Roommates and now cheating - Page 2
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Roommates and now cheating

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree166Likes

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-06-2012, 05:59 PM   #16 (permalink)
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,196
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by OldWolf57 View Post
What are your ages ??
To believe in the Sanctity of marriage means to make sure your partner has what they need, mentally, emotionally and physically.

Not beating you up, but pointing out how you was lacking in your duty to her.

Ok, now as for her, she is a straight out disrespecting you, herself, and her vows.
You know what ?? there is so much wrong with this marriage and the two of you hat I am darn near stumped.

Example, she hoards, you ignore it, knowing thats a mental issue
You don't want sex. she fustrated hoard more.
You know at your age you should want sex, bt won't get an exam to see if its low T count. Or you watch porn for your release.

The cheating is bad, but this maybe what you need to finally take a look at your marriage.
Then again, he may want her to move there, and you will only have yourself to work on.

How does your house look, clean or sloppy. What are your routine, hers ??

Ladies and gents, I think there is much more here than what we are being told.

I understand your fear, but is it that if she leaves, you will have to cook, clean, and get your own beer ???

And yes, this is not my usual, but something just jumped out at me, and pushed me in this direction.

I tend to think there is a bigger story too, but this can not be addressed while the affair is in progress.
If there is any hope for this marriage the affair must end.
TAM affair busting still has to apply.

She sounds like a walkaway wife to me. The affair may be just the exit. We won't know without more info though.
__________________
Blog

Last edited by ing; 10-06-2012 at 06:11 PM. Reason: typos
ing is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-06-2012, 06:01 PM   #17 (permalink)
ing
Member
 
ing's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1,196
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
A-freakin-men.
I'm a ***** cat really
ok. TAM censor bot..

a gentle feline?
__________________
Blog
ing is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 06:12 PM   #18 (permalink)
Member
 
MattMatt's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: England
Posts: 10,094
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Do you have children?

BTW take as much space as you need to tell your story.
MattMatt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 08:32 PM   #19 (permalink)
Member
 
Count of Monte Cristo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: DFW Metroplex
Posts: 1,386
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobka View Post
She is something of a hoarder...
Yuck!
Count of Monte Cristo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-06-2012, 10:18 PM   #20 (permalink)
Banned
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 10,101
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

1. Terminate all joint CC
2. Move your pay and 50% of assets to a you only account
3. Prepare the house for sale by dumping and selling all you can
4. Exposť her cheating to friends, family, the World
5. Exposť the OM to his friends, family etc.
Shaggy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 02:35 AM   #21 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Picking up the pieces's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 22
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

My husband and I have been trying to reconcile for a year (he's having an affair with someone I know and it's been going on about 3 years) and we're kind of under the same roof. He spends some nights with that person (they work and have to go out of town and he also spends nights over there partly because we live very far away and rely on public transportation to get around and he can't get home in under 2 hours at night, etc.). But I can tell you this, if you're going to continue to try to reconcile under the same roof and she's going to keep going to visit her "friend", be prepared for absolute h*ll. It hurts like nothing I can say to watch them walk out the door. And when they come back.... just be ready to go through h*ll. I can't say "kick her out" because I know you maybe can't. I can't kick mine out. Financially AND because I still want him, too. It's hard, isn't it? I hope things work out for you.
Picking up the pieces is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 03:07 AM   #22 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: England
Posts: 97
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Hi Bobka i would empty the clutter if only to reduce the fire risk lots of clutter equals lots of chances of fire possabity of being trapped i would use that as an excuse and see what the result is as for the future like the house start with a clean slate and a uncluttered mind its your life so live it
frank29 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 07:52 AM   #23 (permalink)
Member
 
Machiavelli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Obamastan
Posts: 5,664
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobka View Post
Suffice it to say that I, through my lack of initiative for sex, turned my marriage into a roommate relationship. My wife could not stand this after 16 years (and I, in many ways, cannot blame her), and decided to lose a bunch of weight, do self-improvement and go looking for someone to pay attention to her.
When women start losing weight and trying to look good, they have already decided to find and attract a more worthy male. I'm going out a limb (not much of one) and guess that she lost weight and you kept getting fatter. Which brings us to the root of the problem which she used as a pretext for her adultery: your disinterest in plowing her good and proper on a daily basis. The fatter the male gets, the more estrogen and the less testosterone he produces. The higher the estrogen in the male, the fatter he gets. It's a closed feedback loop that's turning you into a girl-repellant eunuch, for all practical purposes.

Did you get that? Not only do you not want to have sex with a woman, they don't want to have sex with you. Once you get your waist/chest ratio out of whack, you become invisible to women. Been there, done that.

Go on Atkins induction and stay there until you get a 32" waist. Simultaneously, take up bodybuilding. See your doctor about a T panel workup, you're clearly deficient. You want it around 700-800. Cool how I can diagnose that over the internet, ain't it?

Take advantage of your wife's absence while she is on her sex tour to haul off the crap in the garage. Better yet, have a garage sale and make some lawyer retainer money.

If you want to get your wife back, that's a tall order. She checked out the first time she said no to a hot fudge sundae. Your only chance is to whip your body into shape ASAP and learn how to get in touch with her limbic brain. Read Roissy and Married Man Sex Life. The lessons learned will be useless, though, unless you fix your hormonal and physical deficiencies first.
Machiavelli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 07:57 AM   #24 (permalink)
Member
 
See_Listen_Love's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Belgium
Posts: 1,309
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobka View Post
Suffice it to say that I, through my lack of initiative for sex, turned my marriage into a roommate relationship.

..., she announced that she wanted a separation, I suppose, in her mind, to free her to have this fling from (somewhat) within our marriage.
But this is not cheating, it is an open marriage if she told you beforehand. And since you condone it, wel,l it's OK.

