Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce?? - Page 7
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - Online Counseling - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree207Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-02-2012, 08:02 AM   #91 (permalink)
Member
 
Malaise's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: In the fort behind the sofa
Posts: 3,711
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingOnNow View Post
What if I CC'd his boss, dept. supervisor, and chief of the hospital? Frankly, I think not addressing him head-on looks more cowardly.
More cowardly than going after a married woman?

Who gives a sh!t what he thinks is cowardly?

The point here is to make him feel some of the pain you have felt. Since he has no morals or conscience that means hit him in the wallet and reputation.

Your'e not playing a game here.
Malaise is online now   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-02-2012, 08:15 AM   #92 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 58
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

There are many other people on this forum who know more than I do and you should listen to them. My point of view is as an R.N. who is married to a physician but I now stay home with my very large family of children. I think the letter is good because it spells out everything that was done by this man, who should not be allowed to care for patients in his present state or be allowed near vulnerable people such as your wife. My husband has had the misfortune to of having two drug addicted doctors in his practice. Everyone paid for the poor character of these men, especially the patients. You are doing many people a much needed favor with this letter. It would be so wrong to let him continue professionally as he is. By the way, my husband had an EA with one of his coworkers and I was the last to know. No one told me. I had to find out accidentally and would have appreciated it if someone had had the guts to let me know.
Shoshannah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 08:47 AM   #93 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: west surburban chicago
Posts: 6,787
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

MovingOn especially the proof you have of illegal drug use you imo you have an obligation to expose this!
tom67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 10:16 AM   #94 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 3,473
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

I think the letter is weak and reeks of unsubstantiated revenge. If you want to send a letter to Dr. POS, send him a letter telling him what you think. If you want to send a letter to inform his employer or the licensing authorities of his unethical and illegal behaviors, send one. I don't believe one letter serves both purposes.

You can tell Dr. POS that he was unethical in preying upon a vulnerable woman who was being treated for depression, and you can say he is scum for breaking up marriages. You can tell him you know he engaged in all kinds of illegal activities. Whatever. Speak your mind. My guess is he won't care because he won't feel any threat, but you might feel better after berating him.

Such a letter would look like sour grapes to his boss or to the licensing authorities. They want specifics. He had a sexual affair with a woman he knew was married and who he knew was being treated for a mental illness. He engaged in an inappropriate sexual and romantic affair with a coworker (who could be considered a subordinate) using hospital facilities and resources (phone, computer, internet network). You know that he did this with at least one other married woman. He uses prescription and/or illegal drugs to party with these married women. Perhaps this rises to a date rape scenario. (I would bring up that specter of rape just to amp up the legal fear). You have proof of such activities.

Learn what the legalities are in your specific location of the evidence you obtained. Is there a legal way you could have obtained it? Definitely learn to say "that is irrelevant to the issue" when asked about how or where you got the info. Recording conversations may or may not be legal depending on your specific laws. Emails and other digital messages contain headers or other embedded tags which can show the path they took, which means you should be careful about providing raw copies.

If you provide text excerpts from emails or maybe some other internet based messaging, the hospital can probably go back through their servers and find the originals. This would be usable in court against him, whereas your copies might not be.

If you want to tell him he is slime on the bottom of a pile of dog poop, don't worry about proving your point. Just vent in a strong way.

If you want to expose his unethical (yes he is unethical and there should be consequences) and illegal activities you will need to unemotionally provide enough proof to get the authorities rolling. Be cautious not to implicate yourself in possible illegally obtained evidence. Cleanse data and don't get dragged into explaining where you got it.
Thor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 10:34 AM   #95 (permalink)
Member
 
Kasler's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Marietta, Georgia
Posts: 1,125
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

^ Yeah all that letter basically is was "You hurt me and I want you to know that you're a bad person and should feel bad"

This kind of letter going to a grown man who does drugs and f*cks wives?

Only thing that letter would get from him is a few laughs.

