Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confront?
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Coping with Infidelity Relationship recovery from the destructiveness of infidelity.

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Old 11-11-2012, 11:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confront?

I need some advice and I hope someone here can help me. Me and my wife have been married for 6 years. We have 2 young sons. Sex has become very very stale. We used to have sex all the time and then it became less and less. We used to give each other oral sex and then she stopped because she said she didn't like it anymore. I eventually stopped also and now, we probably have sex once every 2 or 3 months.

My brother is 4 years my senior and he is also married. I never liked the way my wife acts around him and it always makes me feel uneasy. I am not too tech savvy but I thought she was cheating on me. I hired a detective and discovered that she has been seeing my brother. The detective installed a camera in our bedroom and I saw that my brother came over during lunch to see her. She complained of being just off her period but he said he didn't care. He gave her oral sex and then they had sex in my bed. I was very hurt to learn all of this.

I have not confronted my brother or her. All I can do is cry. I do love them both but I don't know what to do. I think the oral sex is significant because it's always something she liked. I stopped giving it to her as a punishment for her not giving it to me. Was that the right thing to do? I'm not sure I want to expose this because I will break up my marriage as well as my brothers. What can I do to win my wife's heart back so she will stop seeing my brother?
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Old 11-11-2012, 11:51 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Okay, that's some hardcore stuff my friend.
You got to find out what you want. Are you okay with what happened and still love your wife if she change? Got to know what you want.
My wife cheated but we are still together because I forgave her.
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Old 11-11-2012, 11:59 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

My friend. What marriage are you saving. Yu wife is sleeping with your brother and you think you have something to save!????

Even if you want to stay married to this woman, your only hope is to confront her, expose your brother and her to evryone and see if there is remorse. If not, move on.
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:03 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Sorry for your situation but personally I'd be blowing my stack I think......what a double betrayal.Btw,even if you want to overlook it and move on,its only right your sister-in-law gets a choice in the matter.Truth is as long as she's in the affair,you can't reconcile.Hope you get some good advice,but I'm at a loss.Take care.
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:06 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Well, this is a tough deal Titus, you're going to feel bad for a long time, you'll feel disoriented for the next month at least, and totally confused for several months, and sad for much longer.

Nothing you do will make you feel better; get used to that idea right now. This will be a long haul.

You obviously need to tell both parties that they're busted and no longer allowed to see or communicate with each other.

After that you've got a ton of work to do; these folks here will get you up to speed on what that is.

I'm not saying much more about it because I know there are two small kids involved, and a brother, and my solution would blow it all up, because I would be out of the house tonight.

But I know that solution isn't for everyone; good luck my friend.

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Old 11-12-2012, 12:07 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

What kind of man will have sex with his brother's wife?

What kind of woman will have sex with her brother in law on her husband's bed?

There is nothing here to save.
What you saw is just one episode of her adultery , there are many more.
Exposé your brother to his wife and your entire family.

Tomorrow should be the first day of the rest of your new life.
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:11 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

I have been trying to tell myself that this was the first time. They were so casual that I can't force myself to believe that. The problem is that even though I am hurting, I still love them both. Even if we do get divorced, I will always be connected with my brother and her because of the kids. I want to try to salvage something from this marriage if I can.
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:39 AM   #8 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Sorry that you are in such a dysfunctional family. Immediately get you ass out of this marriage, and NEVER talk to this piece of **** brother of your EVERY AGAIN !
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:46 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Good God almighty. I really can't think of much worse of an affair than your own flesh and blood hitting your spouse, especially after they say that they are no longer interested in having sex with you.

Hate to break the news to you but your marriage was nuked and FUBAR'd. Trying to salvage something from this would be like trying to find scraps in Nagasaki after the bomb was dropped on them. And with the kids to consider, she is in prime cake-eating position because she has family court in her back pocket if the day comes when you want out (read; child sort and alimony).

I cannot tell you what to do because the love for my WW turned ice cold after finding out about her fling. Personally, I would be out the door. It's one thing to be considered your spouse's's second choice. It's an entirely different story when her #1 is your older brother.

Leave and take care of the child support. Distance yourself from your brother, stat. That's all I can say...
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:49 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caribbean Man View Post
What kind of man will have sex with his brother's wife?

What kind of woman will have sex with her brother in law on her husband's bed?

There is nothing here to save.
What you saw is just one episode of her adultery , there are many more.
Exposé your brother to his wife and your entire family.

Tomorrow should be the first day of the rest of your new life.


Titus, it's natural to want to save your family. However, your wife and your brother has destroyed the life that you once knew. Expose them both and let the chips fall where they may. Personally, my brother would be dead to me and I would have to think long and hard about trying to work it out with the wife.
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:55 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

I cant decide what is the most screwed up.

1. Your wifes intimacy wuth your brother
2. Your brothers intimacy with your wife
3. Your calm considerations about what to do

I would be throwing her **** out in the front yard and going to see your brother, mother, father, MIL and FIL. You want her back? For what? Dump her like the weekly trash
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Old 11-12-2012, 12:58 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

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Originally Posted by YupItsMe View Post
I cant decide what is the most screwed up.

1. Your wifes intimacy wuth your brother
2. Your brothers intimacy with your wife
3. Your calm considerations about what to do

I would be throwing her **** out in the front yard and going to see your brother, mother, father, MIL and FIL. You want her back? For what? Dump her like the weekly trash
You need to expose if this is a true story to everyone today!
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Old 11-12-2012, 01:02 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

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Originally Posted by tom67 View Post
You need to expose if this is a true story to everyone today!
Yup.
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Old 11-12-2012, 01:03 AM   #14 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Buddy, Sorry you are here, the place to which no one should come.

Your guts were cautioning you all along and finally you had a PI to investigate.

Your wife is in deep affair with your elder brother. For many years. He did not care if she had her menstrual cycle. I think that this affair has been going on for more time than what you think.

Leave now.
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Old 11-12-2012, 01:25 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Default Re: Found out big brother had sex with my wife. Need to win her back! Should I confro

Go to your sister in law and tell her what went on.

Then tell your brother he is dead to you. Son, fact is brothers do not screw their brothers wives. This guy is not your brother.

Again, he is not your brother.
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