Most of the time people feel betrayed after an affair, you knew before, and you betrayed the marriage first by turning it in an sexless relationship.

So this is the ideal situation actually, one would have liked the spouse to talk about the problem, divorce beforehand, then have a PA.
All the criticism if people do it otherwise means this is the right way.
See_Listen_Love is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 12:44 PM   #25 (permalink)
Member
 
Falene's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SoCal
Posts: 411
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Is it an affair if the spouse is totally upfront before anything happens? Don't get me wrong, what she is doing is clearly wrong. I don't know, I guess this one has this newbie a bit confused.

Why does a man stop having interest in sex? Would you be willing to work on this with your wife? Do you think she would be willing to try and work on the marriage if she has to to watch you work to have sex with her?
Falene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 12:52 PM   #26 (permalink)
Member
 
Hope Springs Eternal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Where it's coldest
Posts: 603
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
When women start losing weight and trying to look good, they have already decided to find and attract a more worthy male. I'm going out a limb (not much of one) and guess that she lost weight and you kept getting fatter. Which brings us to the root of the problem which she used as a pretext for her adultery: your disinterest in plowing her good and proper on a daily basis. The fatter the male gets, the more estrogen and the less testosterone he produces. The higher the estrogen in the male, the fatter he gets. It's a closed feedback loop that's turning you into a girl-repellant eunuch, for all practical purposes.

Did you get that? Not only do you not want to have sex with a woman, they don't want to have sex with you. Once you get your waist/chest ratio out of whack, you become invisible to women. Been there, done that.

Go on Atkins induction and stay there until you get a 32" waist. Simultaneously, take up bodybuilding. See your doctor about a T panel workup, you're clearly deficient. You want it around 700-800. Cool how I can diagnose that over the internet, ain't it?

Take advantage of your wife's absence while she is on her sex tour to haul off the crap in the garage. Better yet, have a garage sale and make some lawyer retainer money.

If you want to get your wife back, that's a tall order. She checked out the first time she said no to a hot fudge sundae. Your only chance is to whip your body into shape ASAP and learn how to get in touch with her limbic brain. Read Roissy and Married Man Sex Life. The lessons learned will be useless, though, unless you fix your hormonal and physical deficiencies first.
Naw, I lost weight, too. 70 lbs (Atkins). I'm looking alright. And my testoterone tests fine. For the rest of you, we have two grown kids who don't live at home with us.
Hope Springs Eternal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 12:55 PM   #27 (permalink)
Member
 
Hope Springs Eternal's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Where it's coldest
Posts: 603
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falene View Post
Is it an affair if the spouse is totally upfront before anything happens? Don't get me wrong, what she is doing is clearly wrong. I don't know, I guess this one has this newbie a bit confused.

Why does a man stop having interest in sex? Would you be willing to work on this with your wife? Do you think she would be willing to try and work on the marriage if she has to to watch you work to have sex with her?
I have bipolar disorder, and the meds I take are libido-killers. That's the main reason for my lack of desire for sex. We have tried to work on this in the past, but I just couldn't make it happen to her satisfaction.
Hope Springs Eternal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 12:57 PM   #28 (permalink)
Member
 
Falene's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: SoCal
Posts: 411
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

That makes sense. I was under the impression it was a choice and not a medical issue.

I am so sorry you are in this situation. I know this is a dumb question, but you have explored other medications? Is your doctor actively working with you to find a medication system that helps in that area?
Falene is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 01:01 PM   #29 (permalink)
Member
 
CleanJerkSnatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 971
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by Machiavelli View Post
The fatter the male gets, the more estrogen and the less testosterone he produces. The higher the estrogen in the male, the fatter he gets. It's a closed feedback loop that's turning you into a girl-repellant eunuch, for all practical purposes.

Did you get that? Not only do you not want to have sex with a woman, they don't want to have sex with you. Once you get your waist/chest ratio out of whack, you become invisible to women. Been there, done that.
Not only that, but estrogen feeds depression and makes it worse. Lack of vitamin c brings you anxiety/panic attacks and inability to cope with stress (cortisol)


Your wife wanting space is a sign that she wants to SCREW AROUND and JUSTIFY it in her mind as being MORALLY FINE because "we were separated"

Man, this sux to hear but, she's off on a 2 week fu** fest and it even disgusts me to say it.


Start working out now, eating healthy, and forget the atkins, if you're that much overweight what you need is THE JUICE DIET. Either buy a juicer and start juicing yourself to keep you busy or just buy bolthouse juice and stick to 64-100 of juice with about 1 gallon of water a day. You'll drop insane amount of weight in little time and have insane amount of energy after the first 3 days ("hang over period" some do not feel it though). I've used that method with many of my clients many times, obviously that is just the tip of the iceberg of what I really have them do.
CleanJerkSnatch is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-07-2012, 01:02 PM   #30 (permalink)
Member
 
CleanJerkSnatch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 971
Default Re: Roommates and now cheating

Quote:
Originally Posted by bobka View Post
Naw, I lost weight, too. 70 lbs (Atkins). I'm looking alright. And my testoterone tests fine. For the rest of you, we have two grown kids who don't live at home with us.
Seems, I got ahead of myself, keep going strong.
CleanJerkSnatch is offline   Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Tags
infidelity, roomates

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Roommates!! LVS Considering Divorce or Separation 20 06-19-2012 10:55 AM
Roommates or not bewildered Considering Divorce or Separation 14 02-13-2010 09:07 AM
Marriage or Roommates?? kayla111 Considering Divorce or Separation 5 02-07-2010 11:14 AM
Roommates WhyohWhy Considering Divorce or Separation 9 09-28-2009 11:24 AM
We are nothing more than roommates 13years Considering Divorce or Separation 24 04-20-2009 05:56 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:29 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage