She Cheated. I hate my life.
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » She Cheated. I hate my life.

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree4240Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-02-2012, 08:54 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
DevastatedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dallas
Posts: 792
Default She Cheated. I hate my life.

Married 12 years. 2 kids.
I have never been unhappy in my marriage we only had 2 real fights in 12 years.

We have a new social circle of friends / parents that do crap together. When the kids go to sleep, the adults drink and have a good time.

It was sort of a weird party scene. I failed to notice my wife growing affection for one of my best friends. After alll when 20 people are drinking and being crazy nobody pays attention.

I went through her phone and saw all these horrible sext messages between the two of them. I tore her a new one, and met him at a bar and threatened to tell his wife if he didn't cut it the **** out. He actually grabbed my hand and cried like a pu$$y and said thank you for not telling his wife, etc. I pretty much forgave him.

I am not stupid. At this point, I loaded the wife's cell w/ software that allows me to take pics, listen to calls, listen to the environment, all sorts of covert ****.

I noticed the texts stopped completely. None at all so I am like cool.

one day I got an odd feeling from out of nowhere and decide to turn the mic on on her cell phone and there plain as day, they were at her office alone having sex. No question.

I saw red. I drove 100 miles an hour to her office (he was gone) and she was like "why are you here?" I proceeded to destroy her office, told her all sorts of horrible things, and called him from her office and said "If you don't call your wife right now, I am taking the recording of you ****ing my wife and posting it on your facebook page"

That was June 11th.

My whole world exploded. I spoke to them both separately and they both claimed they had sex 6 times over a 2 month period. I have no way to know if that is true. Let's assume it is.

I have ups and downs about staying together or divorcing and I still have no idea. With the kids in the mix, I will likely stay but I am not sure how I am going to "un hear" those recordings I heard and imagine the things they were doing and of course feeling like I was totally played.

I am just feeling like **** and venting. This is the worst year of my life. I have had good weeks where things are almost normal again then I go back to How the **** could she.


I tried counseling and anti depressants, She is in counseling and on anti depressants.

She totally wants to work it out and is doing all the right things but I am not sure I can get over it.

I asked if the sex was better. She said not better or worse, just different. They told each other they loved each other and That KILLS me.

she said they flirted a lot and they met for coffee and it was like they were dating. One thing led to another and she "lowered her boundaries too far" No ****....

She is in counseling trying to find out how she was capable of this and how not to let it happen again.

after I busted her, she said she doesn't miss him at all and she thought she had these feelings for him but she feels nothing but disgust about their actions when she thinks of him now.

I told him to move away or I would do more damage.

We live in Texas. He starts a new job in Nov in Wisconsin so they are moving away.

But I have lost most of my friends and am a total insecure mess now....

ugh,thanks for reading all of this.

Worst year ever!
DevastatedDad is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-02-2012, 08:55 AM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
DevastatedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dallas
Posts: 792
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Fun Fact: She is a marriage and Family counselor.
DevastatedDad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 08:58 AM   #3 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 10,102
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

I hope you have finally told the guy's wife. That was your big mistake the first time- not exposing to his wife.

Your wife shouldn't be doing that job at all. I wonder how many marriages she's ruined though her pro-cheater advice.
Shaggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:00 AM   #4 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 10,102
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Have you considered demanding a polygraph - I can't help but wonder if this is her first rodeo. Since she's in contact with a lot of cheaters, it likely influenced her to do it - or possibly she's always been interested in such things and that's why she's a counselor because she's attracted to the thrill?

I hope she is now a 100% open book - all emails phone texts etc - and here whereabouts at all times.
Shaggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:01 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: midwest
Posts: 8,504
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

I guess they weren't real friends then
tom67 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
kenmoore14217's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Bum Phuck NY
Posts: 400
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Sorry my man, this sucks as I'm sure you are aware. I've been here for some time now and it seems the ones who act quickly and decisively are the real winners of the infidelity game. Maybe they know themselves better than we know ourselves. You are in for a world of hurts and depending how you react to all of this will determine your length of pain. Good luck
kenmoore14217 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:03 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
hope4family's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Happiest place on Earth.
Posts: 1,618
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

That's cold. I don't know if I could handle it as well as you did.
hope4family is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 
Plan 9 from OS's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,537
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

