So we re a year past D day and things are going good . . . but I feel angry that I ve not been able to get any payback on OW.
I know her cell number, her workplace, her home address and have her profile on my FB page (should change careers to P I )
I m struggling with this - do I go for revenge or do I walk away ?
The Karma bus has visited her but yet that s not my doing. She s ill (cancer) but she was ill having the A with my husband . He says as a result of the A she has lost friends and a chunk of her support network but again nothing to do with me . . .
How to get over this hurdle ? Any advice welcome
Did you inform the OW's partner of her activities?
So we re a year past D day and things are going good . . . but I feel angry that I ve not been able to get any payback on OW.
I know her cell number, her workplace, her home address and have her profile on my FB page (should change careers to P I )
I m struggling with this - do I go for revenge or do I walk away ?
The Karma bus has visited her but yet that s not my doing. She s ill (cancer) but she was ill having the A with my husband . He says as a result of the A she has lost friends and a chunk of her support network but again nothing to do with me . . .
How to get over this hurdle ? Any advice welcome
I can totally understand wanting to really hurt the hell out of someone who destroyed everything you worked for but if you really think about it, getting revenge on just one half of the equation doesn't make much sense.
If you're willing to forgive him you may as well forgive his tramp. It's only fair. But I understand, who gives a **** about fair in matters of love!
One day, you'll reach that beautiful place where none of it matters anymore. On that day, you don't want the same regret that they both feel now. That regret sucks and it totally interferes with your moment of zen.
What type of revenge do you want?...A physical altercation?...or do you want to put her on front street.
You can "whoop that trick"...but you'll be seen as the petty one....I would do something more imaginative, something that would cause everyone to look at her in shame....So go for it.
If you don't want the karma bus to run someone like this down, you should be canonized. It isnearing three years since I found out about my H's little skank, and I still wish I could take a bat to her. It wouldn't improve her though. She will always be an entitled piece of sh!t. She was also planning a long relationship with "her man", and he dumped her on her butt without preamble when I found out about her. She is young, tiny and very attractive( also married); totally unprepared to be dumped on her azz by anyone. She acted like Bunny Boiler for about a year and a half. She begged and totally debased herself. That would make anyone with any dignity embarrassed to have to remember, but she is shameless so I doubt that it even bothers her.
But that would be wrong!
I don't, in general, have a problem with revenge (bad me), but I don't advocate violence.
The only person your hate and anger is hurting is you. You have to let it go. She doesn't care. No, I take that back. If she knew, she'd probably love the fact that you were holding on to so much pain. I learned this lesson many years ago with someone else. There is no place in my life for hate, it only tears me up. That's not to say I don't dislike the OW or want to run my truck into her if I were to see her (I drive an Excursion, she a Civic and I would never actually do it, just makes me feel a little better to visualize it) but I don't hate her. He had a choice too and he's the one that I should really be angry with.
I did this was completely obsessed with OW.I think by the time I nipped my addiction I knew more about her than my exH ever did.I never used the information I had.I kept it filed away until I was ready to let go of OW and the destruction she caused.
you WILL get to the point where you'll stop letting OW park her dumba$$ in your brain.You'll push her out by filling yourself with better,more worthwhile thoughts and emotions.
I have trouble with these thoughts as well. It is about owning the final outcome, the last word, wanting to take something back.
My thoughts always revolved around beating him with my own bare hands. The only thing that has kept me from acting out is it would cause my kids pain when I went to jail.
Thank God for my IC when this first happened my anger was over the top. Now I just want to put this behind me but I will bet that it comes up again in the future
BS, the only person to blame in all of this is your spouse. Don't waste time on the OM/OW
For men unless your wife was drugged or tied up, they put a weapon to her head and made her cheat then the only person you have to be angry with is your wife. Wanna kill the OM, your wife spread her legs willingly, how many men would be able to say, no thanks. Not his fault, let it go and move on.
For women, unless the OW drugged your husband, tied him up, gave him Viagra to get him up and ready then raped him. Not the OW's fault.
It's easier to project your anger at the OW/OM because it makes it possible for you to look at your wife/husband as the victim in this so that you can justify getting back with them. That's right, you're projecting your anger at the AP and making your spouse out to be the victim in all of this.
The only victim here is you, the only bad person in all of this is your spouse. If you hold on to that anger long enough you'll start to realize who you're really mad at. And eventually you'll project all that anger back at your spouse.
Let the anger go and start to heal or hold on to it for as long as you can and slowly kill your attempt to save your marriage.
no revenge nessary.... CANCER. sounds like the karma bus ran her over.
just move on and quit wasting more of your energy on thinking about this.
the karma bus runs over everyone in due time. I have learned this as well. Since time seems to move faster as you get older you start seeing results instantaneously. I've had a number of people do me very very wrong and within the next year I saw them lose houses, jobs, spouses, go to jail... it was AWESOME.
I'm very fresh into this (last week was my D-Day and beginning of separation) and the thoughts of revenge started today but for me, they're directed towards my spouse. I'm not going to do it but thinking about it has been therapeutic in the moment. If I was a super vindictive person and didn't care about the consequences to myself or others, one thing I'd like to do is re-write his dating profile truthfully as I see him right now (but as if he was saying it). I typed it out already (only in Word) in a personal-ad style format and then deleted it all (didn't save the document) and I am feeling much, much better.
I realize actually posting it would make me look like a crazy person and also make him look justified. Also, I would feel guilty because I have a conscience. Although at this point, I wouldn't care that it hurt him because I'm hurting, doing it would hurt me because I hold myself to a higher standard.
Although today I didn't practice what I'm about to preach, I think it's probably healthier, not even to let yourself think about revenge and diverting your attention when your mind goes to that dark place. I'm not sure if it's true but I'm sure the more times you think about it in your head, the more likely you are to do it in real life because maybe you get desensitized to the idea.
While I let myself slip and pretend today out of anger, I'm not going to let it become a habit just for that reason alone. I hope to eventually let go of this anger, not let it grow and multiply inside me. I can't stand bitter people and am really going to try my best not to become one. That's when he wins and I and our children lose.
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Re: Revenge ??? 
was completely obsessed with OW.I think by the time I nipped my addiction I knew more about her than my exH ever did.I never used the information I had.I kept it filed away until I was ready to let go of OW and the destruction she caused.
