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How many thought their WS would be the last person to cheat?

23K views 140 replies 72 participants last post by  RWB 
#1 ·
While there are many WS who clearly indulged in risky behaviors (i.e. close opposite sex friends, going out for drinks after work with coworkers, lunch dates with coworkers, regular BNOs/GNOs, etc), how many more thought that their WS would be the last person in the world to cheat?




***raises hand***
 
#136 ·
I did and didn’t... Early in the marriage I didn’t think she could. She was quite outspoken about it and wouldn’t even watch movies where she either knew the actor had cheated (thus making him a bad person & actor) or movies that had adultery. Then this new job, she knew some were acting at least like they weren’t married and were a bit to close. She’d rag about it to me. She didn’t respect these people at all.

Then the stories stopped. Then she started saying things (excuses) when Clinton got caught. Then she started dropping all her girlfriends and hanging out with those same people telling me how funny they were and what a good time they’d have out at happy hours...... And my suspicions kept growing and growing. I know what it is like to live with years of massive anxiety and frustration because deep down you know your spouse isn’t faithful regardless of her words and your lack of evidence. It took five years before I finally found something concrete....
 
#141 ·
Then she started dropping all her girlfriends and hanging out with those same people telling me how funny they were and what a good time they’d have out at happy hours...... And my suspicions kept growing and growing. I know what it is like to live with years of massive anxiety and frustration because deep down you know your spouse isn’t faithful regardless of her words and your lack of evidence. It took five years before I finally found something concrete....
Racer, I could of wrote this section exactly about my wife. My wife dumped her old non-work friends and became close to 2 work females (both divorced cheaters). She started going to a GNO once a week to watch DVD of "Sex in the City" or Friday after work happy hour. I didn't know that a few male friends were also attending regularly. It took me 6 six years to get the truth.
 
#137 ·
Before I found out about my H's cheat a big celebrity affair had hit the media. A conversation in work (I work with about 24 women) started up because of this celebrity and almost all the women stated no man could be trusted. I disagreed as I'd never thought my husband would. We were solid, very much together and very much in love. I had always had full access to laptop with all emails, FB and blackberry.

I was laughed at by these women because I said 'not all men cheat' I was told 'how naive are you?' and 'offered on a plate all men would take it' still I said NO not all men. I was / am very much in love with my H and they know this, whilst most of them are older than me and seem to be bitter about their spouses i thought they were just a bit out of love.

That evening laughing to myself about the work conversations i picked up my H blackberry (a little test) and scrolled down to the first message from a female rep he worked with from time to time. I read something that made me want to vomit. Just the thought of him flirting with this young woman shocked me as i never had seen him so much as look at another woman....he just wasn't that type.

I threw his phone at him and said 'what the F is that?' he quickly said it was nothing and just a joke. Told me she was a faked tan thing his company bought hardware from...he was laughing it off and making light of it. He could see I was very shocked and upset as i told him I would never have thought this was a way he would conduct himself at work. We rowed about it for a few days, he trying to reassure me it was nothing but a response to an earlier telephone conversation...but to me he was giving her a green light and that he was open to it.

In work within a few days he replied to an email i'd sent to him and he was so horrible and defensive, saying i'd never trusted him and that he'd never in all the years we'd been together cheated. He told me every time he went away with work i was always the same...didn't trust him. I was blown away, where had all this anger come from? At this point i got really worried.

I started to browse through his emails, something i'd always had access to, but never looked at.

I started to see that he was a little bit of a flirt with the lady colleagues, nothing sinister but it still didn't ring true it was his style. I felt like I didn't know him.

To cut a long story short, his anger and defensiveness made me feel instinctively there was something to hide. I asked him directly have you ever kissed with, slept with another woman...he insisted always that he never had. swore on my life, our sons life...but still I doubted him.

Eventually I found what my gut was telling me...he'd had a BJ off a colleague after work...ok it didn't last, it was a one off (as far as i know) but i'd never have known about this if i hadn't seen OW email offering it with no strings attached. I'd never have looked for that mail if I hadn't picked up the blackberry.

He's glad now that his dirty secret is out, but what worries me most is that i know he can lie, lie and lie some more...He would have sworn on anything he wanted to save his a*rse so badlyand if i'd never relied on my instincts about his reaction to that txt message, i'd never have known.

guilt and defensiveness = something to worry about IMO
 
#138 ·
I, unfortunately was naive enough to believe my wife was telling the truth and expressing herself to me truthfully. I stressed honesty and openness as highly important to me even before we were married. She did not honor me then, even before she decided she wanted to marry me. She pushed me into the marriage. Now I don't know why. I should have listened to my instincts. She will never be able to stay faithful to anyone. She will only be faithful if there is no other way and then she will not be happy. She will have to find someone who is the same as her and he will not be faithful since he will have many opportunities to cheat. She will never know what is happening because he will be a better liar and adulterer than she. Too bad she put herself in this position. She will never know true love, only infatuation and lust. There will be no truth in the relationship.
 
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