This is terrible. The fact that she is a marriage counselor makes it even more insidious IMO because she 1) should know better and 2) would know how to manipulate the situation due to her expertise. Out of curiosity, did you ask her how she would advise a married couple in the exact same situation as the two of you are in? Her advice as a marriage counselor would be quite telling IMO.
Plan 9 from OS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Jonesey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: In La La land
Posts: 995
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DevistatedDad View Post
Fun Fact: She is a marriage and Family counselor.
WTF!!! Seriously this 20+ times,where the wife has this kinda job
WTF
__________________
Bringing you bad Swenglish to TAM since 2011
Jonesey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 641
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Mistake number one was not telling his wife. That is something you can fix though. I am sorry you are going through this right now. It is a horrible club to belong to. Be aware that there will be tons of ups and downs. Remember that she has to do the work for you guys to stay together. And nobody can blame you if you chose to leave. It is always an option. I happened to stay only because of the children. That was after I gave him the choice to leave.
underwater2010 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
Member
 
Exsquid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: East Coast
Posts: 208
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

Man I feel for you. My wife had a 2 year affair. I asked every detail you could imagine and I am struggling. I couldn't imagine how I would feel if I had heard them in the act. This story makes me sick. I am really sorry for you man. I wish I could offer you more advise right now, but this has triggered me something fierce. Just stick around here and let these experienced posters help you out. Coming here has helped me a great deal. I imagine you will find some relief once you post for a while. Good luck! This infidelity **** really sucks. It's going to get a whole lot worse before it gets better. But from what I hear it DOES get better.
__________________
It doesn't matter which side of the fence you get off on sometimes. What matters most is getting off. You cannot make progress without making decisions.
Jim Rohn
Exsquid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:15 AM   #12 (permalink)
Member
 
DevastatedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dallas
Posts: 792
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

If I could go back in time, when I met him at that bar, I would have hit him very hard and told him to never come back.

I couldn't fathom that after I busted them for this behavior that they would up the stakes and do it again but really twist the knife the next time.
DevastatedDad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:20 AM   #13 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Tampa, FL
Posts: 668
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

I know what you need to do.

Divorce her. Actions have consequences. Throw her out. Show your children that we reap what we sow, and that when we wh0re ourselves out, good people view us as filthy. And rightly so.

You said that if it weren't for your kids you would divorce her.

Divorce her for your kids. This is not a one time thing. You caught them in an affair, and gave them a chance to stop.

Instead of stopping they found other avenues.

The two pieces of damning evidence are right here:
1) She got caught, and was given an opportunity to turn back to what was wright.
2) SHE IS A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR.

Don't be an enabler. She has brought shame upon her wonderful family and herself. Make her pay-- it will help her in the long run.

And it will definitely be better for you, because I honestly couldn't give two ****s about her well-being.
Vanguard is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:23 AM   #14 (permalink)
Member
 
DevastatedDad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Dallas
Posts: 792
Default Re: She Cheated. I hate my life.

For the younger folks, one thing you wont get until you have kids is that these little people are two things I would kill myself for without a second thought. I kicked her out of the house for 2 months and as much as I hated her for those two months, watching the affect it had on these two kids was devastating. "Where's mommy" "When is mommy coming home" Their personalities changed and it made me so sick to see them acting different. They would stay with her at her parents and then stay with me and sometimes they didn't want to come home to me they wanted to stay with her.

Enter lonely nights of binge drinking and sobbing (35 year old man btw) on my floor for hours.

There is no amount of hate toward her that is worth taking the kids' mommy from them or causing them any instability. That is my opinion. But I guess people divorce all the time and kids deal / adjust so who knows?

Still, seeing the effect it had on them is why I eventually invited her back to the house. Some nights we are in the same bed, the last few nights, I have been on the couch because I don't want to be near her. But the kids are very normal and happy now. Being a dad, you always (or should) think in sacrifice mode. I would be willing to be in a sub par marriage if it meant my kids would be better off.

Now if she and I were fighting all the time and the kids were seeing it, that would be a different story. But she and I agree to be mom and dad at all times when the kids are around and we talk almost every night. We talk a lot. sometimes they are good talks, sometimes they are not.

Just trying to add a bit of perspective on what my age and kids make me have to do.
Without question, if I had no kids, I would be single now. 100%

I suspect the best possible scenario is I stay for the kids and not getting my check cut in half, and at some point, we re-grow together.

I have no idea... time will tell.
DevastatedDad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2012, 09:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,422
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by DevistatedDad View Post
Fun Fact: She is a marriage and Family counselor.
Woah!

Posted via Mobile Device
wiigirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
What do you hate about your life the most after your divorce? notreadytoquit Life After Divorce 96 02-15-2013 04:03 PM
Need advice. My wife of 12 years cheated on me and now I hate myself. Russells_Teapot Coping with Infidelity 32 11-28-2012 04:45 PM
Right now I hate my life DameEdna The Family & Parenting Forums 3 03-15-2012 02:46 PM
I hate this new life proudwidaddy Going Through Divorce or Separation 27 02-12-2012 04:52 PM
I feel like I hate my life. notaname General Relationship Discussion 17 07-04-2011 12:07 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:41 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage