fairydust

I've always been a bit of a loner but have really become one since my H's affair with our neighbor and so called friend. My kids have asked me before why I don't join in with other mothers at there sporting events but I have no desire to do so. I'll sit by myself and am completely comfortable in doing so.

I've been screwed by females at work and at home. My one sister has some wonderful female friends that she had for years but my other sister is more like me when it come female relationships. We've had bad experiences with females.

What is it with women??

dcrim

I don't know...you tell me...my xgf dumped me and 3 weeks later married her neighbor! Kind of turns me off women. Hard to find one (that I can believe in).

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It ain't illegal until you're caught!

GAsoccerman

it's just the way you are, you are a loner, my wife has always been a loner, she has zero friends, she is a shy sweet girl, but I know she hates to be around other people and socialize, she much rather read a book then go to a party.

just her personality....at baseball and Soccer she rather sit alone then with team parents

Country Girl

Fairydust,

I completely understand. I have a lot more male friends than female friends. I had always assumed it was due to me growing with two brothers and having a lot of male workers here on the farm. There are a lot of women I just can't relate to. Honestly spending time alone can be wonderful!

After I found out my husband was cheating, I really didn't much feel like getting out either. I think in my mind I was very self conscious

fairydust

I do have two friends at work that I've been friends with for ten + years but there not one's I'd even think to tell about my H A's. There fine to talk about work issues but there's alot I don't tell them personally. The one is more like a mother figure and would have definately given me hell for staying with my H. I think she's still bitter from her own divorce a long time ago.

I guess I'm still hurt that people I trusted would do the things they did. I just don't think I could ever do that to someone else.

Cooper

My ex and I always argued about friendships. She considered anyone she ever said hello too a friend, people I call friends are people that we have time and trust invested in over a period of years. Her type of friend is very casual, they come and go thru out your life, my type of friend is more permenent. Quick example, my friend Scott I have known since kindergarden, we may go a year without talking sometimes. I could call him at any time and say my back hurts and I need help tying my shoes and he would be here in five minutes, and I would do the same for him. To me, that is a friend.

Now that doesn't really answer your question about friends, are women any different then men? My guess is yes, women need an emotional connection more so than men. I am a lot like you, happy and content to be by myself, but I do love my friends. Don't exclude every one from ever being your friend because you have been treated badly by someone in your past, there are some very wonderful people in this world. Open yourself to being friendly, as loners we shut ourselves off so we need to work a little harder at making friends. Move your chair a little closer to those other moms at the kids events, say hello, ask about their kids. You say you are content being by yourself, than why did you make this post? There will always be people that hurt and disappoint you, family and friends alike. But there are those few that you will come to trust without reservation, you may not think so but we need those people in our lives.

Cooper

fairydust

I made the post because my kids noticed how I am and asked about it. They have seen me as a loner but then they also remember the years that I was friends with the neighbor. She was over at our house a lot. They just question why I am the way I am.

Cooper

Kids always notice more than we think. Something my ex always thru at me was my lack of social needs, she claimed I was setting the kids up to be loners like me (like's it's a disease). Both my kids are OK being alone, both also have a group of good friends, I have no worries that they will turn into hermits.

As far as the neighbor woman and you, just tell part of the truth to your kids. I wouldn't tell them of the affair but there is nothing wrong with telling them she has hurt your feelings very deeply and you chose not to be friends with her any longer. If they press you for details tell them it is between you and her and they need to let it go at that.

Cooper

fairydust

Unfortunately Cooper my kids do know. I'm not sure about her's but I did some loud *****ing and I know the kids overheard many things.

They also were told they were no longer allowed in each other's houses.

I know it was wrong of me but I was overwhelmed with emotion. My H denied for an entire year when I knew it happened so when he finally confessed I blew up. That's what happens when your forced to hold things in.