Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Rocky Mountains
Re: Just found out husband cheated 25 years ago!
Beachlover, wow, I am so sorry for your pain. Whether it happened last week or 25 years ago, when you spouse admits they had an affair, it is some of the most difficult news to someone can ever hear.
This is why I always think that an unfaithful spouse should always tell the spouse what they did-even if they never intend to continue the affair/or have another affair again. You simply never know when someone will say something at some point in the future. The truth has an odd way of coming out. But, that is neither here nor there at this point.
Beachlover, do you believe your husband? If you do, then you will have to go from there and work to rebuild your trust.
FWIW, when you described what your husband told you about his brief A, it is SO SIMILAR to what my husband did last year. My husband confessed within a few months, so that part is different. But the circumstances...an out of town trip, alcohol, the two of them were alone, it happened once...this is very similar.
I made the decision to forgive my husband and recover my marriage.
Beachlover, you mentioned that you would have felt better if it was a drunken ONS-well, from what you have posted here, that is kind of what it sounds like. Maybe they were friends and chatted for awhile afterward but it sounds like nothing ever came of it. At least you know this part to be true.
Please don't compare your situation to Elizabeth Edwards. Stay away from that drivel because what happened to her is not similar to what your husband did 25 years ago. Comparing yourself will just make you feel worse, most likely!
Maybe some counseling for you and your husband would help. But, if you truly believe in your heart of hearts that he was faithful ever since that time and you feel like the good times do outweigh this incident then work forward from there. Allow yourself plenty of time to mourn the loss of what you thought you knew and then begin again.
Please don't contact the OW--whatever she tells you will most likely make you feel even worse, IMO.