somethingelse

I'll make this as brief as I can...

H has been a serial cheater for years now...and has now promised to stop cheating and start a-new :roll eyes: not that I trust it yet.

But it seems like every time we go out, he sets off this vibe when other women are around, especially ones that are alone...
I can see him almost puff up...and it seems like he's giving these women his "approval" with eye contact.. and he gets really quiet when he does this.

I watch him every time now, and have noticed that while he does this, the woman he does it to, puts a little smirk on her face, or she takes a second look at him after. Then when I ask him "what was that all about" he gets all uncomfortable, and starts getting really jittery..and asks, "what are you talking about"

I asked him one day if he thinks that will help my trust issues about him, and he just tells me he's not doing anything..and I'm just paranoid.

What do you all think?
Do a lot of men do this?
Is it appropriate that a married man does this?
Or am I just paranoid?

that_girl

Do you really like living like this?

He won't stop.

Don't kid yourself.

Is this what you want your life to be? Doesn't sound like an intimate relationship to me.

__________________

somethingelse

That's why I'm asking you all what you think.

Machiavelli

I eye women all the time, although I try to be discreet. My wife knows I'm doing it, even when I'm wearing shades. I have a particular tell that she has probably known about since we met. This is behavior is natural to the male. You've probably noticed that he only gets reciprocal looks from some, not all, of the women he eyeballs. The difference between me and your husband is that he's actually on the make, based on previous performance. And the women who respond to him are also on the make. The ones who ignore him are either women of integrity, already have a higher value male, or else are not ovulating.

Will_Kane

I'm pretty sure this is the wrong thing to say to the betrayed spouse that you've serially cheated on in the past.

that_girl

I think it's crap behavior because he's a "serial cheater". Why are you still there with him? Then he says you are paranoid? LOL! HE's been a cad!

I think it's crap behavior that he makes you think he'll stop it just by saying he'll stop it.

I think you have every right to be suspicious and think the worse.

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Machiavelli

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not trying to kill you.

Kasler

Hes scoping her out, and making himself known.

Common bachelor tactic for hooking up.

Make eye contact for a few seconds and see the response. If she turns her back shes not interested, if she smiles or does anything positive take the seat next to her/buy her a drink.

You're not paranoid.

All men still check out chicks even when they're in a relationship, but hes sizing up and letting himself be sized up by another chick.

He ain't that slick about it either.

Hes not gonna go over there and chat her up in front of you, but if he ever sees her again and you're not there he'll have the perfect "hey I've seen you before" excuse to start a conversation.

EleGirl

I wonder if you could go out with him and have a friend secretly video him doing this. Then show him.

But, he's a cheater at heart. His self value is tied up in how many women he can attract. He does not value being a dedicated husband. IMHO, it's not worth living like this.

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somethingelse

This is the thing.

I never really cared or even noticed for years. Because I knew guys are just stupid like that (no offence) It's just now that I'm spent with all the past deception..I can't help but get so angry that he won't keep his eyes just on me.

somethingelse

I totally agree

Machiavelli

I understand completely. I don't think he's capable of stopping it. Maybe when he gets in his 50's and they quit looking back, but I doubt it. It's primal.

somethingelse

This is my biggest worry. Lately this happens while we are at a certain store we go to. and there's a few cashiers he is always awkward around too. It bothers me so much that I don't even want to go to the store anymore with him. and I feel like punching these women for allowing him to even think he has a chance...

Machiavelli

I know your H. He's always on with the women, and it ain't just looking. I've got a male client that I consider a pretty good friend, but I wouldn't leave him alone with my wife (who can be somewhat dubious herself) under any circumstances. If my W is around he lights up like a Christmas tree and it was my wife who pointed it out to me, which means he's not hot enough for my W. My best bud in college was the same way (married 4X last I heard and probably a swinger) every chick was either somebody to make a play for or just to make a practice run. He threw away many phone numbers.

somethingelse

I've expressed to him how much it hurts me. He has proven too many times to be a caddy husband.

I'm just getting tired of being treated like the third wheel all the time. I want to feel like I'm the only woman he's attracted to and wants to be around. But so far, he has been failing in that department.

He does tell me how beautiful I am (at least to him), and how much he is attracted to me, but what he says quickly dissipates when he looks at other women. I suddenly feel like I'm with a man I don't know