Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
The closest to making him understand the cost of losing me, was when I was 12 hours away staying with my parents..I told him I wasn't coming home.
But you didn't follow through. The thing about teaching people things is that you have to follow through when you say something. Never say something that you aren't willing to do as going back on your word devalues you.
Children are great at manipulating their parents in exactly this way.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
I'm very certain that he would fill the void with other women or a woman to occupy his time.
It sounds to me like you've already made your decision and you're just going through the motions. I could be wrong.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
You're right. I haven't given him any reason to stop cheating...not that he should be anyway...but you're right
Then kick that message into his head and mean it this time. Enlist the help of your friends and family to help you through it. It sounds like he might also be persuasive and you have history. Get them to support you. Make it more than just about you and him...
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
Well..I'm giving him one more time to prove something to me. Which is beyond my limits already. I think I have been very gracious with him. If he thinks he can do better than me, then he will cheat, and he can have whoever he cheats with....because he won't have me to snuggle into at night anymore
Too gracious. I'm just saying that if you're genuinely interested in giving him this last chance that his best chance of success is through clear and concise communication.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCx
But you didn't follow through. The thing about teaching people things is that you have to follow through when you say something. Never say something that you aren't willing to do as going back on your word devalues you.
Children are great at manipulating their parents in exactly this way.
Well..what happened was I told him I wasn't coming home unless he could promise me that he would be 100% faithful to me in all ways. and that if he couldn't promise me that and mean it, then I was not coming back home.
He broke down and told me that he hates what he does, and he doesn't want to do it anymore. Then he promised me he would be faithful from then on. So after humming and hawing, I came back, and ever since have been giving him a hard time and I still tell him he has to keep up on his promise.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCx
It sounds to me like you've already made your decision and you're just going through the motions. I could be wrong.
I am going through the motions now. I can't trust a hair on his head. Because he's done this over and over to me I am just in preparation mode. I have never been this way before. I don't like it, but don't know how to change it now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCx
Then kick that message into his head and mean it this time. Enlist the help of your friends and family to help you through it. It sounds like he might also be persuasive and you have history. Get them to support you. Make it more than just about you and him...
That is the one thing that is hard about living with him. He's very manipulative and persuasive. I've learned over the years to overcome him trying to turn conversations around. So I feel a bit of empowerment from that. He also is probably a bit threatened now that my parents know what has been going on the past few years. He can't hide it as much now.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TCx
Too gracious. I'm just saying that if you're genuinely interested in giving him this last chance that his best chance of success is through clear and concise communication.
I am always expressing my desires to him. What I see if he does not change, what will happen. How everything will change on his end and on mine. How I will not be letting him back into my life if so much as one sign of him cheating.
I am also not letting down his A's anymore. (I used to be upset for maybe a week, then I would just let it go, and move on).. I didn't like the inconvenience of dealing with his A's. I felt that they were not worthy of me worrying over them and I didn't want more problems than he had already caused. Big mistakes on my end.
He hates that I want to know information now. But I still ask questions. He's not used to it. But I don't care.
I'm trying to prevent another failure...even though, ultimately, if he wants to, he will cheat. I'm not his mother, I'm his wife... and if he wants to go there, he will no matter what I think or what consequences are waiting.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
I had the opportunity to cheat on my wife. I went to pick up my kids from my EX's house, and she started talking about how she wanted me back, (my wife and I werent married at the time) and tried to kiss me. I pulled back instantly, and the only thought running throuhg my mind was, how am I going to tell my wife. I hadnt done anything wrong, but I still felt guilty because I placed myself in that position in the first place. Now, my LOVE for my wife was greated than my LUST for my EX wife, and that stopped me from cheating. I dont know how in the world a man can cheat on his wife, and put LUST of another woman over LOVE. Love to me is more important, and makes lust better, for your partner. Also, my wife cheated on me with her EX, so Im confused at what to do right now as well. But, if he cheated on you more than once, get out. One time is still not ok but you can justify a major mess up and get past it. Twice is just not acceptable, more than twice and he definitely does not love you.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by lifeisnotsogood
Let's see...serial cheater=Divorce. You must have extremely low self esteem.
