Re edited w/line breaks WS needs trust advice please read
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 10-23-2012, 03:25 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Re edited w/line breaks WS needs trust advice please read

I hope u don't mind me telling u my story as short as I can make it
My husband call him john adopted my two kids from a previous marriage my ex husband call him dave was in prison at the time (father of the kids and ex husband we married youn I got pregnant married him at 16 he was 18). Dave got out and a year later contacted me to find out how our oldest son (no longer legally his as john adopted them)) was doing because that son call him ben secretly facebooked him. We proceeds to talk text only as he wa 26 hours away for three months behind johns back..


John two years prior had been battling pain killer addiction after a shoulder injury ( finally after this started going to a doctor and now on medication to treat that addiction) and before this pain killer problem was never an addict didn't use anything not even drink was during addiction and before a very hard worker good provider and amazing person.
For those two years he was verbally mean to me very disconnected and hardly no intimacy. I didnt know for 18 months it had anything to do with an addiction. We have the two kids from my previous marrige he had adopted then we (John and i) had two of our own. So four children total. Be fore we got married john and his ex girlfriend whom he had no kids with she told me they had sex and he admitted she had come to his work but didn't tell me cause I would think he cheated but claimed she lied about sex this is second time before we married he said this ,that was 2003 after living together 3 years. Although I don't fully believe him I let it go.

So after john found the texts of me and Dave he with our confronting me with it took his mom and sister
Went to a lawyer filed and took off with kids to an out of state relative then asked me to come see him I did, then Told his mom I followed him there.. Due to his addiction we didn't know about he lied for two years about me and his family said horrible things about me etc to keep me and them apart.

He then started texting calling this ex behind my back a month after finding out about me in march this year and dave texting talking. I found phone records. i called her she said they met at lake he took our two kids even. Then they met again alone for pain meds and said he had lied and told her we didn't live together etc. ok so I have NC with Dave but John said my betrayal with my ex is worse because of the history and he is hurt worse because he didn't do anything with his ex and not were his intentions to be with her it was just get me back.I say the same dave was five states away and we only texted talked but I am suppose to believe john while he continues to feel lhow can he ever know I am really being honest (I could say same to him) and says he knows he was mean and selfish with addiction but never had gone to a woman to talk. He looks at me different but says he wants to be here and with me and feels like he has been forced to feel unimportant and I robbed him of that. I cry a lot To him and say why can't we just be like before if we both want that I am willing and have forgiven. He was an absent husband emotionally an physically for those two years before i ever talked to dave and even after as he only started treatment in august.

me and my ex Dave (for three months nov 2011-feb 2012 had what I call the EA ) i had stopped talking to dave for a month before John found phone records). dave did say he wanted me still always will while I told Dave that John and me were havig problems but if he could be his real self (John ) he is all I have ever wanted and i didnt want to be with Dave but had conversations about what could have been had he never turned into a NA person am went to prison he did I always said things happen for a reason am John makes me happier more than anyone has when sober and normal. Any advice on how I can or things I can do or say to prove I am trustworthy ? I want him to look at me like before. Sorry so long just hoping no matter how harsh y'all have advice on trusting or earning trust. He has access to phone my fb all of it.
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:34 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Re edited w/line breaks WS needs trust advice please read

What was the nature of your communication with the ex ? How deep was the emotional affair ?


Did you lie about the communication before your H found out ?
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Re edited w/line breaks WS needs trust advice please read

Yes I didn't tell him and it was for closure as I divorced him as soon as he went to prison and terminated his rights while there
It wasn't like I love u and wih it could have worked thing he the ex expressed he would always want me back but I told him if my husband gets better he is the only man I want but my husband thinks it was more
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:44 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by warlock07 View Post
What was the nature of your communication with the ex ? How deep was the emotional affair ?


Did you lie about the communication before your H found out ?
Yes I didn't tell him and it was for closure as I divorced him as soon as he went to prison and terminated his rights while there
It wasn't like I love u and wih it could have worked thing he the ex expressed he would always want me back but I told him if my husband gets better he is the only man I want but my husband thinks it was more
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Old 10-23-2012, 03:52 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by warlock07 View Post
What was the nature of your communication with the ex ? How deep was the emotional affair ?


Did you lie about the communication before your H found out ?
Once he found out he came home left phone records all over the house with Dave's phone number highlighted his sister pushed and said just go file and said she new from day one I was a ***** which stung...not an excuse but I stood by him through his addiction and illness the financial strain and emotion neglect her brother was not perfect as none of are. I only point this out because I stood by better or worse
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