Does she go on Girls Night Out at all with her friends?
Yes, sometimes. But that will end...she has agreed to never drink again...just with me and only me. I will definitely hold her to it if we ultimately reconcile past this.
Actually, something just struck me. It probably was a moment of drunken stupidity.
Anyone could have found them, either of their spouses or your children. So perhaps not planned, then?
Probably was just drunken stupidty. But who, when drunk, so easily loses control of their inhibitions, seeing where they were and who else was present.
There must have been something there ready to be unleashed when the wall of inhibition came down. An EA perhaps.
Hello, new member to this forum. So I've been with my wife for 12 years, we have a 6-yr old daughter and I would say overall, we've had a strong marriage. Last night we had a small party at the house. Three other couples came over, one of which included my wife's best friend. Needless to say drinks were flowing, and we were playing an adult board game. My wife's best friend's husband wasn't playing and he seemed to be drinking more heavily than the rest of us. My wife was drinking pretty heavily too. Throughout the night, my wife and her friend's husband would leave the room together, often to check on our kids (who were playing in my daughter's room). My wife's best friend would comment about it in a playful manner, and I didn't think much of it (my wife has NEVER given me a reason not to trust her). Well I guess that was naive of me, for I eventually walked by my hallway bathroom (in which the door was closed), and realized I hadn't seen my wife and this guy in a while. I knocked on the bathroom door, and the guy said he was in there. I double checked to see if I could find my wife anywhere, but couldn't. Eventually, I opened the door (which was left unlocked), and there was my wife and this guy making out, his pants off with d#ck in my wife's hand, and my wife's pants pulled to below her buttocks. I broke it up, told all our guests to leave, and my wife passed out after I yelled at her for a few minutes.
So now I obviously have this image in my head of my wife with another guy. I have no doubt that if I had walked in there 5-10 minutes later, I would have seen either oral sex or penetration going on. I am utterly distraught now...I can't sleep, eat or do anything. My wife has spent the day apologizing profusely to me, blaming the alcohol, and begging me not to go the divorce route. I don't want to divorce my wife, and I know this is just a day old, but I don't know how I could be with someone who did this to me, in our home, while I'm here. Not only is the cheating part wrong, but I feel so disrespected and so embarrassed by this. My wife promises that she is happy with me, and I did nothing to drive her towards cheating. She blames the event completely on alcohol. While alcohol is no excuse, I have to admit it was a factor. My wife has promised never to drink again.
So, based on this, what would you all do? Try to work it out, or consider divorce. Like I said, I don't want to divorce her, but how can I stay with someone who does that to me, and has no respect for what we've built together over the last 12 years. If I stay with her, I have to get the image of her and this guy out of my head. How do I do that?
i dont think alcohol brings out what isnt already inside.
Probably was just drunken stupidty. But who, when drunk, so easily loses control of their inhibitions, seeing where they were and who else was present.
There must have been something there ready to be unleashed when the wall of inhibition came down. An EA perhaps.
What could have been the signs of an EA? Before last night, my wife never spoke about the OM. I asked the OM's wife, and she says she never saw any signs her husband was interested in my wife.
Complexity, can you expand upon what you mean by lack of marital boundaries. Thanks...
Canadian Guy, not sure what "OM" is, but I assume you mean the wife of the guy. She is distraught as well. She and her kids are staying at a friend's house now. Her and I have been texting each other throughout the day. My wife had only gone to their house without me once, and that was 2 weeks ago when I was away for work. According to the OM's wife, there was flirting going on, but there was also a lot of alcohol drunk that night as well. The OM actually called my wife this morning to apologize while I was gone. I did check my wife's phone and noticed the phone number had not been set up as one of her contacts and the conversation lasted less than a minute. So my gut was there was some playful flirting between them, and I think this was the first time it got physical. If you think it could be otherwise, please let me know.
I am not so sure nothing happened at this 1st party 2 weeks ago. You need to ask your wife about that night -- though my guess she is going to lie about it. My guess is that something happened that night -- and they got away with it as no one went to find them -- so they just continued again -- not expecting you to walk in.
Just seems strange that they would have progressed this far with both their pants being down -- if this was the first time.
Also, how do you know that the other man apologized to your wife. Did you hear the apology -- cause if she told you -- my guess that is a lie as well.
I would dig a little deeper to see if there was something going on longer. Being drunk is absolutely no excuse -- and you had absolutely nothing to do with her cheating.
Also, cut off all contact with these friends -- because he is not anyone's friend if he would do this in your home.
I used the word cheating because she did cheat on you -- don't think she didn't. If you hadn't walked in on her -- they would have completed the deed and it would have continued. I am still not sure it won't continue -- only you will know by watching and observing.
It pains me to read these stories -- and I wonder WTF are people thinking when they hurt others without even thinking about you or your daughter.
You trust in your wife was at 100% -- and now it is at 0%. If she is truly remorseful -- she will have to earn that trust back from you.
