Joshy

Need some others perspective on this.

She is 29 and I am 25.
Me and my fiancée have been together for 3 years and have known each other for a total of 6. Through school too.

I have recently moved out due to lies and something I consider infidelity.

2 weeks into me and my fiancees relationship and ex-boyfriend of hers came back to town. How she found out I have no idea. An ex-boyfriend who left her and didn't say a single word to her for 4 months.

My fiancee was talking to him continuously, actually texting and talking to him at the time more than me. She did not once mention me and did not tell him she was in a relationship.
I know this because the ex-boyfriend somehow found out about me and sent me some proof that my fiancee might be a little sneaky.

She was texting him 10+ times a minute, calling cute names, that she loved him, she wanted to know why he left without a word. So on and so forth.

I confronted her about this and she initially lied about it. She told me she wasn't talking to him.
So I called her a liar and I showed her the text.

She broke down crying saying not to leave her not to leave her, so on and so forth.

Talking to her now about her actions she tells me, she didn't cheat, she didn't attempt to cheat. What she did was habitual, and she is not sorry for it, she did nothing wrong. She habitually contacted an ex she had not spoken to in 4 months and habitually talked to him the way she did and she habitually lied about it to my face.

If not cheating, I consider this attempting to cheat.

What do you guys think?

Bentley'sMom

Hmm, she may be trying to get closure if he left with no word BUT inappropriate contact with another man, flirting, etc, especially an ex is not acceptable.
If he hadn't of told you and had encouraged her, what might have happened? She may just be trying to think about life before committing to you, but then she isn't ready to marry.
She has destroyed your trust regardless and needs to proive to you she wants to work on things. Others will advise but total transparency is needed and you may always have a feeling of distrust. Only you can decide if she has done enough to try again.

Numb in Ohio

I think she will find another way to stay in contact with him... she may not have cheated yet,,,

Joshy

Well I feel the fact she lied to my face about it was proof enough she wasn't going to tell me. She denied it until I showed her the proof and then she admitted to it saying it was habit... I don't buy that because she didn't see or talk to him for an entire 4 months.

In my mind if she didn't cheat, she was going to or she tried to.

Bentley'sMom

If that is your deal breaker then yes, you are right to move on without her. Lies are awful in any relationship, and as you are not yet married, you may have dodged the proverbial bullet and saved yourself future grief.

lovelygirl

She emotionally cheated on you.
Hadn't you found out about these secretive texts she might have physically cheated on you.

The worst part is the she sees nothing wrong in what she did.
I guess she'll find other ways to stay in contact with him so you need to watch out.

__________________
Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.

jfv

You mean to tell me you moved out over this?????... Nice to see an OP STARTING OUT with his self respect.

lovelygirl

Also, she's not over her EX.
Question if it's worth marrying her in the first place.

__________________
Shaggy: Men of integrity don't have affairs. They don't have affairs not because there aren't other wonderful women out there besides their wives, they don't have affairs because as men of integrity they choose not to.

Joshy

I moved out for other things but this was to me just the last straw.

You did this and show no guilt? No remorse? No apology.

I am just wondering if people see it the same way I do and I am not jumping to a conclusion.

barcafan

The way I see it, she has no respect for your relationship. You guys are engaged and she spends time talking to her ex without even mentioning you?
You are only 25 and have your whole life ahead of you. I would not plan to spend the rest of my life with someone who wants to build a life with me based on lies.
However, It's easy for me to sit here and say DTB without being in your shoes.
I also think that you did the right thing by moving out and letting her know what a BOSS you are.
Much Respect!

jfv

You are jumping to a conclusion......the right one. And you are responding accodingly. You are well on your way to saving yourself decades of anxiety, disrespect and heartache. Good Work.

barcafan

You are jumping to a conclusion, but it is the right one.

costa200

If the EX sent you that she probably did that stuff to him. At least he seemed decent enough warning you of this.

MattMatt

Not looking too good.

So how many times did she text him?

Joshy

Over 500 text.