needs it to post pics of the kids and keep up with so and so....she can find other ways.
Had sex with him just once - possible, but not likely.
Cheaters are liars. I don't care how honest your wife has been in the past, assume everything she is telling you now is a lie, UNLESS it is supported by actions.
Cheaters follow a script. It really is remarkable how similarly they all act. Your wife is following the script to a T. Blaming you is par for the course.
Your wife is still involved with this other guy. She told him she loved him and she had sex with him. The only reason it ended is that you found out. Do you think she stopped loving him just because of you finding out? All she is doing now is trying to appease you enough so that you won't leave her, while she continues to have a relationship with the other man. She needs you for financial and family stability; she wants him for love and sex. She will do what she has to in order to maintain both, which WILL include a large amount of lying to you. She is dragging her feet on ending Facebook contact. She will set up another way to communicate with him.
IF you want to save your marriage, you have to take some decisive actions to end the affair. There is no guarantee that you can save your marriage. You have to be willing to lose your marriage in order to save it.
If you want to save your marriage, the first step is to break up the affair. Even if the affair has temporarily stopped, it is likely to start up again unless you take action to stop them. At this moment, you do not know if your wife is in conact or not, you don't know if she is even sincere about wanting to end contact, you don't know the other man's level of interest, and you don't know if they will be able to fight the urge to contact each other even if they try to stop.
Tell your wife that you love her now and have always loved her and that you are willing to work on yourself and work on your marriage, but not if she insists on continuing to cheat on you. Tell her that you want to stay married, but not if she insists on betraying her vows and cheating on you. Tell her that if she is willing to give up the other man, you will work as hard as you can on improving yourself and your marriage, but if she is not willing to give up the other man, you can and will file for divorce and move on without her.
Tell your wife that you cannot control her, you can only control yourself and what you are willing to accept in a marriage and what you are not willing to accept, and how you react to her actions. Tell your wife that in order for you to continue in the marriage, she must meet the following conditions:
Your wife must handwrite a no contact letter to the other man stating how horribly ashamed she is of her behavior, how terrible she feels for risking losing her marriage, family, and husband, which are the most important things in the world to her, and stating that if the other man ever attempts to contact her again, she will file harassment charges against him. She gives you the letter for editing and to mail to the other man.
If the other man tries to contact her, she must not respond and let you know immediately.
Your wife must give you complete access to all communication devices and passwords to accounts. She must not delete any messages. Also, she has to let you know her whereabouts 24/7 until you develop some level of trust. She must block the other man on Facebook and all other devices and accounts. If you think she should give up Facebook because that is the way they contact each other, then she should give up Facebook.
Your wife must give you the complete truth about all affair details. Tell her if you find out anything she tells you is a lie later, it will ruin the reconciliation and you will divorce her. Almost certainly she has minimized the length of time, the number of sexual encounters, and her involvement as far as who pursued who. All of this is fairly recent, you know she remembers all of the significant details very well. You may want to set up a polygraph to verify the major details, such as how many times she has had sex with the other man and the last time she had contact with the other man.
Tell her that if she refuses to meet any of your conditions you will file for divorce. Then, if she refuses, do it. Sometimes filing for divorce is the only way the cheater realizes you are serious and they can't push you around anymore. Divorce is a long process and you can always stop it if your wife agress to stop cheating and work on the marriage.
Also, get a few voice-activated recorders and some heavy-duty velcro and put it under the seat of your wife's car and in your bedroom or other rooms in your house where your wife is likely to have phone contact with the other man. This may help you to find out the truth about what has happened and what continues to happen. If you can put a gps on the car, that also might help you find out the truth of her being where she says she is.
Stay calm, cool and confident in all of your dealings with your wife. Do not cry, beg, or plead. Do not shout or scream.
If she is hostile to you, consider carrying a voice-activated recorder with you to defend yourself against false accusations of violence or abuse when you talk with your wife.
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its been a week....... 
