We have been dating for a few years (I am 39, she is 38) and just celebrated our second wedding anniversary.
Our daughter just turned 6 months old.
Within the first year of our marrige, I caught her sexing on the computer, and logged it to find out what was happening. It looked like it had been going on 5 months or so.
I confronted, we went to councling, and she swore the sexting had never became physical.
I recently caught her sexting again with the same guy, so I sent away for a buccal swab test and the results came back excluding me 100% as being the biological father.
I have every emotion running through me that you would expect.
STOP being a father! Don't tuck the child in bed, don't read her a book, don't feed her, don't do ANYTHING!
The reason for this, while it may sound cruel, and be extremely hard to do, the reason for this is because:
If you decide you can't father this child that is not yours, you don't get saddled for child support. If you continue to act like a father to the child after learning that you are not the biological father, courts will say you took on the responsibilities of a father, and you will get hooked for child support.
If you decide you do want to still support this child, you can still take it back by acting like a father, but I won't lie, I don't see it working.
As for your wife:
She has cheated twice it looks like. And is doing what is called trickle truthing you, where she tells you the details little by little, to try and avoid all the consequences she should face.
Here is some advice on how to deal with a 2 time cheater. Mine cheated at her bachelorette party, then carried on a 4-5 month affair, behind my back. I earned a good living, looked good, and loved talking to her. Her affair knocked the wind out of me.
I am cutting my losses.
I don't know what your girl is like, but I honestly would tell you, get out! Divorce NOW! Divorce YESTERDAY!!! Everyday you stay married to her, you owe her another dime of alimony.
She cheated once. Then get pregnant, and cuckolded you.
Then you caught her.
So she said she was sorry, then cheated again.
You want to stay married to a wife like that?
This is a similar situation to another poster as we speak. Most will tell you to run out and away for the hills. For whatever decision you decide to choose, for R your wife needs to understand the gravity of this infidelity. Such blatant despicable lying thinking a child is yours and raising it as your own, sure enough the child is innocent but if you decide to leave that child will suffer for her mothers mistake, not yours. Reconciliation is so difficult with a WS who is unwilling to recognize the horror of cheating and how it permanently affects a marriage and much less one who has a child with OM and leads you to raise it. You are the provider and i am sure this OM is a loser, and if you leave your wife she will be miserable and he will leave her.
Pull the 180 on her, unless your set to leave her and do not wish to waste your time trying to get her away from her addiction then D Posted via Mobile Device
I posted something similiar today. Take a look at my thread. I will say this, that my wife did not appear to cheat on my until 10 years married. It hurts so bad now because we built a life together. YOu are still early in your marriage so it would be better to break for it now. However, like you, I grew attached to my 1.5 year old when I did the test to learn he wasnt mine. its like a sick joke, here is your child!! Oh, sorry, you dont have one.
It makes me mad that this happens, but there isnt anything we can do about it, and it is times like this that define us as a person. If you love her, and she is willing to work through it, get help, and you are willing to raise another mans child, I say go for it.
But you will forever have these feelings so be ready for a lifetime of pain.
You'll need to get a very, very competent lawyer to get you out of being legally and financially responsible for the baby.
Kick her out now.
The longer you delay, the harder it is for you to escape legal and financial responsibility. You wont be able to refute why you delayed in correcting the situation (for eg, getting your name off the baby's birth certificate, etc)
Talk to that lawyer now. Otherwise you'll be stuck paying to raise another man's child for the next 18 to 23 years. That's more expensive in more ways than a good lawyer now.
It makes me mad that this happens, but there isnt anything we can do about it, and it is times like this that define us as a person. If you love her, and she is willing to work through it, get help, and you are willing to raise another mans child, I say go for it.
But you will forever have these feelings so be ready for a lifetime of pain.
Please dont give up. Sounds like you have. But for the sake of your future mental health, dont give up trying to correct the situation.
I hear what you are saying. I just feel I am in a complicated situation (which I am sure I am not).
My family is so proud of me to have had a child, my parents are glowing grandparents, I almost want to raise the child for my own fear of humiliation infront of my family.
My spouse and I own multiple income properties together, some in both names, some in her name, some in mine. The income properties we supposed to be our retierment plan, and I feel it would destroy all value in them to split them up properly.
I was there when my daugher was born, and even at 6 months I love her, and wouldnt want her to grow up with a single mom. (the OM moved 500km away, and has no job, so I'm sure my wife - who is a professional, wouldnt shack up with him).
Lastly, I run the family business (but do not own it), and as such, my income is very very low - the company provides everything I need.
Also, I just found out this morning, and confronted her over the phone (as she is out of town visiting family - which I know to be true since we have iphones and we face time)
Also, since having the baby, we have never been closer.
After my phone confrontating, she is having a complete breakdown, and begging me not to leave. This pains me so much because I still love her.
You have absolutely nothing to feel ashamed of. You were deceived just as your parents were, the fault lies squarely with your wife.
Regarding your financial situation, I can't advise you on this and I understand your dilemma so this is a decision you'll have to carefully consider. The problem with the child situation however is that either way, she'll grow up in a broken household because of her mother's actions. She will never stop cheating on you. Most women know who helped to conceived their child, I wouldn't be too swayed with the waterworks. She knows what she did.
You need to see an attorney ASAP to find out the laws in your state. In most, if not all states, any child born into a marriage is considered the legal child of the husband. This is an obligation that you cannot get out of without a very good lawyer and another man willing to take over the responsibility for this child.
Have you told your wife yet that you know you are not the biological father of your daughter? If so who has she told you who the father is?
Find out what all your rights are in this situation and decide what you want to do. If you decide that you do not want to parent your daughter then fight to get your name off her birth certificate. I don’t know if you will be able to do this but you can try.
If you want to parent her then fight for as much custody as you can get. Her mother is obviously unfit. It seems that a lot of people will be telling you to dump the kid. But you might already be too attached to do this. I have an adopted son. I know that blood is the least of things needed to be a good parent and have a strong attachment to a child. You would not be less of a man if you decided that you love this little girl and want to be her daddy.
Also realize that you might end up legally responsible for this little girl until she is 18 due to you being married to her mom.
86Likes
She cheated and got pregnant 