No..I'm quite happy with who I am. I wouldn't change a thing about myself. If you feel like contributing some kinder words about my situation, then I welcome you to it.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by Biscuits
I had the opportunity to cheat on my wife. I went to pick up my kids from my EX's house, and she started talking about how she wanted me back, (my wife and I werent married at the time) and tried to kiss me. I pulled back instantly, and the only thought running throuhg my mind was, how am I going to tell my wife. I hadnt done anything wrong, but I still felt guilty because I placed myself in that position in the first place. Now, my LOVE for my wife was greated than my LUST for my EX wife, and that stopped me from cheating. I dont know how in the world a man can cheat on his wife, and put LUST of another woman over LOVE. Love to me is more important, and makes lust better, for your partner. Also, my wife cheated on me with her EX, so Im confused at what to do right now as well. But, if he cheated on you more than once, get out. One time is still not ok but you can justify a major mess up and get past it. Twice is just not acceptable, more than twice and he definitely does not love you.
He is the cake eater type. He loves me and he wants me for the rest of our lives. But he doesn't understand fully what loving me is supposed to mean. He doesn't know what true dedication is.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
He will never stop, he'll be in his 60s and still be cheating and whoever W he is with at the time.
Staying with him is a waste of time and energy; he is screwed up in the head and believes he is justified in cheating and knows he can get away with it. Forgiving one time is one thing but after the second its establish a pattern that he knows he will always be able to talk his way back. He has very little motivation to change.
It’s a catch-22, they only thing that “might” make him stop cheating is a D but if you R he will just end up cheating again (thinking he still has control over you to keep you from leaving for good). You have to decide if its worth staying with a ticking time bomb waiting for the next A to drop.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
He is the cake eater type. He loves me and he wants me for the rest of our lives. But he doesn't understand fully what loving me is supposed to mean. He doesn't know what true dedication is.
Alpha. I seriously don't believe it is possible for a pure Alpha to be sexually exclusive to one woman. I believe in Free Will, but part of what makes an alpha male alpha is the innate inability to have sexual restraint with women who are coming on to him. Pretty much hardwired.
All the women want an Alpha. Few get one to commit. Only Rose Kennedy types will stay with one; at least in modern times. These are women who accept the pre-1850 view as to what constitutes the natural state of the male (think Biblical marriage).
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
The H in this thread sounds like my deal ol' dad. He's a real badazz Alpha male, and he has always tried to nail everything he can. His marriage to my mother didn't slow him down a bit. I have a half-sis out there somewhere, conceived while my mom was carrying me. She finally had enough of his shyte, and divorced him many years ago.
I don't think you're going to change a guy like this.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by ArmyofJuan
He will never stop, he'll be in his 60s and still be cheating and whoever W he is with at the time.
Staying with him is a waste of time and energy; he is screwed up in the head and believes he is justified in cheating and knows he can get away with it. Forgiving one time is one thing but after the second its establish a pattern that he knows he will always be able to talk his way back. He has very little motivation to change.
It’s a catch-22, they only thing that “might” make him stop cheating is a D but if you R he will just end up cheating again (thinking he still has control over you to keep you from leaving for good). You have to decide if its worth staying with a ticking time bomb waiting for the next A to drop.
I do have a feeling that he is a ticking time bomb. It has taken me a long time to see who he is, and understand who he is. That's why I have stayed so long.
However, we have children, and they love their dad. If we didn't have kids, I would have been gone for sure the last time he was talking to other women (or more likely before this). But since we do, I can justify staying this last time. To give him that. He will know for sure after this, that he forced me to leave if he cheats again.
Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too
Quote:
Originally Posted by somethingelse
That's why I'm asking you all what you think.
It all boils down to what you think!
I cant see anything promising for you guys from
him being a serial cheater.
you are granting him the satisfaction of hurting you time and time again.
I really feel that you should walk away from this man sense he seems to enjoy walking more towards other women
i dont think this was meant as insulting but more like questioning the op for self esteem.
not that i can imgaine she feels to great sense she is married to someone who always gives what he should to her to another.
i know that would kill my self esteem.
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Re: need mostly Male opinions on this one. but Female opinions fully accepted too 