Medical board revoking his license, he won't be laughing.
Kasler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 10:44 AM   #96 (permalink)
JCD
Member
 
JCD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,387
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

First off, let's not get bogged down something besides the point.

Dr. POS is not going in front of a DA. He is not being charged with drug use. He is not even likely to get his license pulled. This evidence does not need to be legally rock solid.

This is for two reasons. One, any interoffice discipline that occurs to him doesn't NEED that standard of proof. As a corrolarry to this point, this isn't even proving anything by the word of the OP. He is pointing them in a direction to INVESTIGATE THEMSELVES. Then they are responsible for the legalities of their search. (Send the letter to any corporate practice he is tied to as well)

Next, telling this story to a reporter puts the 'case' from the court of legalities to the court of public opinion. A little post script "I shall make my information available to anyone who asks about it if this isn't addressed' will put the fear of scandal into the most soulless corporate drone.

Just another way to look at it.

But you are correct. If you feel this is cowardly, make sure you send him a copy... one week after you send it to everyone else. Though why you should warn him to drop his fun time drug usage is beyond me if we actually WANT him to be caught.
JCD is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 11:46 AM   #97 (permalink)
Member
 
OldWolf57's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: So. Fl.
Posts: 1,009
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Do you want him to pay for what he did, or you just looking to cry on his shoulder.
Basicially that what you are doing. This pos don NOT think or feel as you do. UNDERSTAND that now.
He don't give a damn about how you feel or what you think about him.

What your letter will do is might make him think you will report him. So he may try to clean up his act for a while, and cover his tracks.

Read "The Art of War", by General Sun. Yes, your war is still ongoing. Thats why you want him to know how you feel.
Well what better way than to go after his CORE IDENTITY.
DOCTOR !!!

Go back and read THOR post, Then sit down and plan a really effective FIRST STRIKE !!

Last edited by OldWolf57; 10-02-2012 at 11:50 AM.
OldWolf57 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 11:54 AM   #98 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 12
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

I'm getting a few mixed messages. I am going to make an appointment with a new lawyer this week. I'm going to present the evidence that I have and make sure my ass is covered. If he doesn't see an issue, I'll go full throttle. If I'm opening myself up to more pain, I'll throttle back a bit.
MovingOnNow is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 11:58 AM   #99 (permalink)
JCD
Member
 
JCD's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3,387
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingOnNow View Post
I'm getting a few mixed messages. I am going to make an appointment with a new lawyer this week. I'm going to present the evidence that I have and make sure my ass is covered. If he doesn't see an issue, I'll go full throttle. If I'm opening myself up to more pain, I'll throttle back a bit.
Might I suggest that if it's a LITTLE pain, you're already in deep. If you can spare a patient or some other clueless husband, a little pain would be a noble thing.
JCD is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 12:41 PM   #100 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: west surburban chicago
Posts: 6,787
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Hey if you have legit evidence of illegal drugs/over prescribing of barbituates ect don't you worry the DEA will get involved then just sit back and watch that show
tom67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 02:39 PM   #101 (permalink)
Member
 
Broken at 20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 391
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Yea, illegal drugs can ruin people.

Plus if you can prove he was on illegal substances while giving out medical assistance or operations, can't you cause him to lose his medical license? You might tell the hospital if they won't do anything about out, your next call will be to some government agency that oversees all that to tell them a doctor at a local hospital has been on illegal substances, you have proof, and you question the integrity of the hospital staff.

Then after you clean you out his bank accounts from suing him, what will he have left?
The trippy of memory of having sex with some nurse that he can barely remeber because the drugs took out his memory.

I love karma.
Broken at 20 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 03:10 PM   #102 (permalink)
Member
 
40isthenew20's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 676
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Burn them both. This guy has been banging the whole staff apparently and if you're not going to knock his teeth out, hurt him at his place f employment. I'm sure that the directors wouldn't be happy hearing that two on duty health care workers were screwing in the broom closet.
40isthenew20 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 03:19 PM   #103 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 840
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Quote:
Originally Posted by MovingOnNow View Post
Here's the update guys...