I am not saying to do anything rash -- just investigate further -- look at her phone, her computer, her fb page, etc -- anyway in which the two of them could have been communicating. BTW -- look for a 2nd phone she may have.
I don't want to alarm you -- but something about this one time in your home with you, his wife and the kids around just doesn't add up to me.
You may be able to forgive – but you will never be able to forget.
Good luck -- keep posting here -- you have found a great site for support -- no matter what happens.
What could have been the signs of an EA? Before last night, my wife never spoke about the OM. I asked the OM's wife, and she says she never saw any signs her husband was interested in my wife.
How long have they known each other and how did they meet?
How long have they known each other and how did they meet?
Well we're a military family, living in a military community. We've actually been here about a 1 1/2 years, and my wife was friends with the OM's wife for about a year. Our daughters were in Kindergarten together. I say they're best friends, but I mean it contextually with how long we've been here. The OM and I were mere acquaintances. The wives mostly hung out at the playground with the kids. Only within the last couple of months did we start hanging out at each other's houses. Only one time did my wife go there without me (I was away for work), but the OM's wife was there. Also, my wife and the OM's wife are stay at home moms, and both the OM and I are at work on base every day. I really don't see time where my wife could have hung out exclusively with the OM on any type of regular basis to develop a relationship. I know I sound like I'm in denial about that possibility, but those are really the facts.
The OM actually called my wife this morning to apologize
.. that or to conoct stories. Cheaters lie. Always. If they were making out at your house, right under your noses.. why do you believe they are not involved for a while? Yes, at their house, at a car, stealing 15 min here and there, for quickies.
Check the phone bill, keylog the PC before the clening up starts.
Demand total NC for now on and full transparence.
Sorry they destroyed the friendship of the two families.
Well we're a military family, living in a military community. We've actually been here about a 1 1/2 years, and my wife was friends with the OM's wife for about a year. Our daughters were in Kindergarten together. I say they're best friends, but I mean it contextually with how long we've been here. The OM and I were mere acquaintances. The wives mostly hung out at the playground with the kids. Only within the last couple of months did we start hanging out at each other's houses. Only one time did my wife go there without me (I was away for work), but the OM's wife was there. Also, my wife and the OM's wife are stay at home moms, and both the OM and I are at work on base every day. I really don't see time where my wife could have hung out exclusively with the OM on any type of regular basis to develop a relationship. I know I sound like I'm in denial about that possibility, but those are really the facts.
FeelingBad -- thanks for serving our country.
Not to make you feel any worse than you do from your response and this situation, but the only thing you know with 100% certainty now about your wife and OM is what you wrote and saw -- "there was my wife and this guy making out, his pants off with d#ck in my wife's hand, and my wife's pants pulled to below her buttocks."
You may want to pursue a polygraph test to check out this instance and possibly others. GNO's almost always turn out badly in my experience. Dress up, drink,flirt, drink, dance, drink, parking lot. Same w/BNOs.
Sorry man.
.. that or to conoct stories. Cheaters lie. Always. If they were making out at your house, right under your noses.. why do you believe they are not involved for a while? Yes, at their house, at a car, stealing 15 min here and there, for quickies.
Check the phone bill, keylog the PC before the clening up starts.
Demand total NC for now on and full transparence.
Sorry they destroyed the friendship of the two families.
I will look and pray I don't find anything. My wife sweared this was a one time thing, and told me to check everything of hers...phone, FB, etc. I understand things could have been cleaned and I should have checked last night after she passed out, but I was in such shock. But even if she has cleaned everything out, if she and the OM had a relationship before, I imagine they will covertly continue to try, and I'll keep an sharp eye out for it, as will the OM's wife after I speak with her about it. Thanks...
Well we're a military family, living in a military community.
I take it this is the modern lingo for on-base married housing. Uggh.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Feeling_bad
I really don't see time where my wife could have hung out exclusively with the OM on any type of regular basis to develop a relationship.
Nobody ever does see where they find the time. But they day. Commence surveillance operations. Other than that, assume it's a one-off. I agree with you that GNO privileges are permanently revoked.
I don't understand the compulsion for some couples to mix alcohol and 'adult board games'. And being okay with some guy you barely know who's drunk, going off with your wife to other rooms. I guess i'm just the territorial and paranoid type but i just don't get that level of comfort that some men have with other men.
I don't understand the compulsion for some couples to mix alcohol and 'adult board games'. And being okay with some guy you barely know who's drunk, going off with your wife to other rooms. I guess i'm just the territorial and paranoid type but i just don't get that level of comfort that some men have with other men.
It's a level of comfort I HAD with my wife after 12 years and never a reason to mistrust her. Plus, if you knew the layout of my house, you wouldn't think there would be a concern. Obviously I was wrong on all accounts. Lesson learned the hard way.
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Re: Bad night 
