It seems to me that opposite sex friends in a marriage usually ends up doing more harm than good. Unless it's a mutual friend I think this is something that spouses need to get a handle on and an understanding about. I know there's the point about work colleagues but my thoughts on that is there shouldn't be any single interaction. For example going to lunch together alone. Also, there's no reason for communication outside of work unless it's a critical work matter.
But seriously, reading all these threads recently about husbands whose wives are turning lesbian because of some lady they met, makes me think same sex friends are just as bad
In general though, people can be friends with whomever so long as they value their spouse and respect marital boundaries.
It's just a needless temptation. There are millions of people in the world who swore they would NEVER cheat and would ALWAYS have boundaries, and then they cheated.
It's much more likely that your spouse will cheat with an accessible person rather than go to the trouble of going out alone to a pickup joint, or looking through the personals.
It's not about having friends of the opposite sex, it's about respect for your marriage and as importantly respect for yourself.
I have male friends whom I meet for lunch and spend time alone with but there is never any issues. I'm not attracted to them and there is no secrecy or deception in our friendships and my (and their) marriages come first.
I have a lot of male friends - mostly due to my interests and choice of profession. I also grew up with 3 brothers, no sisters, which might have something to do with it. Most of my best friends are men, although I usually become friends with their wives/gf's too (even if it is more of a casual friendship with the women).
When I cheated though... it was not with one of my close male friends. It was with a guy who was more of an acquaintance. He'd occasionally hang out with my group of friends, but I didn't know him that well. Because we lived near each other, I let him drive me home one night after I had too many drinks to drive myself. We went from barely know to full blown affair in about 2 weeks.
Did I have an affair because I had too many close male friends? No.. I had an affair because when the opportunity presented itself, I chose to betray my husband in an attempt to escape my problems rather than face them.
I have a lot of male friends - mostly due to my interests and choice of profession. I also grew up with 3 brothers, no sisters, which might have something to do with it. Most of my best friends are men, although I usually become friends with their wives/gf's too (even if it is more of a casual friendship with the women).
When I cheated though... it was not with one of my close male friends. It was with a guy who was more of an acquaintance. He'd occasionally hang out with my group of friends, but I didn't know him that well. Because we lived near each other, I let him drive me home one night after I had too many drinks to drive myself. We went from barely know to full blown affair in about 2 weeks.
Did I have an affair because I had too many close male friends? No.. I had an affair because when the opportunity presented itself, I chose to betray my husband in an attempt to escape my problems rather than face them.
LOL. Threadjack alert!!
Object...being that you're the wayward spouse, you are sooo seriously triggering me with your screen name
If there is reason to be jealous it is exceedingly healthy.
It is like pain. Pain is very important to us. Without pain to warn us we would be in big trouble.
These things exist as part of evolution and survival.
So jealousy is like pain. It can be a warning. If you have pain all the time without reason that is bad. Same as with jealousy.
People who want to have extramarital interactions do not like jealousy. A guy wanting to hot on married women would hate jealousy for example.
Cheaters like to call people jealous, insecure and controlling.
On this thread topic though most folks are totally clueless about EAs.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
I do have a male friend that I do go to lunch with maybe 2x a year. I have put up the boundaries from the beginning (we've been friends 20 years) if he disrespects those boundaries, he's disrespecting ME... He'd be gone in a second but so far that hasn't been a problem. My H knows him but chooses not go around him since he's alittle to much into his "feminine side" (not gay just talks about his feelings alot) and my H's not into that.
Then you are using this term in the wrong context.
You chose a definition for jealousy you liked but did not apply here.
What applies here relates to protecting relationships.
Soooooo. Try Wikipedia and Sexual Jealousy. You will find information more pertinent to this thread. But when you find the information ... read it all the way through.
I have female freinds. I do not have close female friends. I do not spend time alone with them and or date them. I do not use the cover of saying they are like a sister to me. As this has been rehashed a thousand times, guys will invest time in women as friends they have sexual interest in.
Why not just stay single and date? Why get married if you want to hangout / date opposite sex friends? That is all emotional energy that could be going into the primary relationship.
__________________
Rectitude--Courage--Benevolence--Respect--Honesty--Honor--Loyalty
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing."
"Why do we fall? So we might learn to pick ourselves up."
"It’s not who we are underneath, but what we do that defines us."
Last edited by Entropy3000; 08-18-2012 at 12:35 AM.
Actually, jealousy is an emotion, and like all human emotions, it is neither good nor bad. You can't help how you feel. You can, however, control how you react to an emotion. It's the reaction that is healthy, or unhealthy.
Jealousy over one's life partner is a biologically driven phenomenon.
Loss of the male partner meant that the woman with children had to fend for herself in the world with no male protector--go back a little ways in time and this meant risking death.
Loss of a female partner meant that a man could not be certain that his children weren't biologically his. So it would be a strain on the resources of the family if the man had to raise not only his own children, but also other children that an unfaithful wife brought into the family. Go back a little ways in time and this meant risking death.
Naturally, above a certain economic level, this is no longer true. But the instinctive reaction to one's life partner showing interest to a member of the opposite sex has a very real biological foundation.
Again, it's the reaction to jealousy that is unhealthy--or healthy, as the case may be.
520Likes
Should there be opposite sex friends? 
