Emotionally "attached" to another man.
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-21-2012, 11:21 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Ok. So... I'm sure some of you have seen my other posts before. I disappeared for a while too. Lets to to the point... I am "attached" to another man. I have known this Guy for about. Year and a half now. He's bright, charming, cute, funny and just an all around amazing Guy. My problem is, its becoming more than just a friendship. We both are married with children. I have no idea what's going on but for some reason I "love" this man. I know its stupid, childish and what not but damn. I cannot seem to get him out of my head. All I can think about is him. He talks about us getting together and leaving our spouse. I'm just honestly not sure what to do. I know its wrong. Maybe its because I have a person who cares about my opinions, feelings and actually takes the time out ofbhis day for me. My husband does not. I will her a compliment maybe once every few weeks. I'm not a small girl by anymeans and I'm working on that for myself. Husband calls me fat, this man calls me beautiful. My husband has been too distant for too long. Sex is a rare occasion. So rare I'm beginning to not want it with my husband. This man listens to me when I need to talk to someone while my husband says hes too busy. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm sick of my husbands ****. We are growing distand and maybe this new man is just a temporary solution to feeling so alone? Ugh. Idk. I'm so into this Guy that I've actually become rude, and very angry towards my husband. Like he says something and I just snap. I have never been like this. Ahhh. I don't know. Please. Someone tell me I'm crazy and. And knock some sense into me.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:29 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Stop it. You know it's wrong. End your marriage or end the affair.

Stop cake eating.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:37 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

If you truly feel that way then leave leave your marriage and honor. I can't tell you to try to make it work if you don't want it to.

Divorce him, then do whatever you want.

Its either that or the affair ends and you have no further contact.

Don't make your husband a plan B. If you truly want this guy then jump in after divorcing.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:38 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Listen to yourself.

"I know what I'm doing is wrong but I like doing the wrong thing. Help me."

Willpower is all a matter of what the person wants to do. That's why it's called willpower. When people say they want to do the right thing but don't, they are liars. You have the God-given ability to do the right thing or the wrong thing. You made a promise to your husband and to God that you would do the right thing.

You didn't say "I'll be faithful as long as I feel like it."
You didn't say "I'll be faithful as long as you're being considerate."
You said "I'll be faithful."

You made a promise. So keep it. End the affair, throw yourself at the feet of your husband and let him make the decision to either forgive or throw you out.

OR come to terms with the fact that you are a wicked person. It's one or the other. Don't try to be a cheater and then validate what you've done.

And remember this. People blame affairs on problems going on at home, but in truth it is really the reverse:

Affairs, in all forms, cause problems at home because your infidelity sends off tells that he can perceive. He doesn't know that you're cheating on him but he can feel the marriage itself crying in pain.

That is your responsibility.

Own what you did. Pride is your worst enemy here, lady.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:46 PM   #5 (permalink)
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A) OMG. Wall of text. Paragraphs help.

B)
Quote:
Originally Posted by that_girl View Post
Stop it. You know it's wrong. End your marriage or end the affair.

Stop cake eating.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:50 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

I think it's more then that. Stop all communication with this "friend". Yes, make the choice but you already know that's it's wrong. Don't ask for reassurances on here because you will not get it here. Tell your husband what's been going on with your life recently. Write a no contact letter to the om and offer your husband full transparency and what ever necessary.
This is going to be a tough uphill battle but you need do either A or B not both.
You know what right in your heart and judging by your post you just need a push to the positive direction in the right way! Your husband deserves to know what's going on, let him know.
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Old 10-21-2012, 11:52 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Search the forum for a thread called "I'm a wife in an emotional affair" by AnnieAsh. She's been where you are and is slowly coming out of it. Read her thread. Everything you need to do is there. And it will show you that it can be done.
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Old 10-22-2012, 12:09 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Sorry for the wall of text. I'm on mobile. But I have stopped contact with him before. He always finds a way to pop back up as soon as I start fixing myself. I started to tell my husband but couldn't completely tell him what's going on.
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Old 10-22-2012, 12:45 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Untouchable View Post
Sorry for the wall of text. I'm on mobile. But I have stopped contact with him before. He always finds a way to pop back up as soon as I start fixing myself. I started to tell my husband but couldn't completely tell him what's going on.
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He doesn't just pop up. You don't tell him off, which is you purposely leaving yourself open so he is able to renew contact. If you were giving 100% effort to fix yourself you would have told him its over and not to ever contact you.

An analogy would be a guy who says hes quitting smoking, but leaves a pack of cigarettes and a lighter on the table in his bedroom two feet away from him.

