blueskies30

My husband and I just celebrated our 9th anniveersary. I drove to the state hes working in to be with him. This was the first tiem i have ever driven so far. it was a great visit except that he had just gotten laid off the morning I was driving out. It was fine for me when I was with him because i belived he would go back to work soon. Now that I'm back at home and hes still unemployed over 800 miles away...I'm having major anxiety. I told him he should come home, but he thinks he will get to go back to work soon. He works union so there is a number system unless he can get there before other ahead of him to take a job.

"I know this post could go under other topics, but since there is infedilty, I thought to put it here"

My husband has not taken me serious on my intuition that he should come home. My anxeity has gotten so high that I became a *****. So hes done the silent treatment and won't talk to me at all, which makes me even worse with all I have to deal with.

I miss him so much that it doesn't seem right that hes there away from me wihtout a job and our son is having surgery next tuesday and the kids are starting school the same day as our sons surgery. So my in laws are going to have to take them to thier first day of school and a couple days after that.

The pain of silent treatment is so bad after infedility, I always think the worst, cause those feelings of hurt come back

that_girl

Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

He is not into the marriage, hunny. HE IS NOT INTO IT.

He gets laid off and doesn't want to come home. What is that telling you?

Are you in IC? Maybe you should.

__________________

blueskies30

He said hes giving it a week before he comes home. Because he might get a job. He paid rent for another week, so I know hes not coming home for a week.

I'm in IC, but I missed my latest appt because I was driving home from seeing him. He had wanted me to stay an extra day with him. He had told his parents that he wanted me to stay with him because he might come home and my car was bigger to pack up his stuff than his.

My husband has a huge pride issue that gets in the way of things that should happen sometimes

somethingelse

My H is a union member too. Is his union hall in the city he is in?

Shaggy

He drives trucks doesn't he? I've heard from numerous places that truck drivers are in huge demand right now - so what's up with him?
I ask because I'm worried you are being played. He's been hard to reconcile with, he's been hard to have sex with, etc. He seems to come with a never ending line of excuses.

blueskies30

Hes traveling right now so the union hall is not in his own city. I just got off the phone with him. He informed me that he talked to his union agent today from his own hall. My husband said he asked if there was work available in our own states 2 sister union halls. His agent said no because 54% of those members are laid off, so they will get thier own members back to work first.

Both me and my husband just had a very very bad day today. My anxeity has been thorugh the roof and has not been helped by my husband mom because she has been saying all these bad things about my husband.

One of the other really big reasons my husband is trying to get us moved out of our own state is because his parents do not beleive in either one of us. All our kids have autism and his parents do not want to accept it.

somethingelse

Oh, so he is on travel card then?

When did he have an affair? you said that there is infidelity involved.

blueskies30

No he doesn't drive trucks, he in a union, but not truck driveing. Its industrial build type work.

I worry that I am being played too, beieve me. Thats why sometimes I just jump to thinking the worst.

He just is trying to do the right thing, but we keep getting obstacle in our way. He can do no right by his parents so he is determined to not make anymore financial mistakes.

We did have a great time celebrating our anniversary. I drove out to where he is and then my husband had planned a short trip in another state to show me a state that i have never been in. He had a nice resort style hotel. We had an activity planned each day we were there and spend all day at each one. His love language is defiantly touch, when we are together he is contantly touching me, hugging me, holding me, holding my hand. He sings songs and changes the words to flatter me. He iniates sex when we are together. He does have an anxeity disorder which effects sex though. He does not do phone sex or cyber sex, which sucks for me.

blueskies30

Yes he has a travel card. he had the affair during a time tht we were seperated, he had ended it before starting reconsile with me, but she kept contacting and started contacting me. he had not told me about her, so he had the trickle truth going for a long long time.

We were seperated because I had an affair though, so I have always felt things were my fault.

Today i was an irrational hot mess. We finally talked to eachother on th ephone tonight and he said he could not believe some of the things I texted him. hes been having an anxeity attack and so have I.

I said some pretty bad things to him like " I should not have driven out to see him because I'm worried about money and I got severly lost driving back, where I had a severe anxeity attack while driving in Wolf Creek Pass. I lost control of my hands and arms and luckily had a pull over spot to pull over, wher there was a cliff on other side. I'm afraid of heights!! So I have been on high anxeity ever since I got back 2 days ago. His parents are not helping the anxeity at all for me.

Thank god my husband tonight was able to talk to me and tell me not to listen to his mom and also how his parents dont want to accept that our children have autism and they don't want to accept that he may be on the spectrum as well.

I know this has gotten a little off subject of infedility, but that thought that he could almost never leaves my mind either. Its very hard with him not at home. He said hes coming home next week if he doesn't get work by friday. Unforunatly our state took away a program where he can go to school and get extra money per week from unemployment, so that really sucks

somethingelse

It's the guilt from your infidelity that has taken away your ability to be able to have firm ground.

I understand this because I have been in your shoes. Except my H cheated first (a few times)..then instead of leaving I cheated on him, then after that all went downhill...he started cheating again up until a month ago (only what he has told me) This has all happened over 6 years time...like a slow death

When did you both separate?

blueskies30

Oh wow, I'm sorry for what you went through. We seperated in August last year, so its coming up on the exact year.

Logically thinking, I don't think my husband would cheat again. His brother is cheating on his wife and divorcing his wife for the OW...my husband is sick over what his brother is doing to our sister in law.

Your right that it is my guilt. I told my husband today that its my fault we lost the house because of my affair. He didn't want to hear of my guilt. He said its all my parents fault. My parents had tried for years to get me to see my husband was bad and that there wer more fish in the sea for me. Also that my kids didn't have autism, they just needed a new father.

Thats just part of the things that happened....but I still feel guilt and my husband does not like me to talk about why I feel guilty

somethingelse

I think your H is rugsweeping...to ignore your A and forget about it. Which isn't good for either or you. You need to deal with it in a healthy way by talking and expressing yourselves or you both will be left with a blackhole type feeling (like something was never dealt with). and he is also blame shifting on your behalf, which makes it easier for you to deal with the guilt.....but was that why you had your A?

Maybe he doesn't want to talk about your A because he feels guilty over his? He probably doesn't want to get into details about his own A with that girl either. He doesn't want you to own up, so that he doesn't have to.. but your relationship will stay dishonest until all of these things are shed into light.