Say something to my fetish partner?
 Talk About Marriage
  The Marriage Advice and Relationship Help Forums
  right
Forums - For Therapists - Link to Us - Advertise  

    A Public Forum Provided by The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory
Register FAQ Community Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Navigation »Talk About Marriage »Focused Topics »Coping with Infidelity » Say something to my fetish partner?

Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

Like Tree2Likes
  • 1 Post By Silverlining
  • 1 Post By SadandAngry

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 10-27-2012, 01:55 PM   #1 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5
Default Say something to my fetish partner?

I love my fiancee so very much, and I was wondering if i could get someones opinion....

He has a foot fetish, and i recently found online, he goes on several websites, asking if other women would let him caress there feet, Im completely fine with what he is into and what turns him on, but id prefer he didnt go to other women, even though it is as far as I know, just a messaging on the internet thing.

I feel hurt that he is keeping this from me, if he was more open about it, I would feel better it think, and as Ive been cheated on in previous relationships when my partner met women from the net...I feel uneasy.

How do I approach him without it causing a blazing row? so confused
ultravixen333 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 10-27-2012, 05:39 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 192
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Definition of fetish:
an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression.

This is cheating. If you are in a monogamous relationship then he should not be seeking pleasure from anyone other than you. What's wrong with your feet?

Explain to him that you have a penis fetish and you need to caress other men's genitalia in order to be satisfied. (just kidding)

Seriously, explain to him that this is making you uncomfortable and you are not ok with it. He is doing this behind your back so he knows it's not ok. Set your boundaries and stick to them.
Silverlining is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-27-2012, 05:40 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,414
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

I think you need to be open and honest with him, and state you expect the same from him. You aren't crazy, you are correct to be suspicious of reaching out online. It creates a dangerous environment, and over time his want to connect may grow, then he comes across a willing co conspirator, and they're off to the races, and you're left in the ruins of your relationship wondering what the hell happened? So no, engaging strangers over the net to indulge his fetish is not ok. You have feet I assume? Ask him why they will not do? If he can't be satisfied with only your feet, he should let them and the rest of you move on to someone who will treat them with the devotion they (you) deserve.
SadandAngry is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-29-2012, 01:16 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
gman95901's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 41
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ultravixen333 View Post
I love my fiancee so very much, and I was wondering if i could get someones opinion....

He has a foot fetish, and i recently found online, he goes on several websites, asking if other women would let him caress there feet, Im completely fine with what he is into and what turns him on, but id prefer he didnt go to other women, even though it is as far as I know, just a messaging on the internet thing.

I feel hurt that he is keeping this from me, if he was more open about it, I would feel better it think, and as Ive been cheated on in previous relationships when my partner met women from the net...I feel uneasy.

How do I approach him without it causing a blazing row? so confused
It's obvious that your fiancee has a foot fetish and that he is either still very insecure or uncomfortable with it, or he would not seek gratification from online resources. Speaking as a 'foot' guy myself I can tell you that not all of us are okay with being partial to feet right away. For some of us it is a journey that takes time to complete. Sometimes, we need reassurance from those that we love and trust the most that our partialism is normal and not weird and that as our partner, you are okay with it and just need to understand what makes us tick. For some, foot partialisms are quite unique, meaning that the person in question has a unique taste. This could be bare feet, shoes , hosiery, tramoling, footjobs, etc, but sometimes we are not quite comfortable talking about what we like, or what we need from our special someone to make it work. So I think the best angle you need to approach this is, is trying to figure out by talking to him what he needs, what his particular taste is and get him comfortable and talking about it. The more you talk between the two of you, the easier it will be to communicate about wants, needs and desires. And this will hopefully speed up the process for your fiancee becoming comfortable in his own skin....
gman95901 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-29-2012, 01:39 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
chillymorn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,964
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ultravixen333 View Post
I love my fiancee so very much, and I was wondering if i could get someones opinion....

He has a foot fetish, and i recently found online, he goes on several websites, asking if other women would let him caress there feet, Im completely fine with what he is into and what turns him on, but id prefer he didnt go to other women, even though it is as far as I know, just a messaging on the internet thing.

I feel hurt that he is keeping this from me, if he was more open about it, I would feel better it think, and as Ive been cheated on in previous relationships when my partner met women from the net...I feel uneasy.

