Re: Wife's Emotional Affair is claimed as "Ended" - What Do I Do Next?
Update: A lot has happened and there has been some back and forth but I think she is trying to settle on what she wants to do and she has it understands the double life cannot continue.
As of Friday night, she told him it was over with them and that he was not to contact her again. I am not sure that at this point she knows if she made the right decision, but she made a decision. Her next concern is how to deal with me and she says she knows I will not trust her for a long time if ever, and she doesn't expect me to, but that she wants things to work back to how they used to be with me. I think that she is still confused but I think she is being as genuine as I've seen recently.
Sat morning I told her that I thought she made the right decision. But I said OK if you decided to cut off contact then the line is drawn and there absolutely cannot be any more contact or there will be extreme consequences. Do not make the goodbye drag on. She seemed to get that. I told her that she was not to follow up with him to make sure he wasn't hurt, that if he tried to contact her in any way, she should not respond but call me and talk to me about how she is feeling.
She said that she still has a lot in her head and that she 'guesses' she needs to go talk with someone to help her deal with it. It was unsolicited and this is the first time she has talked about getting professional help so I view it as progress for her. Last night she started saying some things we should do as a family this summer so she is trying to think a little but longer term.
At the beginning of this thread I think my frame of mind was that the most important things were: 1. Wanted to try to save my marriage, 2. Wanted my daughter to be OK, 3. Was concerned about wife's emotions/depression.
Now, I think that there is tons of work to do on each of those but the onus had been on my wife to make a decision and she has at least temporarily done that and showed some commitment to it. Now I feel like the onus is on me to accept what she has done. I don't know if I can do that. I was so worried about 1, 2, and 3 above that I didn't think about my own insecurities now that the relationship has been betrayed.
I need to act supportive in order to make her feel like she has made the right decision, but at the same time there are things that I will require to go on as well. It is a tough balancing act. But I had to create an environment where there was the possibility of keeping the family together. Easiest thing to do would have been to just let her go but 5 years down the road I would have trouble knowing I didn't give it a chance.
How/is it possible for me to help my wife think about feeling better about breaking it off with OM?