fancyface

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. I felt we had a good marriage. Our first two years of marriage was rough on us we fought a lot mainly about his drinking but our third year he stopped drinking and we became closer than ever before. We decided to wait on children for a while till we were financially stable enough for me to quit working. We did that and now have a 14 month old daughter and WAS planning for a second child. Our marriage and lives were right were we wanted them to be. Until about a month ago. We were out at a restaurant when his phone rang he left the table and never came back. Later I asked him who was on the phone and he would not tell me. He always tells me so I knew something was wrong. After I had put my daughter to bed my husband tells me that he had an affair a little over five years ago. He told me it was a woman that he used to work with. He says he didn't even like her that He never even talked to her unless he had to. He was out of town and him and a few of his co-workers were out drinking he went to his hotel room and her room was right next to his. He said that it only happened the one time and after it was over ( he said about five min.) He felt extremely guilty and went to his own room. He said that he tried to tell me but knew that I would leave him if he did. And back then I most likely would have. I asked him if he wore a condom and he said no it was not a planned thing. I asked him who was on the phone and he said it was the ow. I then asked why he is talking to her and he told me this was the first time he had talked to her in five years and it was because she has a 4.5 year old son and says it is his and she needs money. He has wept a lot and has gotten on his knees telling me how sorry he is. I know he is being sincere I know that my husband loves me. But I have not forgiven him. We had a parternityl test done and he is the father. They have a verbal agreement of how much he is going to be paying her every month. She told him that she does not want my husband in her life but said that if he wanted to his son she would not stop him. However she does want his name on the birth certificate. She says she needs his name on there because she wants my husband to pay for health insurance for her son. I don't want his name on the birth certificate. Does anyone know if we can get cheap health/dental ins. without having to put his name on the birth cert.? (we live in wa) He does not know if he should meet his son or not. He says on one hand he feels like he should be apart of the child's life cause his dad died when he was eight and so he knows how it feels not to have a father in his life. but on the other hand he doesn't want to see the child because he will just remind him of his mistake and betrayal to me. I told him that he should do what ever he feels he should do but I nor my daughter will ever be apart of it. I think I would be able to forgive him for the affair but now we have to have this woman and child in our lives to remind us. I love my husband very very much but everytime I think about the betrayal I cry (thats about every min. of my day). I want to work out our marriage but I don't know how we are going to do that with the other woman in our lives. I am affraid that leaving and living without my husband is going to hurt me more than staying. what should I do?

johnamos

Did I read your post correct about all this in a month timeframe.

1: Support, can be ordered from a court. I would get the insurance ASAP, it sounds like you have made a private arrangment. This is a good thing.

2: His name can legally be put on birth certificate, due to parternity test. Why thank god you were not a victim of this growing fraud.

Yes, it behooves you to make things happy as these type of support orders can be very burdensome.

Best of luck.