I have been married for 12 years, with my husband for 14. I am 32 and he is 35. We have 2 beautiful daughters.
I could write a lot of excuses for what I have done but I won't. I am in a class at the local community college. We had a few group exercises and projects and I met a man.
First we talked after class, then exchanged numbers and started texting innocently. Then we began flirting and sharing things about our past and relationships. Now, I realize that was the wrong thing to do.
I can't stop thinking about this man. He is handsome and funny and sensitive. We've never even hugged or held hands but have shared our feelings for one another.
I love my husband and logically, I know a relationship won't work with this other guy, but I cannot stop THINKING about him. I want this guy out of my head so badly but every time he texts or calls I rush to the phone. Please help!
Some people on here will probably be able to give you the names of some good books to read I believe one is "Not Just Friends."
You were a baby when you got married. Stop talking to this man, go to a new class (even if it means you have to drop out for this semester or whatever), find what you like in this man and find that in your Husband, because at some point those thoughts you feel for this man you had for him.
Its all about personal values. It'll be hard, but if you value your marriage more than this man, then its time to tell the OM goodbye before you do share a hug, etc...
Stop all contact with the OM. Block his number so you don't receive texts, block his email so you don't receive email. If he is a friend on facebook, block him there.
Refocus all your energy into your marriage. Text your husband when you feel like texting the OM. Talk to your husband when you want to talk to the OM. Flirt with your husband.
Of course, it won't work unless you don't contact the OM at all.
You have to quit school (or at least that class). You KNOW this to be true. You must end all contact. If you don't, it's only a matter of time before it turns physical.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
I have been married for 12 years, with my husband for 14. I am 32 and he is 35. We have 2 beautiful daughters.
I could write a lot of excuses for what I have done but I won't. I am in a class at the local community college. We had a few group exercises and projects and I met a man.
First we talked after class, then exchanged numbers and started texting innocently. Then we began flirting and sharing things about our past and relationships. Now, I realize that was the wrong thing to do.
I can't stop thinking about this man. He is handsome and funny and sensitive. We've never even hugged or held hands but have shared our feelings for one another.
I love my husband and logically, I know a relationship won't work with this other guy, but I cannot stop THINKING about him. I want this guy out of my head so badly but every time he texts or calls I rush to the phone. Please help!
You need to send the man a No Contact letter.
it should read something like. "I am sorry but our relationship is becoming detrimental to my marriage. I made a mistake in letting this get so far without stopping. In order to protect the marriage this will be the last communication between us. Please do not talk to me anymore and if you persist I will have to cancel my class and waste a lot of money. Good Bye.
Then that is it.
Then you need to tell your husband what is going on and show him the text messages. The worst thing you can do is just tell him and not bring everything to the table. Trickle truth will just drag out the process. If he tries to rug sweep this, tell him to get on TAM.
Be prepared for a lot of emotion and be fully transparent.
__________________ evidence gathering thread the lie and the truth
There is nothing noble in being superior to your Fellow man. True nobility is being superior to your former self.
--Ernest Hemingway--
You need to talk to your husband about what you need from him. Don't expect him to intuit your needs. Even suggest MC if he will go. DO NOT continue talking to this guy. We all know where this path leads- to the destruction of your family.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
You have been given some sound advice here. Being married for a long time is when you have to create and find the way to keep your marriage going strong. You are in a fog because this affair with OM is brand new. Remember when you met you husband -- bet you had that same feeling
If you want your husbands attention -- tell him about you and the OM. (JK) Bet he will change his ways.
Also, please realize that the OM is saying all those things because he is on a fishing expedition and looking for a piece of a$$. He has hooked you and you are buying into his BS.
Please work on your marriage before you do something you can't take back -- and you will be in a PA -- and divorced with 2 kids. My thinking is that OM will be long gone before that because he is not looking for someone's exw with 2 kids.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
Then, you need to tell your husband how you feel. Communicate your thoughts and feelings to your husband. If talking and flirting with your husband is like pulling teeth, why did you marry him, if you don't mind me asking?
The bottom line is that you can not keep talking to this guy. You are on a slippery slope already. Just a small push can lead it to a PA.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
These are the excuses most cheaters use to justify their behavior. Read a little further on this site and you will see.