Whereas someone serious about quitting smoking would toss any and all smoking related items in the garbage.
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:54 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Untouchable View Post
Ok. So... I'm sure some of you have seen my other posts before. I disappeared for a while too. Lets to to the point... I am "attached" to another man. I have known this Guy for about. Year and a half now. He's bright, charming, cute, funny and just an all around amazing Guy. My problem is, its becoming more than just a friendship. We both are married with children. I have no idea what's going on but for some reason I "love" this man. I know its stupid, childish and what not but damn. I cannot seem to get him out of my head. All I can think about is him. He talks about us getting together and leaving our spouse. I'm just honestly not sure what to do. I know its wrong. Maybe its because I have a person who cares about my opinions, feelings and actually takes the time out ofbhis day for me. My husband does not. I will her a compliment maybe once every few weeks. I'm not a small girl by anymeans and I'm working on that for myself. Husband calls me fat, this man calls me beautiful. My husband has been too distant for too long. Sex is a rare occasion. So rare I'm beginning to not want it with my husband. This man listens to me when I need to talk to someone while my husband says hes too busy. I honestly don't know what to do. I'm sick of my husbands ****. We are growing distand and maybe this new man is just a temporary solution to feeling so alone? Ugh. Idk. I'm so into this Guy that I've actually become rude, and very angry towards my husband. Like he says something and I just snap. I have never been like this. Ahhh. I don't know. Please. Someone tell me I'm crazy and. And knock some sense into me.
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Please say you're in your teens or early twenties, you sound like a 15 yr old with boyfriend problems.

Last edited by shazam; 10-22-2012 at 03:15 AM.
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Old 10-22-2012, 02:58 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Is the affair physical ?

Quote:
Husband calls me fat, this man calls me beautiful.
Hmm..I'm guessing that OM has no ulterior motive when he calls you that beautiful while your H has every reason to demean you.

Quote:
Maybe its because I have a person who cares about my opinions, feelings and actually takes the time out ofbhis day for me
Or maybe he wants to f*ck you..That is why!! That can be a major motivator..


Quote:
We are growing distand and maybe this new man is just a temporary solution to feeling so alone?
What about your kids ? His family ? His wife ? His kids ? Your Husband, the man you once loved and took marriage vows with ?

None of them matter, right ?


You come off as extremely immature OP.. Maybe you want to look into that..

Last edited by warlock07; 10-22-2012 at 03:03 AM.
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:05 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

Quote:
He always finds a way to pop back up as soon as I start fixing myself.
Why would you want to get with a guy who is actively looking to cheat on his wife and kids ? Are cheaters so attractive ? What is so attractive about such a scumbag ? Maybe because your morals match ?
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Old 10-22-2012, 03:39 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

How have you brought another man into your marriage?

You have already started slipping on a backward slope.

Unless you stop seeing the other man and thinking about him, your marriage with your husband is in for a trouble.

Your marital problems are better addressed with your husband and you are not right in comparing your husband with OM. How would you feel if your husband compares you with other women? I hear you say your husband says you are fat. You should probably work on your physical appearance.

More importantly, work on your relationship with your husband and do not bring in OM into your marriage.
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Old 10-22-2012, 05:25 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Feeling attraction for others and falling out of love with your spouse is normal.

How you handle it is what matters.

What happened in my relationship was - my wife fell out of love with me, took it as a sign that we just "weren't suppose to be" and started her EA.

Meanwhile, when I fell out of love with her (twice during the nine year relationship) and pined after someone else - I told myself it was normal, that I would eventually fall out of love with the new girl too, and that It was a sign I needed to work on my marriage.

So I found the moments I loved her the most and built from there. The feelings eventually came back.

She never gave herself the chance, and by the time we realized we had a problem, she was too invested with her EA.

So two ways to handle the same problem.
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Old 10-22-2012, 06:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Emotionally "attached" to another man.

"I'm just honestly not sure what to do. I know its wrong." These two statements don't agree. If you know it's wrong, you know what to do. Right now, you imagine life as a choice between two scenarios, life with husband or life with this new guy. There is a third (very real) possibility. That's being caught in an affair and abandoned by both, maybe losing custody of your kids or keeping the kids but losing 70% of your financial support. The world is full of struggling divorced mom's with kids. It's really easy for a guy to flirt with a woman. How anxious is this guy going to be to leave his wife, lose his kids, at least half of what he owns, damage his reputation, to trade-in for you and your kids? The man you have isn't perfect but he's YOUR man. Even if you had a written guarantee, would you really want a husband who runs around behind your back, flirting with other women? I'm sure he has the same reservations about you.
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