believer

to Carmeanforcer - How long ago did your wife cheat? What happened intially once you founf out? Have you staying only for the child? If so, I think that is wrong because you need to make sure you are happy - it's too much of a sacrafice for you to live your life unhappy. Also, I am sure if you decide to part it won't be easy for you or your child but kids are resilient & will adapt.
I am amazed how well my 2 girls are adjusting to our seperation ( they are 7 & 2). I think it is always the parents fear how the kids will react. The research says that how the kids adjust is often directly related to how parent handle the situation & if they can be civil to each other.
do you really hope to work things out? or are you just going through the motions?
Isn't that classic that your wife used to use that pharse 'always a cheater" but when you reltated it to her - she thought she was the exception.
What has she done to prove to you that she is being truthful & not deceiving anymore? Is it fair to you to have to constantly scrutinize her behavior & decide how you are going act towards her based on her actions. What happened to loving "unconditionally" if you decided to stay.
Best of luck to you - sounds like you need to evaluate if you are happy living your life the way it is. . .

swedish

We've been married 7 years (first marriage for him, second for me & I have 3 kids from my first) All the signs were there for a few weeks (taking particular care in his appearance, seemed happy to leave in the morning and very distant at home to eventually him getting calls on his cell in the evenings or spending time on his laptop) I broke down one night and just told him everything I was feeling (everything except my suspicions since I could not confirm anything) He called her the next day and ended it on a Sunday. The next day, he left his cell phone home and I snooped...found this person's name with several numbers so I called. A woman answered and I hung up. Did some searching online and found out her age which fit. I confronted him when he got home...asked who blah blah was and he said a friend from work. I told him I called her (didn't say I didn't talk to her) and just said please be honest now because everything going through my head is much worse than anything you can tell me. He told me everything, looked right in my eyes the whole time. I didn't cry or raise my voice so we were able to just talk for hours. He works with her, they started talking about personal issues, and for the last 2 weeks went to lunch and kissed. He never met with her outside of work and they didn't have sex, but he said it was definitely headed in that direction. The only way I was able to move forward was to see my role in where our marriage was at the time. We both wanted the same thing-to feel loved an appreciated, but neither was making the other feel that way. Since that day, he has been an open book and is committed to regaining my trust. It is better each day but I still have my bad days. It's been 9 months. It still bothers me that they both still work there and I don't think my feelings will change until one of them leaves.

carmaenforcer

believer
The cheating happened almost three years ago. Initially I had just found out that she was keeping in touch with her ex-boyfriend, assumed she had cheated but she just slapped me for going through her cell phone and left. Since I knew from the content on the text I read from him to her that more than likely she had at least made out with him, I simply stopped calling her and tried to move on. It wasn't until she came back to ask for me back that I found out she had not only cheated but that she was pregnant only didn't know if it was mine or his.
I took her back not knowing but this pregnancy miscarried before we could know who's baby it was. Shortly after that my Wife proposed to me and I excepted with the condition that she cut all ties with not just him but all her ex-boyfriends that she was now "friends" with and with her voluntary promise to never hurt me again.
We have had our share of issues due to my fears and suspicions and her selfish nature and flirtatiousness.
No, I don't believe in unconditional love anymore, a woman will love only if conditions are as she wants them and call it "having your feelings met". Policing every little thing she does wrong and doling out punishment to correct behavior is the only way I saw to actually "make" things fair in our relationship.

I know that I am not 100% happy having to live life the way I have to, but I from the looks of things, I could do worse and so why not try to fix the problems instead of running from them. Chances are great that the next woman will be the same or worse and I already have a beautiful baby boy with my Wife.


I've been divorced before and have had to do the absentee (weekend) father thing and I can tell you I want to raise my child now. I do believe that people should make more of an effort for the children and not be so quick to break up but my opinion is biased obviously.

I