A lot of this can be resolved with communication. You need to comminicate effectively your needs to your husband. If one method doesn't work, try another but try your best to be clear. I'm no fan of divorce but if you can't get him to respond and you can't handle how you are treated, then leave. But having an affair is the weak and cowardly way to handle things.
BTW, does your Mr. Dreamboat know that you are married with kids? A real man wouldn't do this with a married woman, let alone one with kids. Think about that.
Sorry to sound harsh but you seem nice and I think just need a wakeup call. This site is here to help.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
AnnieAsh,
It is time for you to FINALLY grow up. You are in your 30's, you have 2 children and you are married. High school is over and there ain't no going back. Drop your EA partner ASAP; confess to your husband your activities and accept your responsibilities in life.
This guy actually talks to me and seems to enjoy it! Talking or flirting with my husband is like pulling teeth. He comes home from work and does his own thing, spends a little bit of time with our kids and that's it.
I forgot what it is like to have someone tell me I am funny and beautiful and smart. My husband is a good provider but he can be so cold sometimes
Because H is not actively working to get into your pants. Bet he would say something similar about you. You both got settled into married life.
Get your H into MC immediately. and tell your H about this friend immediately.Remember your kids
First thing, just to let you know, you may want to prepare yourself for some "less than friendly" responses, because the vast majority of people who post here are in your husband's shoes (the Loyal Spouse) and very few are the one who was Disloyal. As you might imagine, the replies can be a little harsh due to the hurt they suffered. If someone is harsh to you, take it with a grain of salt and keep this in mind--but if someone gets disrespectful or calls you names, you do not need to put up with that. Please just report that person using the little button (it looks like a triangle and an !) and let the moderators take care of it. Okay?
Second, I've been in your shoes. I know what it's like to crave, and I mean literally CRAVE, your husband's attention as if he enjoys you. I also know what it's like to be shocked-stunned-amazed when someone else finds you interesting and fun! But I speak to you now with your best interests in mind. This just CAN NOT go well, nor will it fix the problem. You will end up destroying the one man you promised to love faithfully, and who promised the same to you. You will end up destroying your children who won't be able to be with their mommy and daddy every night to say goodnight. You will destroy your OM's family. You will also destroy your parents and siblings (as they lose half the time with their grandchild or niece/nephew) and your husband's parents and siblings. You will also destroy your own reputation and the reputation of the OM.
The problem is that you crave your husband's positive attention. You want him to see you enter the room and smile. You want him to WANT to talk to you and enjoy you and desire you. Right? You don't solve that by looking elsewhere. That just adds MORE trouble and makes things WORSE!!
Want to really fix it? You are going to have to gather your courage, find a babysitter, and take your husband out somewhere somewhat private (like on a drive), and tell him that recently you've been tempted...SORELY tempted...by someone else. Tell him about the guy in the class and that you will be dropping out of that class to protect your marriage and not hurt him--but that now it has made you aware of how much you have lost in your marriage. Tell him you want to get that blaze of passion back, and that you realize you have BOTH started to neglect some things that add fuel to the fire...and you BOTH have done things that put the fire out! Then let him know that you are willing to work on your side and doing the things that turn him on and relighting that fire, and ask if he is willing to work on his side of doing things to turn you on and relighting your fire...to build a strong fence around your marriage.
Regarding the class and the OM--I'm sorry but the cost of allowing yourself to slip a little into an emotional affair is that you are going to have to drop out of that class today. Right now. No I mean it--right now!! Then you are going to have to go No Contact with the Other Man and never, Ever, EVER speak to him or see him again. There are two things I'd recommend that you click on and read right away: The Purpose of No Contact and Sample No Contact Letters. After you have read them, contact school to drop out, then sit down and write your No Contact Letter tonight and give it to your husband so he can mail it with a little "note" from him.
And yep, you give your husband the OM's address. Do not keep one little tiny thing secret from your husband. NOTHING! Because a marriage means two people who are willing to show themselves intimately to each other. Your husband is the one man on the earth who has the right to know all about you--your thoughts and your feelings and your fears and everything--because he has promised to spend his lifetime loving you. I know it's scary but the more open you are and let him see everything, the better it will be.
Now, AnnieAsh, you can do this. You know, somewhere in your heart of hearts, that you are not the kind of woman to cheat. DO NOT destroy your family--do the right thing while you still can. ANY help I can offer, I offer.
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