Life turned upside down
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Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Life turned upside down

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 05-12-2009, 01:48 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Life turned upside down

Im glad I found this forum. It's nice to know there are people in the same situation as I'm in that are caring and compassionate about this issue.

This is probably a typical story but here it is anyway. I'll try my best to keep it simple. Been married 6 years, together for 12 years. Last Dec. my wife dropped the bomb on me. She said she was unhappy, said her love was fading away, said that our marriage might be over, etc. I was absolutely shocked. For the next month I was just a wreck. I could not understand why this was happening. I am not the perfect husband but I know in my heart I treated her with lots of love, respect, understanding. I was loyal to her and was always there for her. We have no money issues, we have a good sex life, we are close to each other's families. Life seemed perfect.

As January rolled along I really could not accept that she was suddenly feeling like this. Our marriage was strained and she was very unhappy. People kept telling me the possibility that she was having an affair. I investigated it further and became suspicious of a co-worker of hers.

On Feb. 9 I got the courage to text the OM. Without being 100% sure I told him I knew there was something going on and to stay away from my wife. Surprisingly he text back confirming the affair and apologized.
That same evening I confronted my wife about what I had found out. She admitted to the EA with the co-worker. About one month later she admitted having sex with him too! I was totally destroyed, devastated. I felt like I was hung upside-down and shaken violently. I felt so stupid and naive about marriage and life. I found out that the affair started in early 2008. She claims to have ended it before I confronted her on Feb.9. At this point I dont know what is real and what is not. My head is just so messed up. I'm still so confused by all this.

My wife says she has stopped seeing him. It hurts me because they are co-workers and they have to work with each other. She told me that they directly work with each other at least 2 hours per day (which I believe is a low estimate).
She tells me how compatible they are, how much they have in common, and that she had a connection with him that she never had with me. She seems to put him on a pedestal, like he can do no wrong. She has recently admitted that she still has feelings for him, that she misses him when she is not at work. Despite all this I am still committed to our marriage. She says she is too. Again my head is so messed up, I dont even know how to proceed with this.

I knew the OM personally. He was a friend of my wife at work. We met socially every now and then, invited him over to our house a few times, even plays with my 3 yr old son! This whole time him and my wife were seeing each other.....right under my nose!!! I have never been so disrespected in my entire life!!! What a slap in the face and a kick in the nuts! What the hell was she thinking bringing him around?! I felt betrayed by two people. I considered him a friend. Looking back at it all...she really hurt me.

I left out a lot of details as this is getting too long. I just need to vent to folks in the same boat. Thanks for listening!
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Old 05-12-2009, 03:01 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Life turned upside down

I am very sorry. I hope you find the support you need. Welcome to the site.
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Old 05-12-2009, 05:38 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Life turned upside down

Wow again so sorry, sounds like a really sticky if not impossible situation.

co workers
indepth knowledge
closeness

She is all likeyhood was having a long term affair with the OM.

Is has stated so much in common, that is a warning sigh if not red light. There now is an effective back door emotionally and sexually from her marriage.

Time to pack up, and leave the love birds alone.

No remorse on her part also, another warning bell.

Sorry but your marriage may indeed be over, or forever damaged at a minimum.
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