Originally Posted by Mr Blunt
I know that your husband is twisted but do not know exactly why. My guess would be that one reason that he is doing what he is doing is too try and fill a hole in his own personhood. He also seems to like to tell how he rejects that other woman; like he gets off on her wanting him but he does not need her.
Actually if he would go to counseling then maybe there is some hope. Donít worry about his abilities to fool people; a good counselor will see right through him. You were fooled because you are a decent person that does not think like your husband. I am sorry that a trusting good woman like you had to get burned by your twisted husband. Donít put yourself down as being stupid or anything like that. What you are is a good woman that trusted.
While you are waiting to see if he is going to change or if you can find some way to make your marriage better, get a PLAN! By what you wrote so far it seems that you are not ready to get him out of your life and start a new life. Also you said, ďI depend on my husband for everything.Ē That has got to change! Being in the situation where he has almost all the power and you have very little is absolutely disastrous when you have a twisted husband.
You have a masters degree so you have a very good start. Get a job and do as much self improvement as you can. It may even take a few years but you need to build yourself up in every way. Donít buy into the idea that you are being selfish. With your plan you will become a better mother for your children as you will no longer be in such fear of what your husband may do. In addition you will be a much better you.
With the way things are now your husband may all but destroy you if he does not change for the better. You are in a very disadvantaged state right now financially and emotionally but that can definitely change and it should. You will have to work at your plan and be patient. You will also be suffering if your husband does not change but what do you have to loose by working the plan? Your husband is already making you suffer so you might as well start getting yourself in a much better position.
By you getting stronger in all areas including financial and emotional you will be much better with your husband or without him. So will your children.
Kathy jut remember that you are a good woman that trusted and that you are not the one with a twisted mind.
THANK YOU. Gosh all of what you just said is wonderful, and it feels good to hear the helpful things that I have here. I came across a post while searching for the 180---which I am fully prepared to start doing tomorrow---and I realized that my husband is not remorseful AT ALL.
Even when telling me the details about his various infidelities, he would have a smirk on his face. Other times he would openly laugh. I would say "what' funny, I can't find anything to smile about" and he would blame his laughter on my facial expression or the way I'm looking at him.
He refused to tell me the full story when I asked for it. It took about 2-3 weeks for me to get the 4 page written explanation, and even after the written explanation, he ended up having to tell the whole truth about the actual affair.
I'm realizing that he isn't remorseful, but it's weird because he is the one who chose to tell me about the affair. I would never have known if he didn't divulge that info to me. Now I'm racking my brain trying to figure out why he told me. The timing has never sat right with me. It was 2 weeks after I graduated, 2 days after my son graduated kindergarten, and 4 days before we were heading on a vacation with my mother, sister, and our family.
This forum is SO helpful.