So the divorce was finalized on Sept. 20th and I feel great. Part of me just wants to let it go, but part of my really thinks if I don't say anything I might regret it. I haven't decided who, if anyone, I should CC, but tell me if I'm on the right track:



Dear Dr. X
I am contacting you today not as a jealous man, but rather as a father to a little girl, a little girl that your colleagues at XYZ Medical Center brought into this world. As a medical professional, you see your patients at their most vulnerable and desperate, and they look to you not only for medical treatment but also for emotional support. I have spent many sleepless nights thinking of my daughter’s future. Not only because she is now from a broken home, but because my view of the world is forever changed. I can no longer trust the people she comes in contact with—a burden I will now always carry.
As you know, in March of this year I became aware that you and my [now ex-] wife, YYYY, were having an affair. I was immediately promised by both of you that contact would cease. It did not cease, and instead led to the end of our marriage. I am not writing to preach to you about morality, but rather to address other behaviors unbecoming of a man entrusted with the well-being of wives, mothers, and daughters. Dr. X, I am well aware that what two consenting adults do in the privacy of their home is their own business, no matter how immoral it may be. But your encounters were not limited to your home. Instead the two of you saw it appropriate to engage in sexual relations in the hospital—a display of blatant disrespect for your colleagues, profession, and the patients seeking the very best from you.
As you know and knew at the time of the affair, my wife is being medically treated for depression and shows obvious signs of possible other mental health issues such as insomnia, weight loss, and impulsiveness. And rather than recognizing those obvious signs and caring for YYY as a friend and coworker, I feel you exploited them. You were aware that she was on prescription antidepressants yet drank with her, allowed her to drive under the influence, and most troubling, purchased illicit drugs for her, including ecstasy. You showed absolutely no restraint and no concern for her well-being.
Perhaps the most obvious sign of your lack of regard for the sanctity of marriage is your relationship with a woman I only know as “Steph.” It came to my attention that this is not the first time you targeted a married woman. Despite being confronted by her husband, you went on to sleep with my wife. I do not know if there are others, but based on your lack of self-control, I would not be surprised if there are.
Dr. X, as I stated at the beginning of this letter, I am not jealous of you, nor am I jealous of my wife. The two of you have shown your true colors and will have to carry the heavy burden of shame and guilt for the rest of your lives. The truth is, I cannot, with good conscience, know what I know and not comment on your character. As a father who will one day hold his little girl’s hand in the delivery room, I am not willing to ignore your actions and lack of respect.
Why write a letter to him? Makes no frickin sense. The Asshat could give a damn about your marriage. What makes you think he gives a damn what you have to say in a letter.
crossbar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 03:39 PM   #104 (permalink)
Member
 
happyman64's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: New York
Posts: 5,902
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

MON

You have to hurt him where it hurts.

His reputation and his pocket.

Send it to him and the owners of the hospital.

And especially to the Medical Review Board. They go ape over DR's pulling crap like that.

Good Luck

HM64
happyman64 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 08:06 PM   #105 (permalink)
Member
 
fortheloveofit2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 36
Default Re: Wife (nurse) had an affair (with Dr.). Expose after divorce??

Quote:
Originally Posted by 40isthenew20 View Post
Burn them both. This guy has been banging the whole staff apparently and if you're not going to knock his teeth out, hurt him at his place f employment. I'm sure that the directors wouldn't be happy hearing that two on duty health care workers were screwing in the broom closet.
:iagre e:
fortheloveofit2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Nurse wife trying to have affair with doctor (surgeon) DeanB Coping with Infidelity 39 09-24-2012 10:43 AM
Did Any Of You Expose An Emotional Affair To Friends Or Family? Mario Kempes Coping with Infidelity 19 05-07-2012 07:10 PM
Expose the affair? nj2012 Coping with Infidelity 12 02-27-2012 03:46 PM
Wife had an emotional affair and wants a divorce thetectick Coping with Infidelity 27 02-19-2012 10:13 AM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads





Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:11 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage