lola_b

Wasn't really sure where to put this, but I think it fits under here.

A little of the back story:

Met my stbxh when we were 19, got married at 23 (May 2009). A month into the marriage I accused him of cheating with a woman he met on facebook. He denied it, made me believe I was crazy (and boy did I feel like it), we separated a few days before our 1 year anniversary. He finally admitted January 2011 (via e-mail...even tho we were living together) that he WAS cheating, and had cheated on me before we were married as well. Needless to say I've been on an emotional roller coaster for quite some time.

I moved out, bought my own place and started casually dating Oct. 2011.

I found out today that my stbxh is now engaged (not to the woman he cheated on me with, which I'm happy about) to another woman he met on fb who he's been dating for less than a year.

Is it wrong for me to feel like the guy never deserves happiness...ever? And now he's engaged...and I can barely get a date...I guess I'm just a little depressed at the fact that someone can treat someone so horribly but end up being happy.

Suppose I'm just frustrated and venting.

Just makes me feel sad all over again.

Any advise/words of encouragement are welcome.

Thanks

underwater2010

Don't worry. His happiness will end when he decides she is not meeting his needs and cheat again. By the way, happiness is in the eye of the beholder.

onemic

Looks like he's rushing into things too quickly but who am I to judge! You might still be going through his affair emotions. Don't let this get to you.
I'm sure you'll find a good guy someday just have patience. You'll find a date I'm sure of it!
His karma will come sooner or later and he'll feel the pain eventually.
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sharkeey

I'd stop focusing on him and his happiness and figure out why you can barely get a date.

In_The_Wind

Just be glad you found out now when someone shows you who they are we need to believe them
The grass is never greener on the otherside

I would be glad that you aren't part of the drama anymore
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mel123

Focus on yourself, family, friends,work and school...If you present a self confident ,happy, positive attitude and feel good about yourself you will get dates..............Do not let your past with him effect your present and future happiness. I know ( easier said than done).

On your question........ "Is it wrong for me to feel like the guy never deserves happiness...ever?".....My answer is yes it wrong for you to feel that way , but that is a natural human response. However he is human and can learn from his mistakes.But if you hold onto the hate and resentment, its going to hurt YOU not him

lola_b

Don't get me wrong, I'm much happier than I have been in years and I'm in a pretty good place in my life right now. It just floors me how someone could find a person like that attractive and trustworthy enough for marriage!?

I guess I should have added a *meaningful date with a quality guy*...just having trouble finding what I want, because I know I won't be settling for just anyone and I'm not one to "fake it" until something better comes along.

TBT

You're only 22 and your life is far from over.You'll be more discerning now in your relationships and eventually you'll meet someone who will bring substantially more to the table in terms of commitment than your ex.Don't be in such a rush as your happiness doesn't depend on whether or not you're in a relationship.Explore what you really want in life...your hopes and dreams...get to really know yourself. The kind of happy your ex brings to a relationship isn't very appealing and from what you've posted also relatively fleeting.Want and expect more for yourself than what he had to offer and you'll do fine.Eventually,with time,his happiness or lack thereof will fade from your thoughts.Take care and I wish you well in your future.

__________________
"Truth is like the sun,you can shut it out for a time,but it ain't going away"-Elvis

Shaggy

You shouldn't refer to her as his fiancé, call her his next victim.

walkonmars

Who says he's happy?
More likely he's LOOKING for happiness & is unlikely to find it on fb. You should pity the fool.

Edit to add:
By fool - I mean her

lola_b

Thanks for the replies took the pooch for a walk and I feel much better now.

I have great family and friends and if it wasn't for them, who knows where I would be right now. I sincerely hope he has changed and doesn't put another person through what he put me through...I don't wish that on anyone. I honestly don't know if he's happy...but I just figured so since he's engaged...or maybe she's preggo...who knows!

I definitely know what I want and don't want out of life and in a potential partner...and I guess I have him to thank for that!

Falene

He will get exactly what he deserves. Be patient and if you are lucky you may get a front row seat.

Take care of yourself. Focus on you. Let the cosmos take care of him.

sharkeey

She doesn't need a front row seat.

There are much better movies to watch.

Kasler

I'm not gonna lie to you and say hes gonna get his just desserts. To believe so would be naive, you can never really know for sure.

Not too many, but some cheaters will get bliss.

So many women cheat on their husbands for the whole marriage, but the husband never finds out and all is well.

Life ain't fair, thats all I can tell ya honestly.

diwali123

There are men on death row who find women to marry them. There is no shortage of stupid desperate people who will cling to the first person who fits their own brand of crazy and dysfunctional. It has nothing to do with being happy, with being sane or being good enough.
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