How do I approach him without it causing a blazing row? so confused
I'd walk all over him!

Lol

I think its ok to have an interst in your feet only! Hell I think I have a vagina fetish! dose that mean I can rub other womens vaginas or have computer sex with them....I think not.
chillymorn is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-29-2012, 02:18 PM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,420
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by chillymorn View Post
I'd walk all over him!

Lol

I think its ok to have an interst in your feet only! Hell I think I have a vagina fetish! dose that mean I can rub other womens vaginas or have computer sex with them....I think not.
That's a good point. You need to set boundries....

Posted via Mobile Device
wiigirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-30-2012, 10:47 PM   #7 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gman95901 View Post
It's obvious that your fiancee has a foot fetish and that he is either still very insecure or uncomfortable with it, or he would not seek gratification from online resources. Speaking as a 'foot' guy myself I can tell you that not all of us are okay with being partial to feet right away. For some of us it is a journey that takes time to complete. Sometimes, we need reassurance from those that we love and trust the most that our partialism is normal and not weird and that as our partner, you are okay with it and just need to understand what makes us tick. For some, foot partialisms are quite unique, meaning that the person in question has a unique taste. This could be bare feet, shoes , hosiery, tramoling, footjobs, etc, but sometimes we are not quite comfortable talking about what we like, or what we need from our special someone to make it work. So I think the best angle you need to approach this is, is trying to figure out by talking to him what he needs, what his particular taste is and get him comfortable and talking about it. The more you talk between the two of you, the easier it will be to communicate about wants, needs and desires. And this will hopefully speed up the process for your fiancee becoming comfortable in his own skin....

I believe gman, he is defiantly comfortable with it, he has no issues discussing it with people, has shown me his extensive video, pic and magazine collection, and Ive given him plenty of reassurance that his love of feet dosent bother me, im very open minded, and that he can tickle, caress, suck or whatever to mine, and as I reciprocate and tease and exite him, as any woman would do with there other half, if he was a boobs man, or liked his woman to dress up etc... as I am his partner...we even have some videos we have made together on the net.....hehe
ultravixen333 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-30-2012, 10:57 PM   #8 (permalink)
Registered User
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Well....i discussed this issue with him this evening....Told him I had seen things that he had put, and that even tho It isnt physical cheating, I still felt hurt and betrayed, and as If what I have isnt good enough.

I have no Issues with him watching videos, or looking at pics, but I do not like him interacting with another woman, explaining that, If I had seen a man I found sexually attractive on the net, and I discussed intimate details with him, and that if he found out, I know for a fact he would go mental....probably even end our relationship.

I said I dont want to argue (I hate arguments) but for him to behave. I think, and hope he gets the message.
ultravixen333 is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-30-2012, 11:16 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 1,414
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

What did he have to say?
SadandAngry is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Old 10-30-2012, 11:25 PM   #10 (permalink)
Forum Supporter
 
EleGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 18,123
Default Re: Say something to my fetish partner?

Now that you have told him how you feel and what you will/will-not accept there are things that need to happen.

What he did is a form on infidelity. He needs to never again do things like that on the internet. He needs to show you want he can be trusted. He should give you the account names and passwords for every account he has. You should be able to put a key-logger on his computer to monitor him... so he can prove that he's not doing it.

From my experience.. People don't just stop this stuff. He's going to continue is and get better at hiding it.
__________________
Surviving An Affair - What Are Plan A and Plan B? 180 for Betrayed Spouses


To Create A Passionate Marriage - Five Steps to Romantic Love His Needs, Her Needs Love Busters
EleGirl is offline   Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on Talk About Marriage, you must first register. Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

Important! Your username will be visible to the public next to anything you post and could show up in search engines like Google. If you are concerned about anonymity, PLEASE choose a username that will not be recognizable to anyone you know.
User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Not Trigger During Sex w new partner/old partner how do you cope krismimo Coping with Infidelity 9 10-01-2012 06:49 PM
Uptight male partner, crazy over sexual female partner LoveYourself Sex in Marriage 17 08-22-2012 11:45 PM

Member Area

Find a Therapist:


Sponsor Ads


Sponsor Ads




Get The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory Help Guide via Email:
Name:
Email:




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:10 AM.



Copyright 2007 - 2013 © Talk About Marriage

SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2 ©2011, Crawlability, Inc.